Etching Our Way (Broken Tracks 1)

“I’m not doing anything. I’m fed up of playing this game with you and decided to be honest for once.” He looks away, not a drop of emotion on his face as he pulls out his cellphone, typing away, the clicking of the buttons echoing around us.

The rain gets heavier, blasting down on my skin with so much force that I wince.

“Honest? You wanna talk about honesty? How about you tell me what’s really going on.”

He doesn’t look up as he says, “I told you, I don’t—”

I cut him off. “Look at me!” He shakes his head slightly and I feel the rage running through my veins. “Look at me when you’re trying to break my heart!”

My chest heaves as hot, angry tears flow down my face, mixing in with the rain. Why is he doing this to me? Everything was perfect.

He looks up, throwing his cellphone down onto the grass and storming toward me. His large hands enclosing around my face. “Is this what you want! Huh?” Drops of water slide from his hair and down his face, his eyelashes sticking together as he stares at me with that same blank look.

I try to shake my head but I can’t move because his grip on me is so tight that it feels like he’s trying to hold onto what we have.

“No, this isn’t what I want. And I don’t think it’s what you want either.” My gaze flits between his eyes, searching for a break in his facade. “What I want is for you to take back every shitty thing you’ve said. Tell me you’re not doing this to us.”

His grip tightens momentarily before he lets me go, making me sway backward. I try to catch my balance but I lose my fight and fall, my ass hitting the wet grass. “I’m sick and tired of being a liar. I’m doing this because I’ve had my fun and it’s getting boring. I don’t want this… I don’t want you.”

I open my mouth to say something but he takes a step forward. “People like you don’t deserve to be with people like me. Go back to your side of the tracks. You don’t belong here. You don’t fit into my life now. You were a bit of fun while I was in college.” He shrugs, the emotionless way he says it making it hard to catch my breath. “But now it’s time for me to live in the real world... a world where you and I don’t exist.”

My hand flies to my chest, trying to hold myself together as my sobs grow almost animalistic. He takes one last look at me before he starts to walk away. “Tris…” I reach out for him but he doesn’t turn around, continuing toward his car. “Tristan!”

“We’re done!” he shouts back to me, opening his car door and not looking back as he gets inside, the rain pelting down with so much force that it’s hard to see. I hear the engine of his car roar to life before he drives away, taking my heart with him.

The memory subsides and I slowly come back to the present. I realize that I’m sitting on the floor with my back against the wall, tears streaming down my face. I used to be such a strong, happy-go-lucky person. That was until that day.

After he left me there, I tried to contact him. I tried to message, I tried to call… I tried everything. But he never once answered any of them and I wasn’t allowed into his parents gated house.

I tried to contact Nathan and Natalia, but I guess now I know why they wouldn’t talk to me too. I don’t blame them, they were his friends before mine, they all grew up together. At the time, I felt like I was being punished for being so happy. How can we go from a night of passion and fun, to him throwing me away like I was nothing? But I obviously didn’t learn, because here I am letting him do it all over again.

I wipe the tears from my face and stand up, racing down the stairs to get to my cellphone before I can change my mind. I won’t be the way I was after he left me the first time; I don’t think I’d survive going through all that again. I need an explanation. I’m not letting it go without a bigger fight this time.

I press call on his contact number and wait, the ringing on the other end making my stomach churn. Come on, be a man, Tristan. Pick up.

When it runs to voicemail, I pluck up the courage to leave a message, even though in my frenzied state I know it won’t make any sense.

“How could you leave me like that with no explanation? We were good for each other—no—we were great. Our relationship was envied by everyone around us.” I take several deep breaths. “What happened, Tristan? What did I do so wrong that made you toss me to the side like I didn’t mean anything to you?” I sob, the heart-wrenching sound echoing in my small office. “You chose her. You chose her over me and that breaks my heart. I can’t feel anymore sorrow toward you and your beautiful kids than I already do, but it still hurts that you chose her.” I know my time will be up soon so I hurry my speech along. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that... I’m done. I can’t be that person that’s so easy for you to throw away. I’m not dispensable, Tris, and it’s time I realized that. But… please still bring the kids to art class, I don’t know if I could stand not—” The beep cuts me off and I slam my cellphone down on the top of my desk, sliding into my chair and hanging my head in my hands.

Timbaland—Apologize

Sara Phillips—Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door

James Morrison & Nelly Furtado—Broken Strings

I walk out of Clay’s room, heading down the stairs as the ringing of my cell echoes around the empty space. Pulling it out, I see Harmony’s name flashing across the screen.

My feet come to a stop halfway to the bottom, my heart hammering in my chest as my thumb hovers over the answer button and then over the decline button. My gaze flits back upstairs before looking back down at the screen of my cell. I can’t do it. I can’t answer the call and listen to her voice; not right now. Not in the headspace that I’m in at the moment.

Shaking my head, I push it back into my pocket when it stops ringing. It’s been a couple of weeks now and I still haven’t spoken to her. Not for her lack of trying, but I can’t face her right now. I can’t bear to tell her everything, because that’s the only way that she’ll understand it all.

Not just about Natalia, but the reason that I walked away from her all those years ago too. It’s all become too real, and I’m not sure that I’m strong enough to face it.

Truth be told; I’m scared. I’m a grown-ass man, but I’m scared that I’ll lose her all over again. Surely pushing her away is better than watching her walk away from me this time?

“Hey, Tris,” Amelia says as I walk into the kitchen. She’s dressed in her pajamas, no makeup on and her hair in a messy bun on the top of her head as she makes her nightly cup of cocoa.

I chuckle as she brings it to her lips. “You and cocoa.” I shake my head, a smirk on my face. “You’re such an old lady.”