'Why to you?'
'I guess because...' His mouth twisted with irony.
.. she looked to me. Rightly or wrongly I felt I was the one influencing her.' He paused before quietly adding, 'In the end I had to stop it.'
Barbie's mind staggered at this totally unexpected admission of a deliberate act of rejection, a weighing of the situation she had never ever suspected. The question tumbled out, impossible to hold back.
'Why?'
'It became too personal.'
The provocative reply goaded her into pursuing the point.’ How too personal?'
He made a rueful grimace. 'She didn't even see that my younger brother, who was more her age, had a crush on her.'
Barbie's mind reeled. Danny? Shy Danny with the stutter who had never discussed anything but school-work-with her? She'd always tried to be kind to him, mostly because he was Nick's brother, but she'd never thought of him as anything else but Nick's brother.
Are you saying she saw only you?' Something like that. It upset Danny. He'd rage at me... but I hadn't made any moves on her. She was too young for me anyway. It would have been wrong all around.'
'So how did you put a stop to it?'
He sighed. 'I made it obvious I was attracted to someone else.'
'Were you?'
'Enough to make it stick. It got Danny off my back.'
'And the girl? It got her off your back, too?' Again the question tumbled out, on a rush of bitterness this time, and she could only hope he didn't notice a change in her tone.
For a moment there was a pained expression in his eyes and Barbie registered that he took no pleasure in the success of his maneuver. 'It was effective in that sense,' he acknowledged. 'But she didn't take up with Danny. I didn't think she would. She simply dropped out of our lives, kept to herself. A year or so later, her family moved away, up the coast some where, Byron Bay, I think.'
'But you still remember her...very clearly.' Barbie commented, hiding the terrible twist of irony in her heart.
'She was part of a big chunk of my life.' His eyes warmly invited her memories as he said, 'You must have had people in your growing-up years who coloured your life, one way or another.'
He'd coloured it black. Totally black in that act of rejection. Only now did she realize there had been greys. He hadn't been a shallow rat. He'd cared about his brother's feelings... Danny, who'd meant nothing to her...
'Where does your family live, Anne?' Nick prompted.
She shook herself out of the dark reverie brought on by these revelations. Later she would think about them, put them in perspective. Dealing with now had to take priority. She had Nick here with her and she didn't want to lose what might be between them this time.
Queensland. On the Sunshine Coast,' she answered truthfully. Her parents had moved on from Byron Bay.
'You're a long way from home.' I've been traveling around the country since I was eighteen. Pursuing a career in singing meant I had to
He smiled his understanding. 'Of course.' What about your family?' It was less dangerous ground.
My parents still live at Wamberal. That's on the Central Coast.'
So nothing had changed there. The rest of the family has scattered,' he went on. I have a sister who lives in Sydney. She's married and has a couple of children.'
Carole two years older than Barbie and very fashion conscious from the moment she hit her teen years, It was a safe bet she'd married well. 'And your brother the one you've mentioned?' she pressed
'He's currently in San Diego. Danny is into yacht racing. He always was mad about boats.'
She remembered the small catamaran the Armstrong’s had owned, Danny sailing it on Wamberal Lake. He'd asked her to go with him and she had a couple of times, more to show she was game for the experience than to share it with Danny She'd really wanted to sail with Nick.
It was good to hear Danny was so far away and mad about something else. At least he couldn't interfere with this relationship.
Three waiters descended on them, one with the bottle of wine, another offering a selection of bread rolls from a basket, the third setting down the calamari starter. Barbie was grateful for the little flurry of activity which took Nick's focus away from her. She hadn't realized how difficult it would be, pretending to be a stranger, carrying the emotional strain of monitoring every word she said, trying to make her questions sound like natural curiosity.
She took a bread roll, smiled at the food waiter who said, 'Enjoy!' nodded to the wine waiter who held the bottle hovered inquiringly over her glass. By the time all the business of serving was done, she had almost convinced herself Nick could not be blamed for the decision he'd made to end it, although it was impossible to end feelings. They might be buried, twisted, transformed, but they didn't end.
At least his memories of her held some admiration mixed with the conflict his brother had caused.
