Whiskey and Country

“Let’s get Jack to bed first, then I’ll take Buddy to my truck.”

Dahlia nodded and lifted her son, now fast asleep beside the dying dog. “Say goodbye to Buddy, Jack,” she said, waking him up. Sobs shook her body, but she kept them in, for her baby’s sake.

Through my broken heart, all I hoped for was to soothe her pain. To add permanent sunlight to her life. To her heart. Jack and Dahlia had already been through too much together. My instincts kicked in every time they were around, asking to protect them to make sure they’d be safe and sound.

When did I get so attached to this family?

How did it happen?

Jack’s eyelids fluttered open, and he petted Buddy’s head for what would be the last time. “Good night, Buddy. Sweet dreams. Be a good boy,” he said, echoing the words his Mama told him every night.

A piece of my heart unglued itself and bled on the floor, leaving a trace of me behind.

I bit my inner cheek to avoid crying.

With deep breaths in and out, I kept some sort of control over my own broken heart.

In the playroom that had become Jack’s bedroom whenever he stayed over, Dahlia laid him on the sofa-bed and tucked a blanket around him. With her fingers laced through mine, we made it to my room. I put a pile of clean clothes on the bed. “Take a shower and change. You can sleep in here. Or downstairs. I have no idea how long it’ll take.”

“Nick, I wish I could go with you.”

“I know. But I gotta do this on my own. As long as I know you and Jack are safe here, things will be fine.” She nestled her body in my embrace, and we stood there, our heartbeats fusing through our chests.

In a foggy state of mind, I changed and kissed Dahlia one last time before lifting the dog into my arms and settling him in the backseat of my truck. I found a veterinary clinic still open at this hour, a forty-minute drive from here, and followed the instructions once I entered the address in the GPS on my phone.

Time stopped.

Had I been sitting here at the clinic for two or six hours? I had no idea, no notion of moments spent.

“I’m sorry. Buddy won’t make it through the night. His body is too old and tired,” the vet explained. “There’s nothing we can do except make him comfortable.”

In the privacy of an exam room, I fished my phone to make a call, the idea of being the one breaking the heart-crushing news shook every cell of my body. I inhaled. Air barely made it to my lungs before it wheezed out.

Greta picked up on the fourth ring.

“Hey Nick, is everything all right?”

I swallowed, trying to speak the words tying my organs in knots.

I exhaled, pinching the bridge of my nose, my head bowed forward. “Sorry to bother you at this late hour. It’s just…”

I heard her breathing shift. “It’s Buddy, isn’t it? It’s okay, Nick. We knew this day was coming. You can tell me.”

Keeping my lids sealed to force my racing heart to calm down, I muttered a breathy, “Yes.” I could do this. I had to. My neighbors deserved the right to say goodbye to a dear member of their family, and my friend deserved the right to hear their voice one last time.

“Is he gone?” Greta asked.

I swallowed. “Not yet. We’re at the vet. Nothing he can do. I’m so sorry.”

“Can we see him?”

I nodded as if they were standing right beside me. “Sure.”

“Gimme a sec. I’ll get the guys in the other room.”

I rubbed the heels of my hands over my eyes before switching to a video call, angling my phone so all they could see was their dog. In an attempt to offer them some privacy, I pushed the chair I was sitting on to a corner by the door, leaning forward, my elbows on my knees, and my face buried in my palms.

“Hey Buddy,” Greta’s voice resonated from the other end. It sounded more emotional than before. “I hope you can hear us.” The dog’s head twitched a little, his eyelids fluttering as to reply he could. “I’m sorry we’re away. You’re…”

Her voice drowned away, the pounding in my skull blocking most sounds out.

With both hands, I scratched the back of my head, my fingers unable to erase the tingling sensation spreading to my scalp.

The buzzing in my ears lessened, and Chaz’s voice made it through. “Life will never be the same without you, Bud. I’ll always remember ya. I love ya.”

The sound of his sobs hijacked my heart.

Greta’s voice, now strained and wobbly, spoke next.

“Nick?” I cleared my throat and took my place next to Buddy and picked up the phone. “Thank you. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to say goodbye.” Sobs strangled her words. “Buddy was lucky to have you too. I know you two had a strong connection, and you’ll miss him. And I’m sad for that little boy. I could tell Buddy loved him very much.”

The lump in my throat had turned into a rock.

I said nothing. Because I lacked soothing words.

“Thank you, Nick,” Chaz echoed. “At least he’s not alone.”

We exchanged a few more words and hung up.

For a minute, I watched Buddy, trying to comprehend everything that was happening. To make sense of the idea of losing another friend.

For the next hour, with his paw resting in my palm, I stayed by his side. I’d never leave him while he needed me the most. His eyes gleamed in the golden lighting as we stared at each other. Then they closed, and his breathing decelerated, becoming shallow. With a hand over his ribcage, I made sure he was still alive.

I bit the inside of my cheek and finally let the words out. The words of my heart.

“Hey Bud. I don’t know if you can still hear me, but I wanted to thank you. For being my friend. And for watching over Jack. You welcomed me the moment I came to town and never left my side, even if I wasn’t your family. You accepted me, and you accepted Jack and Dahlia as if they were your family too. Every morning after the sun rose, you’ve joined me. As if you knew I needed someone to lean on after talking to Derek and telling him about my life here. You said nothing, but you were there, listening to me. And that was priceless. True friendship.”

I closed my eyes and evened my breathing.

“I’m sorry you have to go. Our time together has been too short. But it has been great. You’ll finally meet Derek. He’s a nice kid. I’m sure he’s already waiting for you up there. Please watch over him. He needs a friend too. A best friend. One he’s been wishing for since a long time. And say hi to him for me, would you?”

I wiped my eyes with the heels of my hands.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this again. Losing a friend is hard. Losing a second one in a matter of months is fucking impossible. I know I’m not alone. I have Dahlia. And Jack. If I’m allowed to ask you one last thing, can you watch over them too? I know Jeff is doing just that. How could he not? He had the most amazing family a guy could dream of. But maybe, just maybe, you could help him too. Or be his friend. Everyone needs a friend, and I’m sure he’d like the company. He must feel alone up there by himself.”

I cleared my throat.

“I don’t know him, and never did, but he must have been quite a man. Tell him I’ll take care of those he loved the most. Because I love them too. With all my heart. I’m sorry for rambling. I have no idea how all this works out.”

With my forehead pressed against the fur of his neck, I squeezed the dog’s paw harder.

Buddy took his last breath, blinking as if to thank me. And telling me he would be all right and not to worry.

My throat clenched.