Catching Teardrops (MAC Security 5)

“You don’t get it!” she shouts, her hands scrubbing at the skin on her arms. “You don’t understand what it’s like to be held down and have everything taken from you. To not have the strength to protect yourself.” Her gaze clashes with mine and the sadness and vulnerability there rips me apart.

She’s exposing herself to me and I know I should do the same, but will revealing that side of me change things? Will she look at me differently?

“I killed my dad.” It’s out of my mouth before I realize, and when her eyes widen and her face pales, I feel like I’ve lost her, but I don’t stop. It’s finally out and there’s nothing I can do to take it back. “What you went through? My mom went through that—every single day for years. The first time I watched him hurt her I was three… the last time I was sixteen, only this time he took it a step further.” I lean back against the wall before dropping down and bringing my knees up. My arms hang off them, but I don’t take my gaze off Lily. “I walked in and there he was, beating and raping my mom. I have no idea how many times it happened, I lost count somewhere along the way.” I take a breath, willing myself not to go back to it. “But this time something snapped, and I couldn’t stop… I saw red.” I take a stuttering breath, my gaze following Lily as she sits on the side of the bed. “The next thing I know I was covered in blood and so was he, only his chest wasn’t moving anymore.”

“Luke,” she whispers, tears running down her face, and I can’t take it anymore, I can’t watch her heart break right in front of me.

Lifting onto my knees, I then shuffle closer and place my palms on her thighs. Our faces level as I tell her, “I’d never hurt you, darlin’. Fuckin’ never.”

“I know.”

“But I get your pain. I understand it.”

She nods and squeezes her eyes closed. “He took everything from me.”

“No, he didn’t.”

“He did.”

“No.” I cup her face in my hands. “He may have taken that part of you without you having a choice, but you have a one now. You always have a choice with me, angel.”

She opens her eyes, the blue shining brighter as the tears mist over her eyes. “I do?”

“Yeah, darlin’, you do.”

We stare at each other, neither of us saying a word until she whispers, “You saved your mom just like you saved me.”

“I didn’t save you,” I tell her before pressing my lips against hers. “You saved me. You have no idea where I was in my head when we met, but one look in your eyes and I knew… I knew then my life would never be the same.”

LILY

You saved me.

It goes around and around in my head as I stare at him, his ice-blue eyes tearing up.

“I love you,” I whisper, my voice raw from all the crying. I’ve only said it to him once, and even though I meant it then, I mean it even more now.

He shakes his head as I place my hand on his face, the scratch of his scruff whispering around us.

“You can’t.” He pauses as his eyes close. “Not after what I just told you.” His bows his head and I watch as his chest heaves when he tries to take a breath. “I’m a monster. A murderer.”

Torment spears through my chest at the way he’s talking, and I grip his face harder.

“You were at the end of your tether,” I reason, but he doesn’t look up, not until I push my fingers through his hair, pulling a little.

When he opens his eyes, I have to push down the lump in my throat at the agony he shows me.

“I’m just like him,” he croaks out. “I lose it the same way he did. But the difference is, I took someone’s life.”

“No.” He pulls away, but I don’t let him get far. I throw myself at him knowing he’ll catch me—he’ll always catch me no matter what. “You’re nothing like him, Luke.” His throat bobs as he swallows. “You’re beautifully broken... just like me.” I watch him, staring into his eyes as I show him the truth. “You protect the people you care about, all he did was hurt them.”

He looks down at his hands that are resting on my waist. “It’s there… all the time.”

My heart breaks at the sound of his sad voice. “What’s there?”

“The blood,” he whispers, lifting his head up as a traitorous tear escapes his eye and trails a path down his cheek. “I killed him.” He blinks. “I had no choice. I had to kill him.” Watching his anguish is almost too much. “I had to get him away from her before… before he took her from me. She was fading, Lily.” He rests his forehead against mine. “Just like you were.”

I close my eyes, my throat not able to move as I let out a sob, pushing myself closer to him and wrapping my arms around his shoulders before leaning my face into his neck.