“I was already up. Guess neither of us slept well.”
Lily noticed that Juliet was wringing her hands. “What’s the matter?”
“It’s nothing,” Juliet said, forcing a smile. “Be careful, okay?”
“Let’s go,” Tristan called out impatiently. Lily shouldered her schoolbag and ran to his car. Something about what Juliet had said nagged at her. She stopped and looked back, about to ask Juliet in mindspeak why she hadn’t slept well, and saw Rowan watching her from the living room window. As she jumped into Tristan’s car, the only thought left in her head was that she wanted to get away from him as quickly as she could.
As soon as they pulled away from her house, Tristan started eyeing her cautiously. “I think I can feel you,” he said, only partially freaked out. “And you feel terrible.”
Something popped inside Lily, and huge, hot tears spilled down her face. “Rowan wants to leave me,” she sobbed.
It had been such a long time since she’d had the luxury of being able to cry. For months she’d had to be strong no matter what she was feeling, and now that she was safe with her best friend it all came tumbling out of her in a hysterical rush.
Aided in her explanation by the images she passed to Tristan in mindspeak, Lily told Tristan everything, starting with the Outlanders and the Woven. She recounted Lillian’s persecution of teachers, scientists, and doctors, and Lillian’s law that magic—which the Outlanders couldn’t access or afford—be the one and only way. She told him about Alaric’s rebel tribe, and how they had fought back to defend three scientists, and how that battle had ended with her and Rowan accidentally worldjumping.
“And now he wants to go back and fight for his people with Alaric, but I can’t go with him,” Lily said, hiccupping as they pulled into a parking space at Salem High.
“Why not?” Tristan asked, turning in his seat to face Lily.
“Because that’s exactly what Lillian wants me to do,” Lily shouted, like Tristan should know that. “And he’d never let me, anyway. I almost died, like, every five minutes I was there. You think Rowan would ever let me go back? Or that I’d want to? Horrible things happened to me there, Tristan. I can’t go back. Ever.”
Tristan reached out and pushed one of Lily’s wild curls away from her damp cheek. “I guess you’re stuck here with me, then,” he said quietly.
“Oh, Tristan, it’s such a mess,” she said, fresh tears streaming down her face. “And the thing that’s just killing me is that I had no clue he was planning to leave. I thought I knew everything about him, but I never even suspected—”
“I know,” Tristan said, pulling her into a hug. “It’s the secret that hurts the most.”
“Yeah,” Lily whispered. She thought of how she was hiding the contact she’d had with Lillian from Rowan, and gnawing guilt swallowed what was left of her tears.
They heard a tap on Tristan’s window, and jumped apart. Una and Breakfast looked in the window as Tristan rolled it down.
“What’s up?” Breakfast asked, eyeing Lily’s tear-streaked face meaningfully.
“It wasn’t me,” Tristan replied.
“That’s a first,” Una said, smirking. She looked at Lily and her face pinched in sympathy. “What happened?”
“We’re going to be late,” Lily said, gathering her things. “Let’s walk and talk.”
As the day went on, Lily recounted the situation for Una and Breakfast. She spent more time fleshing out the dire situation the Outlanders were in, how they didn’t even have antibiotics to treat a fever, and the barbaric cruelty that Lillian exacted on anyone who even attempted to study science—even doctors who tried to heal sick children. The more Lily explained about Rowan’s world, the more she painted herself into a corner. By lunch, she wasn’t getting much sympathy from her mechanics.
“Lillian hanged Rowan’s father,” Una said delicately as she opened her vintage My Little Pony lunchbox. “That would make anyone a little revenge-y.”
“She’s also slaughtering what’s left of his tribe because they’re trying to make a better life for themselves,” Breakfast added, frowning down at his sandwich. “Damn, I’m not even from there, and I want to go fight.”
“Aw,” Una said, like she was looking at a fluffy bunny. “He’s so cute when he wants to kill people.”
Lily looked to Tristan for help. “I get where you’re coming from, Lily, and it sucks that he kept it from you, but come on,” he said, shrugging sheepishly. “Rowan’s going back to fight alongside his stone kin—one of whom happens to be another version of me. How against that can I be?”
“So you all think I’m being selfish,” Lily said, frustrated. Silence. “Thanks, guys. I feel so much better after our little talk.”
“Lily,” Una said through a laugh. “You have every right to feel hurt. Secrets destroy relationships.” Una’s face suddenly fell and she looked down at her hands. Lily saw a memory flash of a woman with Una’s black hair and fair skin. Lily guessed from the feelings of anger, blame, and love she felt that the woman was Una’s mother.
“But you all think he’s doing the right thing,” Lily said, finishing Una’s thought for her. Her mechanics nodded in agreement. “And you’re right,” she said tiredly. “He is doing the right thing. I just wish he’d do the wrong thing in order to stay with me.”
“No you don’t,” Tristan said bitterly. “When you lose respect for someone, Lily, you’re done. You’d stop loving him.”
Like you stopped loving me, he added in mindspeak.