Perhaps some regret, too, for what had been lost by the action he had taken. Nevertheless, she didn't want to revisit that old humiliation by talking about it openly. She needed the balm of his current admiration to heal that re-opened wound.
'Something wrong?'
Nick's query jolted her gaze back to his. 'No. Why?' she spilled out, hoping he hadn't sensed any disturbance in her thoughts.
You seemed to be looking dubiously at the calamari. Would you like to order something else?'
No. It's just that I've never seen it presented like this.' She smiled to alleviate any concern.
'It's so artistic it's almost a shame to dig into it.'
He picked up his cutlery to encourage her. 'Bon appetite'
She followed suit and began to eat, concentrating on the taste of the food, finding the calamari beautifully tender and the subtle flavorings interesting.
Nick's mind was in hyper-drive, trying to assess what was going on in Barbie's head. And heart. She was still sticking to Anne Shepherd. He had no idea if the answers he'd given to her quiz on the past had satisfied her quest to know how he remembered her and what had driven his actions. He could only hope she now understood there had been mitigating circum-stances to the denial he'd chosen.
She was the one choosing denial now, he realized, and if he was to have any chance with her, he had to respect her choice. She didn't want to tell her side Too hurtful? Too revealing? Would it make her feel too vulnerable?
Which led him to ponder protection. She had thought herself protected today when she'd come to his office. And Anne Shepherd was now protecting the girl he had once known. But was it protection...or deliberate deception feeding a deep, vengeful streak that would lash out at him when she judged he was at his most vulnerable?
He instinctively recoiled from this scenario. It was too dark, suggestive of a more disturbed mind than he cared to deal with. Nine years had gone by. He could understand her being wary of him, wary of let-ting herself be attracted to him, but to deliberately set him up for a fall at this point...no,, he didn't want to believe that.
The Barbie Lamb he remembered had been straight and true in everything she'd done. People's characters didn't change. Pride might make her cover up the past, but he was sure there'd been nothing false in her response to his kisses. No pretence. No deception It had been too real, too giving of herself to the passion that had exploded between them.
Mutual desire.
Or was he fooling himself?
She put down her knife and fork and smiled warmly at him. 'That was delicious. A great recommendation. Thank you.'
An electric charge hit his groin.
'Glad you enjoyed it,' he returned just as warmly any concern about her motives totally obliterated.
He wanted her, regardless of what she called herself, regardless of where the wanting led. He was not about to let this feeling go. Not about to let her go, either.
CHAPTER NINE
His smile made Barbie tingle all over. Even when she was young it had invariably made her feel happy, generating bubbles of joy through her whole bloodstream
Then it had seemed to say he really liked her. And perhaps he had, although other things had been more important to him.
Focused on her now, a woman who was not too young for him, it had a far more powerful impact loaded with the message he found her infinitely desirable and emanating an intense level of sexual intimacy, his eyes reflecting the knowledge of how she'd felt in his arms, how her mouth had moved with his, and the wanting to savour the experience again and again.
She found herself squeezing her thighs together capturing and enclosing the excitement he stirred. Her nipples were tightening into hard little buds. Never had she reacted so physically to a man before and she marvelled at the difference between wanting someone from afar and having the desire actively returned at close quarters.
What would have happened if he'd looked at her like this when she was sixteen... if he'd kissed. Barbie shook her head. She had to stop thinking about then.
'What's going through your mind?' Nick asked.
'I'm amazed that here we are...you and me,' she answered with more truth than he could possibly know.
'Fate smiled on us, bringing us together.'
She laughed. 'Do you really believe in Fate?'
He shrugged, smiling whimsically. 'Fortuitous circumstances are sometimes uncanny, things falling into place at the right time. Who knows how that works? Is it blind luck or are there energy forces that somehow guide meetings and outcomes?' He paused, his eyes probing hers very personally. 'Perhaps we were always meant to be here at this time and place...you and I.'
Goose bumps ran over her skin at the suggestion of something preordained. 'I could have said no to your invitation.'
But you didn't.'
The pull had been too great to resist, Barbie silently acknowledged.
He didn't wait for a reply. His eyes still engaging hers with compelling intensity, he softly stated, 'I have the strong sense that I've been waiting for you a very long time.'