“When?” Lily asked around the bitter lump in her throat.
Juliet shrugged. “He seemed to want you back in class by next week.”
“She’ll be ready,” Rowan said, joining them.
“This is so ridiculous,” Lily said, rolling her eyes. “Just the thought of having to sit in class and do homework is so—not okay.”
“Come on, Lily, think about it. Even if Simms wasn’t watching everything you do, what else are you going to do?” Juliet asked honestly. “Do you want to be a high school dropout? Maybe get a job as a checkout girl at the supermarket, if you’re lucky?”
Lily bit her lower lip, chastened. “I guess not.”
“Not that many want ads for witches in this world,” Juliet said gently.
“And you are staying in this world,” Rowan said. “I don’t see what’s so terrible about going back to school. This is a nice place, Lily, and all the dreams you had and the future you’d planned before can still happen for you.”
Considering the way Rowan was raised, complaining about having to sit through class for a few more months did sound petty. Any Outlander would kill to live the way Lily did, and as she thought about it, she realized how much she had to be thankful for.
“I never stopped to think about what I wanted to do with my life,” Lily said sheepishly. “I always thought I’d be too sick to get a full-time job or to join a radical save-the-whatever group. But I can do anything I want, can’t I?”
“Yes,” Rowan replied in a subdued tone. “And you can stop stirring now. Dinner is ready.”
Lily gratefully abandoned her post by the cauldron and followed Rowan and Juliet into the kitchen, wondering again why Rowan seemed so distant.
His dinner ritual was new to both Lily and Juliet, who had become used to fending for themselves when their mother’s condition worsened, yet Rowan’s insistence that they eat at least one meal a day together was welcomed. Since Lily had come back two weeks ago, Juliet had been commuting to Boston during the day to attend her college classes but so far she hadn’t missed one of Rowan’s dinners. Juliet joked about free meals and bad dining-hall food, and Lily laughed along with her even though she knew that for both of them this was practically a miracle. Samantha had never been the most attentive mother and their father was more like a tourist who dropped in a few weeks a year than a parent. But with this dinner thing, Rowan had quietly pulled their family closer together. It was the first time either Juliet or Lily felt like she was part of a real family, rather than the unlucky crew member of a sinking ship.
Thank you, Rowan.
He didn’t have to be told what Lily was thanking him for. Lily opened herself up to him so he could feel her gratitude and the sense of peace she felt sitting at a table with her loved ones. While continuing his conversation with Juliet about something gruesome she was doing to a cadaver in her anatomy class, Rowan reached under the table to take Lily’s hand.
It’s your family. I’m just borrowing it, Lily.
You’re not borrowing. You’re a part of it.
Rowan squeezed her hand reassuringly, but he didn’t answer her in mindspeak. Something had been bothering him all day. Lily waited until after everyone had eaten their fill and gone to bed to bring it up again.
Rowan? Are you still awake?
Yes.
Lily went downstairs and found Rowan transferring the salve they had made from the cauldron into little pots. She joined him and silently began to help.
It came out very well, Lily. You’re getting better at potions.
I still don’t know what the heck I’m doing without you talking me through every step, though.
They finished up with the cauldron in silence. Lily could feel Rowan growing tenser with each second. When he finally had nothing else to distract him, she faced him with a determined look.
“What’s the matter with you?” she asked, keeping her voice down so she didn’t wake her mom.
“You’re hiding something from me,” he answered accusingly, his whisper coming out clipped and harsh.
“Yes, I am,” she admitted. “Aren’t I allowed to keep
a few things to myself?”
“Not this.” His dark eyes narrowed until they looked completely black. “I killed Gideon for imprisoning you in the oubliette. Now I need to know why I’m going to kill my brother. I need to know what Carrick did to you down there.”
Lily held her breath, her mind racing. If she gave him this, he’d never suspect what she was really hiding. She couldn’t believe she was willing to relive even one second of her torture in Purgatory Chasm in order to protect Lillian, but given the choice, she knew what her answer had to be.