“Would you just wait?” Rowan pleaded. Caleb tried to get past him, but Rowan was still coursing with the power Lily had poured into him, and he easily detained the larger man. “You’re not yourself, Caleb.”
“Of course I’m not myself!” Caleb screamed. “And I’ll never be myself again, Ro. Not really. Not without him. You, of all people, should know that.”
Rowan sighed and dropped his arms. “Yes. I know it.”
“I wasn’t strong enough. Now I’ve got nothing.” He broke off, and his chest fluttered with the tears that he managed to choke down. “It’s my decision. I’m ready to be a witch’s fist.” Caleb’s swollen eyes locked with Lily’s. “Claim me.”
Lily looked down at Caleb’s willstone. It didn’t call to her the way Rowan’s had, but it was still beautiful and she wanted it badly. Caleb had power—not as much as Tristan, and nowhere near as much as Rowan, but he was still strong. Lily wondered why he wasn’t some other witch’s mechanic.
Lily. Don’t. He doesn’t know what he’s saying.
Just because you hate that you gave yourself to me doesn’t mean he will.
What are you talking about?
Lily opened her memory to Rowan. She showed him himself, telling Tristan that he regretted giving himself to her.
Is that why you were so cruel to me, Lily?
You think I was the one who was cruel?
She let him feel how much he’d hurt her. How much she’d learned to care about him and how all of that was ruined when she found out he didn’t feel the same.
He looked stunned.
“That’s not what I meant,” he said quietly.
“I notice you didn’t say that in mindspeak,” Lily replied, disappointed. “Why? Are you hiding something?” She hadn’t expected him to blurt out that he didn’t think she was like Lillian at all anymore, but she’d secretly hoped he would. Rowan tried to continue, but Lily strode forward and cut him off. “This is between Caleb and me. You shouldn’t be interfering.”
Rowan’s face hardened and he stood back. “You’re right. I have no right to tell a witch what she can and can’t do. I hope you’re paying attention, Caleb. This is your life from now on if you become a witch’s fist.”
Lily ignored his comment, or tried to. She busied herself by reattaching her willstones to her necklace, wondering why she felt so guilty. Rowan was acting like she was laying down the law, but she wasn’t. She wasn’t in charge here; she was just doing what Caleb wanted. Wasn’t she?
Lily shook off her doubt and stood across from Caleb. He was in so much pain that she could feel it spilling out and around him like a halo. She took his hand in hers.
&nb
sp; “Are you going to fight the Citadel?” Caleb asked.
Lily paused. Over the past few weeks she hadn’t thought twice about supplying the rebels with whatever Alaric asked of her. But her motivation for learning magic was not to stay in this world and fight. It was to go home. She looked into Caleb’s desperate face, knowing that she had to make a choice. Did she want to stand up against Lillian? Or more importantly, could she live with herself if she didn’t?
“For as long as I’m here, I’ll fight Lillian,” she replied, hushed by the weight of her decision.
“I need your word.”
Lily thought of that old history teacher in the woods again. She wanted to know his name but wondered if it would be easier or harder to forget him if she did. “I give you my word that if they attack us, I’ll fight her with everything I’ve got.”
“Then you’ve got me.”
Lily’s hand darted out hungrily of its own accord. She noticed that it was moving too fast and managed to snatch it back at the last second. She heard Rowan suck in a sharp breath.
“Sorry! I’m sorry. I’ve only done this once before,” she said, grinning sheepishly at Caleb.
“Well, I’ve never done this with a girl,” he said shakily. “Let alone a witch, and I hear that’s something else entirely.”
“No grabbing,” Lily promised, and crossed her heart.
He took a second, and then nodded at Lily. She raised her hand and ever so slowly took his willstone between the tips of her fingers. Caleb’s eyes closed and he shivered from head to toe. Lily had Caleb’s pattern. She played it back to his stone and saw one of Caleb’s memories. From Caleb’s perspective she saw …