I lift my head and stare at her, watching as her eyes flash with understanding but also sadness and anger. “It wasn’t… it still isn’t,” I reply, my voice low.
She could be sitting here, telling me that she doesn’t want to hear about any of this and storming off, but she doesn’t. Instead she’s sitting here listening to me as I tell her all about the woman who took her place; the one who gave me the two most precious things in this entire world.
I watch her, enthralled as she tips her head back, looking up at the sun and closing her eyes.
I lean forward, entranced by her, not able to rip my gaze away from her because I’m captivated by all that she is and all of the goodness that runs through her; something that I’ve always been drawn to.
A single tear tracks down the contour of her cheekbone, but she doesn’t bother to wipe it away, sitting there in silence as she wanders off somewhere in her mind.
I don’t disturb her, I let her have this moment.
My heart hurts; Natalia will never get to meet her baby girl, she’ll never get to sit here like I am, talking to her husband.
Her husband.
I should be feeling resentful toward her for marrying Tristan after my life was turned upside down, but I’m not, not even a little bit.
I’m angry at him though for trying to justify it to me. I’m curious what he was going to say, but at the same time, I don’t think that I’m ready to hear it.
I take a few moments to mourn for my friend who lost her life, and for the kids who will grow up without a mom. I wouldn’t wish this on anybody.
“Miss J!” Izzie shouts, making me open my eyes and wipe at the tear that’s settled itself on the end of my chin. She comes barreling toward us and stops between Tristan and me. “Come swim with me!”
My eyes flick toward Tristan, seeing his broken expression and then back to Izzie. I paste a smile on my face before standing up and grabbing the bo
ttom of my tank top, lifting it up and over my head.
My head swivels toward Tristan as I hear him suck in a breath and I raise a brow at him, causing him to look toward the water as I undo the button on my jean shorts and shimmy out of them.
“Ready?” Izzie shouts and I take her offered hand.
As she drags me toward the water, I turn back toward Tristan, inhaling deeply as I see his eyes are trained firmly on mine and Izzie’s joined hands. I turn away and walk toward the lapping water, feeling the coolness of it touch my toes, all the while my heart breaking for this little family.
No kid should have to grow up without a parent, and no one should have to go through the pain of losing their spouse before they’re both wrinkled and ready to leave this world.
“Clayton? Want to come in the water with us?” I call to him, finally getting my emotions under control. He looks up and shakes his head at me before turning back around and piling more sand into the bucket in front of him.
My eyes catch Tristan’s as he leans back in the sand, his gray eyes focused on both Izzie and me.
Izzie squeals, making my head snap back to her. “It’s cold!”
“It’ll only be cold until we get in and start moving about.” She clings onto my leg and I chuckle before picking her up and wading farther into the sea until I’m knee-deep. “I’ll lower you down into it and as soon as you feel the water on your toes, sit down.”
Her blue eyes search mine—the same blue eyes I used to look into when I looked at Natalia—before she nods her head. “Okay, but you have to do it too.”
“I will,” I squeak out, my throat clogged up with emotion. I cough to clear it. “Ready? One, two, three.” I don’t wait for her to protest as I sit us both down in the salty water, squealing and laughing together as we splash around.
We jump up as each wave comes toward us and she flaps her arms about, trying to capture Tristan’s attention back on the beach. “Daddy, look at me! I’m a dolphin!”
Tristan laughs, his eyes crinkling at the corners, showing that the youthful look they once held has been weathered by the years that have passed.
He pushes up off the sand and my eyes widen when I get my first proper look at his defined torso, the muscles rippling as he runs down the beach toward us. “Can any dolphin join in?” he asks, diving into the sea and splashing us as he swims closer.
Izzie giggles. “Daddy! You’re splashing me!”
He chuckles and dips low, putting his head under the water and disappearing again. I spin around looking for him and we both squeal as he pops up next to us, taking Izzie out of my arms and spinning her around in the air.
She giggles, throwing her arms wide and lifting her face up to the sky. “I can fly!”