“Ty?”
I sat up, scrubbing my hands down my face. “Yeah, bud?” I didn’t want him to see any of this, as far as he was concerned, everything was good. At least, that’s what I wanted him to think. The reality of it was, things were going far from good. My team were falling apart.
Always having one of us off the compound was affecting the whole team and now this thing with Kitty was just adding to the strain.
“Mama’s crying again,” he said, looking down at the floor. His hair was sticking up in all directions and his spider-man teddy dangled from his hand and onto the floor.
“I know, bud.” Smiling sadly, I patted the bed beside me and waved him in. “Come here.”
He ran over and jumped up onto the bed, slipping in beside me and leaning his head on the same pillow that Kay slept on. This was the first time in so long that we hadn’t slept in the same bed and I hated it. It didn’t feel right, not having her next to me.
“I don’t like it when she cries,” he whispered, turning his sad green eyes to me.
“Me neither, bud.” He fidgeted on the bed, looking up at me before turning away. “What’s up?” I raised a brow.
“I just don’t want mama to get sad again.” He shrugged.
A lump formed in my throat. I knew how he felt and I’d noticed her pulling away from all of us again. She liked to hide her emotions; putting up a wall, she did it well. But I could see past them. I had since that very first day; I saw all of the pain that she was feeling, that she carried around with her on a daily basis.
I didn’t want to see her back in that head space again, and whether I liked to think it or not, it was partly my fault. Serena being back didn’t make things any easier and I knew that Kay still had nightmares about that sick fuck.
“I’ll make sure she doesn’t, okay?” I said, ruffling his hair.
“Promise?” He turned back to me with hope in his eyes.
“Promise.” I nodded.
“Okay.” He held his hand out and said, “You gotta shake on it. Uncle Luke says that when men make a deal, you have to shake on it.”
Chuckling, I placed my hand in his, my large hand encasing his small one. “Well, if Uncle Luke says it then it must be true.”
“Yep!”
“How about this?” I asked. “Shall we get ready and get some pancakes before preschool? Give mama a lie in?”
“Yeah!” He threw his fist in the air and jumped off the bed.
“You get dressed and I’ll meet you in the bathroom for wash and teeth. Yeah?”
“Okay!” He jumped down, running off as fast as his little legs could take him, completely forgetting about his spider-man teddy.
Maybe that was all she needed? To just get some extra sleep? All I knew was that she was going to tell me what was going on inside that head of hers. She couldn’t keep it all locked up inside of her.
That shit didn’t do anybody any good.
After eating the biggest stack of pancakes each, we both waddled to the car with full stomachs. Maybe I shouldn’t have let him each that much? I just didn’t have the heart to tell him not to eat all that he wanted. I knew food wasn’t a substitute but if he wanted to eat his weight in pancakes then I wasn’t gonna stop him.
I dropped Eli off at preschool and started the drive back to the compound. Pressing the buttons on the steering wheel, I dialed Luke’s number.
“Boss?” he answered.
“Come back to the compound.” I stopped at some lights and waited.
“No one has taken the shift over yet.”
“Yeah, I know. We’re gonna look into a different route. It ain’t good to always have one of us off the compound.”
“Has something happened?” he asked, his voice becoming deeper.