Am I really doing this?
I look down at my dress and swallow.
I’m doing this.
Running my hands over the white overlay material, I stare at the scalloped edge that lands just below my knees. The grazes from trying to get away from them cover my legs along with purple and green bruises. But that’s all you can see on my body because the sleeves come to my wrists, veiling the injuries there too.
I look up as my fingers flutter to my neck and over the marks there. What will people here think when they see me? Will they assume Luke did this? Will they call the authorities?
My stomach churns and dips causing me to stumble forward and lean against the counter. I stare at my face as I remember Luke’s grunts yesterday when he was tending to my injuries.
I hated the touch, but I knew it was necessary. Several times he begged me to let him take me to a hospital, but I couldn’t because they’d contact him, and then it’d all be over.
Sighing, I close my eyes and remember the feel of Luke’s soft hands as he checked the bruising on my jaw and my swollen eye. He was so tentative and gentle—such a contrast to what I’m used to. He didn’t look at me the way they did when they were touching my body, it was the opposite.
When I open my eyes and see the smile on my face, I’m taken aback for a second. But isn’t this what I should be doing today? Smiling?
It’s not real though—this marriage, this wedding, if you can even call it that. It’s to keep me safe, and I need to remember that.
Standing up straight before pulling out some foundation Luke bought me, I attempt to apply it to my face. It may not cover much, but even a little is better than nothing.
I try to push all my warring thoughts to the back of my mind and be in the moment as the dark purple becomes muted. But in an hour when all this is over, and we have to leave for the drive home, I won’t be able to stop the memories rolling to the forefront of my mind.
Blocking them out isn’t possible, no matter how much I tried last night. Their eyes haunt me. The feel of their hands on my skin making me shiver. I’m not sure I’ll ever get away from them—at least inside my head, anyway.
When I step back and take a good look at myself one final time, I see it in my eyes: emptiness.
Will I ever be who I used to be? I scoff at the thought. Of course, I won’t. They achieved what they set out to do: break me.
A knock on the door startles me, and when Luke asks, “Lily? You ready?” my heartbeat picks up its pace.
I’m doing this. I’m really about to get married.
Taking one final calming breath, I reply, “Yeah,” before walking toward the door in the white ballet flats Luke bought me to match the dress. When I open the door and see him standing there in dress pants and a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, showcasing his tattoos, I nearly melt.
“Happy birthday.” My gaze flicks up to his face, and I swallow at the smile he sends my way. The last time someone wished me happy birthday was when I turned thirteen.
“I… thank you.” I clear my throat, shuffling on the spot as I wave my arm toward him. “I didn’t realize you were going to wear a—”
“Yeah, yeah.” He grabs my hand and starts walking down a hallway, but I see the redness on his cheeks he tries to cover up by not looking at me. “You only have this day once, so I thought I’d make an effort.”
“I…” The words get lodged in my throat as we walk past several doors and then up a set of wide stairs. I keep my head down when we make it to the top and Luke halts, finally looking up after several seconds.
My skin burns from everyone’s attention, and I can almost see the wheels turning in their heads when their gazes flick from my face to Luke. I know what they see when they look at him, but they couldn’t be more wrong. Just because someone seems a certain way, doesn’t mean they are. I know evil better than most people and how it can hide in plain sight.
Never judge a book by its cover. These people need to remember that.
Luke squeezes my hand to gain my attention, and I turn to face him, focusing on the small smile on his face.
“This is us. We should be going in soon.” He pauses a beat. “You okay?”
Biting my bottom lip, I try to form an answer. Am I okay? My body aches and my thoughts are fuzzy, but I’m safe. And that’s all that matters for now.
I nod, afraid to speak up with other people around before sitting on one of the chairs outside the door marked “Room 12.” My side smarts with the movement, but I manage to hold back my wince. Everything is a reminder of what they did.
I’m inside my head, caught up in the what-ifs, so when Luke touches my arm, I don’t expect it. I gasp before looking up at him with wide eyes.
“Ready?” His ice-blue eyes watch me in the same way they always do: assessing.