Ending the call, I lean back, the step above me on the fire escape digging into my back, but I don’t mind the small bite of pain, I relish in it because it makes me feel like I’m not floating away.
My mind wanders, trying to work out the best way I can tell Tris. I know I need to tell Nate, too, and I can’t help but think it would be much easier to tell them together. If they are both in the same room then I only have to go over it once.
But the thought of seeing Nate after ignoring him makes butterflies flutter in my stomach but also has my hands sweating in panic.
What if he doesn’t want me anymore? What if all of the drama is too much and he won’t see me the same? What if… What if he thinks I did it?
A lump builds in my throat and the burning sensation of tears tickles my nose. If I disappeared then I wouldn’t have to deal with any of this, but I can’t do that again. This time is different: not only do I have a family to protect, but I can’t walk away from Nate. I’ve been missing him so much and all I want is to scroll down to his name, press call, and hear his voice on the other end of the line. But I know it’s too late to do that now.
Steeling myself, I stand up, taking a quick look at my watch and realizing I’ve been sitting out here for nearly two hours, caught in my own thoughts.
I grab a shower, changing into a pair of light-blue jeans and a white tank top before slipping on my Converse and hooking my purse over my shoulder on the way out the door.
By the time I’m on the road and to Tris’s, it’s one thirty so I should get there about two. I’ll be an hour earlier than I need to be, but that will give me time to hopefully talk to Tris before he leaves for court. I need to formulate a real plan to tell him… everything.
The silence in the car is almost deafening, so I switch on the radio and listen to a song that’s been playing a lot recently before turning onto the road Tris’s house is on.
I feel like a stranger as I come closer to his driveway, like I don’t belong here. This was my home for six years yet all it’s taken is a couple of weeks for me to feel like I’m an outsider looking in.
The gravel crunches under my tires as I slowly drive along it, coming to a stop at the start of the fountain. My heart beats a wild rhythm at being back here. I keep my eyes trained forward, too afraid to look around in case she’s here watching me again.
Turning the engine off, I grab my purse and hook it over my shoulder as I close the door behind me.
The front of my Converse catches one of the small stones and it hits the bottom step leading to the door.
I take a deep breath, putting my key in the door and placing my hand on the doorknob, preparing myself to go inside the house I once called home.
“I know today wasn’t the result you wanted, but at least it shows you’re serious and willing to fight for him.”
“I really wanted him to grant us permission to see him,” Harm replies from the back seat.
“In due time, you will, but until then we need to file all your fostering paperwork. We can have these done and sent off by tonight.” I turn into Tris’s driveway, the gravel kicking up underneath the tires. “We can come up with a plan of action now that we know your rights.”
“Which are diddly squat,” Harm states.
“Stop being so negative, sunshine, it’s not like you,” Tris says before climbing out of the car with us behind him.
She sighs. “I’m allowed to be a little disappointed, Tris.”
I walk ahead of them, waiting at the door. Tris opens it and we all file into the kitchen, Harm switching on the coffee pot. “Coffee?”
I shake my head. “Not for me, I’ll just take a bottle of water.” Tris throws me a bottle and I sit down at the dining table, papers in front of us. “Shall we start?”
Harm holds up a finger to make us wait as her fingers fly over the screen of her cell. “Okay, now I’m done. I was just messaging my mom to bring the kids back.”
“Shit!” We both turn our gazes to Tris who has his head in his hands before he glances at me. “Amelia will be on her way over.”
“What?” The very mention of her name has me looking over at the pool house and my heart racing a mile a minute. “Here?”
He pulls out his cell. “I called her last night when you told us about court. My mom is out of town with Edward so she couldn’t have the kids and Tilly wasn’t supposed to be here so I had no one else to call.”
“She answered?”
My hackles rise as he shakes his head. “Her mom answered the phone but she put her on and she agreed to come. Sounds like she’s been staying with them.”
Her mom? So she wasn’t even at her apartment the whole time we were there? I feel stupid for pouring my heart out to her when she wasn’t even inside the damn apartment!
“I’ll be two minutes, I’ll call and tell her not to bother since the court time was moved forward.”