Whiskey and Country

4

NICHOLAS

A week ago

“When will you get a girlfriend?” Derek teased me. “You never meet anyone because you’re too busy working. Do you want to turn into Cody?”

A heartfelt laugh broke free. “You’re twelve, bro. Since when do you have this much interest in my love and professional lives?”

The boy shrugged. “We’re best friends. It’s my job to make sure you don’t miss out on important things in life.” He flipped his hands so as to say, Come on. “Tucker is always hitting the clubs. I’m sure he can help you if you’re too shy to ask a girl out yourself.”

I blinked. “Since when did you turn into a mini version of him?” I asked.

Derek’s contagious laughter filled the room. “We talk, you know. Me and Tuck. And Jace too.”

I blinked again. “About me?”

Derek bobbed his head, his mischievous grin never faltering.

“And Tuck told you about his dating life?”

“And the lack of yours,” he continued.

Wow, this was a conversation I never thought I’d have with a twelve-year-old. My little brother in so many ways. Sometimes it seemed as if the boy had lived ten lives, smarter and wiser than all of us united.

Derek rocked his head from side to side, his shoulders mimicking the movement. “I asked him questions. Because I don’t want you to end up like my mom. Alone. She thinks I don’t notice, but I know she’s lonely and could use a nice man in her life. Some love. To help share the burden of the pain.”

How could these words come from a child?

“She has me—”

Derek giggled, the sound warming my heart. “It’s not the same. Unless you tell me you’re in love with her.” He tipped one invisible brow, and I burst into a fit of laughter.

“Fine. You’re right. It’s not the same.”

The air in the room shifted. The lightness replaced by a suffocating tightness.

“When I’m gone, will you make sure she’s okay? My mom, I mean. She’ll need a best friend too. Maybe you could be hers. Until she finds one on her own.”

My throat closed.

No air or sound could pass through the rock sitting there and taking permanent residency.

“Bro—” I began.

Derek raised his hands between us. “I’m serious, Nick. You know it will happen. One day. And I don’t want any of you to be too sad. Crying is okay. But don’t stop being happy because I won’t be there.”

Tears rushed to my eyes. Everything in the room blurred.

Derek moved to his knees and wrapped his arms around me. Steel bands kept me in one piece, preventing my heart from being ripped apart on hearing his words.

I returned his embrace.

“I’m glad you won’t be alone,” he spoke into my chest. “You have Tucker and Jace. I’m sorry I won’t be there to watch games with you anymore.”

I’m sorry too.

“I’ll miss you,” I said, my voice low and rickety. “Let’s enjoy the time we have together.” Those sounded like sensible words to say. Because I wasn’t ready to admit the unavoidable out loud. Not yet, at least.

“You know that song from Carter Hills Band about monkeys that makes me laugh?” I nodded. “If you hear it, please turn on the volume so I can hear it too.”

The heartache enveloping my throat tightened until my voice resembled a whistle. “I will.”

Derek straightened. “Can I show you something?” he asked, leaning back.

I cleared my throat to chase my strangling emotions, sounding more confident than I did inside. “Sure.”

He fished a piece of paper from under his pillow. “Do you remember that movie we watched together? The guy was making a bucket list, and you explained what it was. Well, I made my own. It’s not done, and I hope I’ll be able to finish it by the time I need to go to heaven. It’s hard choosing only ten things when there’s so much of the world I haven’t experienced yet. I know I won’t be able to fulfill it, but I like the idea I might get another chance in some other life if that really exists. This will be my I wish I had experienced in my life list instead.”

I read Derek’s list, schooling my expressions to hide my emotional overload.

“You should make one too,” the boy said.

I released the breath I had been holding for far too long and didn’t even notice I had.

“What would you write on yours?”

My eyes met his. Sharp and guileless, revealing his maturity and ability to accept the truth. I smiled at the way Derek glanced at me. With love. Honesty. Trust. Adulation or something close to it.

My fingers rubbed my jaw.

“I never thought about it,” I said, genuinely surprised. Many ideas swirled in my head. “Yeah, you’re right. Choosing only ten things is hard.” I paused. “Let’s see. First, I’d like to do something different. Try something new.”

“Like bungee jumping?”

I glided my jaw back and forth. “Maybe. But no. Something bigger. Like an adventure. Can I have time to think about this?”

Derek nodded. “Sure. It took me many days to write mine. This is serious stuff.”

We exchanged a smile. The air loaded with unsaid emotions evaporated.

“Chess?” Derek straightened and asked, his glee back.

“What? You know I’m about to get crushed once again. I’m starting to think you enjoy watching me getting checkmated each time.”

He chuckled. “How would our friendship be if you didn’t lose to me?” He rested his hand on mine. “Don’t worry, bro, you have other talents.”

Derek poked his tongue out, and I did too.

We both laughed.

And this time, the tears pooling in my eyes weren’t from sadness.