Whiskey and Country

“As if in a dream. I can’t believe we slept for less than four hours, and you look this good in the morning. It’s unfair,” he said.

“You should get in front of a mirror. You’ll see you look way much better than I do,” I said, combing his hair back with my fingers. “Are we ready to do this?

“What?”

I straightened my back, trying to infuse myself with the courage I feared I lacked. “Tell Jack about Buddy?”

Nick bowed his head. His body stiffened. I kissed him, trying to show him he wasn’t alone. That I was right there. By his side. And we could do this together. That we were stronger together. His arms held me closer, and I relaxed in his embrace.

“Yeah. I think I am. Are ya?”

“I will be. I’m not sure he’ll really get it, though. Death. It’s kind of an intangible concept for a child…”

“How about we do something special? To commemorate Buddy’s life. When my friend Jace’s dog died years ago, we had a little ceremony in the backyard. We made cards and buried them in a hole, saying nice things about him. Perhaps we could do something like this. It’s just an idea.”

I fastened my grip around him. “I like it. I’m sure Jack will, and Buddy would too.”

We hugged without a word for a beat, losing ourselves in the comfort we brought each other.

The heaviness of the moment evaporated, and I became conscious of every inch of my man’s hard body pressed against mine. I swooned in his arms as his lips locked on mine, taking their sweet time cherishing my mouth.

As if he sensed we wouldn’t break apart if this dance between us didn’t end soon, Nick’s hand met with my ass cheek. “Go, shower. I’ll make breakfast. There’s a special pancake recipe I want you to taste. I’d join you, but I don’t want Jack to wake up and be afraid and alone,” he said.

“You’re too good to us, you know that?”

“Nah, Dahlia. I’m the lucky one.”

Thirty minutes later, we sat around a plate of pancakes, Kelly’s recipe, and fresh fruits, Jack sitting on my lap, not yet reaching the table by himself. I should get him a booster seat. I twisted strands of his hair around my finger as I spoke the words I dreaded the most.

“Baby, we gotta talk about Buddy.” I firmed my back and inhaled through my mouth. “He was really, really old, and last night he left. To become a star.” I gestured to the ceiling to emphasize what I was saying.

“Like Daddy,” my baby said. Not a question but an affirmation.

“Yeah, like Daddy. I’m sure they’re already best friends.”

“Me go on star? With Daddy and Buddy?”

I shook my head, a steel clamp strangling my heart. “No, baby. You can’t.”

Jack’s lower lip shuddered.

“Buddy my bestest friend. I want Buddy. Buddddy.”

Tears shone in his gray eyes, the same color as Carter’s.

Unable to speak, I hugged him to my heart as tears made their way down my cheeks. “I know, baby. I know,” I whispered, my voice cracking.

My eyes found Nick, and his expression mirrored mine. Holding out my hand, I grabbed his, unable to let go, all of us needing one another. We were in this together. No matter what.

After breakfast, we made cards and wrote nice messages to Buddy. Nick found an old metal coffee bin in the garage, and we placed our treasures inside.

“I’ll begin,” Nick said as the three of us stood around the little hole he dug under the bloodhound’s favorite tree. “Buddy was my friend. He came to me the moment I arrived in Green Mountain, welcoming me to my new life. He followed me everywhere and made sure I always had a friend around. Just in case. As if he sensed I was alone, heartbroken, and lost. As if he could tell I had no idea why I’d come here and required his guidance. Buddy, you showed me love had no limits and that it was possible to love someone you just met, even if it made no sense to you. When I left Chicago, I did not know what to expect. I embarked on this journey because I had something to gain. Something to accomplish. Something to prove to myself. Now that I’m here,” he stretched his hand to intertwine his fingers through mine, “I’ve never been so sure about where I belong. Thanks for being my friend, Buddy. I’ll always remember you.”

Nick sniffled and rubbed his eyes with one of his palms.

“Jack, do you want to say something?” I asked my son as I squatted to look at him, barely containing my own tears. He nodded. “Go ahead, baby.”

“I love ya, Buddy. You my best, best, bestest friend.” He kneeled in the dirt and dropped a handful of pebbles, leaves, flowers, and bits he’d gathered minutes ago into the hole. He moved to his feet but bent over to pick up a stone he dropped. “Bye,” he said, a satisfied affirmation on his face as he waved at the coffee bin. The sweet gesture brought a fresh batch of tears to my eyes and permeated my heart with pride and love.

“You did great, little guy,” Nick said, fist-bumping with him, as my emotions clogged my throat. No matter how small or big it was, grief was something I had a real hard time dealing with.

With a finger, Jack beckoned my man to lean forward. Nick opened his palm, and my son placed the pebble in it. They both stared at each other for a long second. Nick’s throat worked. Without a word, Jack pushed himself between Nick’s arms.

