Jonny pulls back, a frown on his face. “You sure?”
“Yep.” I stand out of the booth, flashing him a smile. “Better get back.”
He doesn’t say anything but I can feel his eyes on me the whole way back to the bar where Charlie stands, settling up his tab.
“My place,” he whispers, setting a twenty on the bar and walking off. I don’t acknowledge him, instead I just grab the next lot of drinks and carry on serving.
Time seems to go by at a snail’s pace, the seconds feel like minutes as they go by and the slow burn in my stomach tells me that it’s getting closer to closing time. However much I like to tell myself that I’m done with him, I know I’ll always go back, no matter how much he rips my heart out and stomps on it.
I collect my things from the locker room when we’ve finished closing out and wander outside, waiting for the cab to pull up.
Once I rattle off the address to the cabby, I sit back and try to calm myself down. I know better than to send the cabby to Charlie’s place, so instead, I tell him the address of a place a couple of blocks over. I’m not stupid enough to think that Jonny doesn’t have these guys monitored, and finding out where I’m going wouldn’t help anyone, all it would cause is a whole lot of questions.
I throw some cash at the cabby when he pulls up and push out of the cab, pulling my cell out and waiting for him to drive off. I know he’s waiting to see which place I go into, but again, I’m not that stupid, instead, I hold the cell to my ear, talking into it like someone is on the other end. I hope to hell that no-one tries to call me, because that would be embarrassing.
He finally pulls back out onto the road and I start the five-minute walk to Charlie’s place. My stomach burns with anticipation, my fingers tingling at the thought of touching him.
I know I shouldn’t be doing this, I promised myself that I wouldn’t, but I can’t help it.
Butterflies take flight in my stomach as I walk up the path to his place, knocking gently on the door. When it flies open, I’m gripped by strong arms around my biceps and pulled into the house.
“Kitty.” My name sounds like a plea coming from his lips and when I look up, I almost can’t believe what I see staring back at me.
This is Charlie, the real Charlie, the one who doesn’t hide behind the walls that he puts up. He’s only been like this a couple of times with me and I’m not stupid enough to think it’ll last, because it won’t.
He’ll get his fill and then he’ll bask in the guilt he feels; then I’ll leave and we won’t talk for a few weeks. It’s the same routine, always has been and I’m okay with that for now because if it means that’s the only way I can have him, then I’ll take it, a thousand times over.
I stare into her eyes, the green speckles mixed in with the light brown glinting off the light that shines overhead. She has such beautiful eyes. Eyes that I could stare into for hours and lose myself.
“Charlie?” she asks, but I ignore her.
I don’t want to talk right now, I don’t even want to rip her clothes off and touch her all over like I normally would. Okay, so that’s a lie, I want to do that too. But she’s expecting that, she thinks that’s what I want, but right now, it isn’t, I just want to hold her. Something that I’ve never done before.
We always do the same thing, we fuck, then she leaves or I leave depending on where we are. We never hang around and never take it that step further. But seeing his hands all over her tonight has brought out the jealous side of me and made me realize how much I want her.
Grabbing her hand, I pull her with me through the hallway and lead her to my bedroom, clicking the door shut behind us. I grab my t-shirt from behind my neck and pull it off, leaving me in just my jeans and bare feet.
“Shoes,” I say, tilting my head to her. She furrows her brow and hesitates, when she doesn’t move fast enough for my liking, I kneel down in front of her and grab her ankle, slipping her shoes off and standing back up.
“Jacket,” I whisper, my hands already moving to her shoulders and sliding it down her arms.
I can feel her eyes watching me, burning through my skin and I know she’s wondering what I’m doing, why things have changed, but I can’t answer her. I don’t know when things changed. Maybe it was seeing that photo at Ma’s, maybe it was when Jonny put his grubby hands on her. Or maybe, maybe it’s always been there and I’ve been too stubborn to see it, to admit it to myself. Whatever it is, I’m not thinking about it too much. That’s where all my problems lie, I overthink and all it does is get me into trouble.
“Charlie? What are you doing?”
I ignore her a second time and walk over to the bed, pulling her down with me. Her body stiffens at first, but I just scoot closer, wrapping my arms around her and taking a deep breath.
After a few minutes, she relaxes and her hand covers mine on her stomach, stroking my fingers.
“I just want to hold you,” I say, my voice hoarse.
She nods her head, her hair bouncing in my face as she pushes back against me, settling down and resting her head in the crook of my elbow.
I block out all the thoughts coming to me and all the memories of the last time I was like this with a woman. I don’t want to think of that now. I only want to be in the here and now, with Kitty.
I let my eyes droop closed, knowing that when I wake up, she’ll be in my arms, right where she belongs.
I shift in bed, trying to stretch my arms up above my head but I get caught inside arms. My body stiffens as I forget where I am and my breaths start to get faster.