She pulls her top up and her maternity jeans down below her bump and takes hold of my hand again, squeezing softly.
My eyes stay on the screen, waiting to see the picture come up, or I should say blurry shapes.
“That’s the head.” The woman points at the screen. “That’s the little, tiny tootsies!”
I smirk at how excited this woman is, you’d think it was her baby the way she’s talking.
“Are we finding out the sex today?”
“No,” I say at the same time that Emmy says, “Yes.”
We both look to each other and start talking at the same time, I chuckle and wave my hand to her. “You go first.”
“If you want it to be a surprise then I’m okay with that.”
I smile and nod my head, moving my eyes back to the screen. “Nah, let’s find out.”
The woman squeals, clapping her hands together and announcing, “It’s a girl!”
Tears come to my eyes and I try my best not to let them fall. I’m a man, dammit, but when it comes to your child, nothing stops those tears.
A little girl, I’m going to have a daughter. I can’t quite believe it.
“Son?” I startle at Ma’s voice, jumping out of my skin and spinning around to face her. “You okay?”
“Huh? Me? Yeah, I’m good.”
The smile on her face tells me that she doesn’t believe a word I’m saying but she doesn’t say anything, just tilts her head and asks, “Coffee?”
“That’d be great.” I follow her into the kitchen and sit on one of the bar stools, fiddling with my fingers and looking out of the window at the land that wraps around the entire house.
“So…” Ma says, lifting her brow. “Talk.”
“Talk?” I chuckle.
“You have that face, the one that says you want to get something off your chest.” She smiles and looks over my head at nothing in particular. “I remember when you were just a little boy, you’d have this face.” She points at me. “And it’d mean you needed to get something off your chest. So… talk.”
I huff and look down, fighting with the right words to say, I don’t even know where to begin.
“Sorry I left the other day.” I look up at her, expecting her to say something but when she doesn’t I continue. “Kitty is undercover and I needed to check on her, Ty was worried.”
“Okaaay,” she says, pouring us both a cup of coffee and passing mine over to me. “And why couldn’t Ty check on her?”
I fidget in my seat again, feeling like I’ve just been caught out. “She’s a friend… a close friend.”
“Right.” Ma shuffles closer. “And Kitty, is she okay?”
“Well...” I run my hands down my face. “I’m not quite sure, something’s… I dunno, off about her.”
She stays silent for a few minutes and then takes hold of my hand, squeezing gently. “It isn’t your job to make sure everyone is okay, honey.”
“I know... I jus—”
“You need to look after yourself first. Emmy would want that.”
Hearing her name come out of Ma’s mouth has me wanting to flee, the pain still so fresh. I can’t stand to hear it, I’m standing up and pushing the chair back before I even realize it.
“Don’t,” I warn her. “Don’t do that. Emmy’s not here, she left me.” My voice cracks at the end and when Ma open’s her mouth to say something, I hold my hand up, cutting her off. “Just forget it.”