They embraced for a full minute, neither of them speaking a word.

When they broke apart, Nick’s face was a map of tears and fondness.

He lifted my son in his arms, kissed the crown of his head, and knitted his fingers back through mine, bringing me comfort.

We exchanged a glance. I’d met only a few people in my life who could read my heart—and my mind—easily. And over the weeks we’d known each other, Nick had become one of them. A look my way and my soul let him in. No questions asked.

With my eyes closed, I inhaled a cleansing breath.

“Okay, let’s do this,” I said, lowering my shoulders as I breathed out. I cleared my throat before speaking. “Buddy, you and I didn’t know each other very well. But you brought so much joy to the men I love that I’ll be forever grateful to you. I wish I could have known you better, but even if your journey amongst us was brief, you made a great impact on all our lives. Rest in peace, Buddy. And thank you for loving us. Go find Jeff now. And tell him we’re doing great. And I’m sure Derek is waiting for you too.”

I dried my tears with my fingertips, my shoulders heaving.

Nick released his grip on my hand, and my fingers trembled.

The softness in his eyes when he kissed my cheek sealed the tiny fractures of my heart.

“Gimme a minute,” he whispered, tucking tendrils of my hair behind my ear.

I nodded, watching as he lowered Jack, and both used toy shovels to bury the coffee bin.

When Nick rose to his feet, he pulled me to his heart and kissed my temple. “I’m here, Dahlia. It’s okay. We’ll be fine.” I sank my head into his chest, taking comfort in the beating of his heart and the sound of his breathing. He was alive. We were alive.

Jack roamed around, picking more treasures to place on the fresh mound of soil.

Our eyes followed him, matching grins stretching our lips.

My heart was all over the place.

Swiveling on his heels, Nick placed himself in front of me and cradled my face with both hands. An anxious laugh bubbled out.

“Dahlia, can I ask you something?”

I frowned, trying to decipher the look he gave me. “Sure.”

“Did you just tell Buddy you love me?”

I leaned back and covered my face with my hands for a split second, feeling his heavy gaze on me. Oh, he didn’t miss that. Through a timid chuckle, I breathed in some courage and met his eyes.

“Okay, hear me out. I kinda did. Because I do. I know it’s too fast, and I’m sorry if it scared you because that’s the last thing I wanna do. Gosh, I wasn’t supposed to say anything yet. It just slipped out. In the heat of the moment.” I closed my eyes, Nick’s stare about to drill holes into my skull. When I opened them again, his irises sparked, the glow in them so bright I averted my eyes. “I hope what I said won’t change anything between us. Please don’t run away. If you want to panic, it’s okay. I’ll understand. To be honest, I probably would if I were in your shoes.” I winced. “But let’s talk first if I freaked you out. I can’t take my words back, but we can—I don’t know. If you prefer for us to go home so you can deal with everything, just say the word. I won’t be upset. Oh gosh, I’m talking nonsense—”

Nick grabbed my upper arms, forcing me to look at him.

His eyes had darkened. The bent in his lips had receded.

I swallowed my uneasiness down as the man I knew I loved bored his heady gaze into mine.

“Dahlia, stop.” The tilt of his lips returned. The ones I was dying to kiss and make him forget about the last five minutes. “I asked you because I had to make sure I didn’t dream it. At the clinic last night, I told Buddy how much I loved you. And that I hoped it was reciprocated. I don’t know how it happened—or when—but my heart is all yours. Every fragment of it. I love you, Dahlia Ellis. Never had I imagined I’d find love here. And not that fast, but I can’t stop thinking about you. You’ve become the center of my universe. Knowing I was coming home to you yesterday after Buddy left eased the pain. You were the only person I wished to go through with it together. Somehow, somewhere along the way, you stole my heart, Dahlia, and I’m thankful. And for what it’s worth, I don’t want it back. I want you to have it. To keep it. And for you to trust me enough with yours so I can care for it the way it should be.”

My voice trembled. “You love me?”

“I do.” Nick kissed me, and a kaleidoscope of butterflies took flight deep inside me, turning everything that was gray and dull into a spectrum of bright colors.

Jack came running between us and pushed us apart, snaking an arm around each of our thighs. My fingers met Nick’s as we both caressed his hair. When we stepped apart, Jack reached for our hands, his tiny fist holding our fingers tight. And the three of us walked back inside.

“Mama kissing Nick.” My son giggled. “Mama loves Nick.”

We all burst into a fit of laughter.

“And Nick loves your Mama,” my very hot and perfect man said. “I love you,” he mouthed my way, and I’m pretty sure I flustered because a wave of heat crawled up my cheeks. “And Nick loves Jack too,” he added, picking up my son and nuzzling his neck.

“Nick loves Mama,” my little boy hiccupped between giggles.

Nick loves Mama.

I would never get tired of those words.

* * *