The enforced silence of the hideout left Tristan outside Lily’s reach for many hours a day. He could mindspeak with Caleb and Rowan, and they could relay his thoughts to her, but it wasn’t the same. Not only was Tristan unable to work without tiring the way Rowan and Caleb could with Lily fueling them, but he was also cut off from her in a way they weren’t, and when the workday was done, she was usually too tired to spend any time with him. Tristan was getting left out, and tension had begun to build between him and Rowan. By the end of the third day, Tristan had had enough.
“I want everyone to hear this,” Tristan said, breaking out of mindspeak with Rowan. “I want Lily to claim me. It doesn’t make sense for me to be blundering around down there without her strength.”
“We’ll be through it in another day. Don’t, Tristan.” Rowan wasn’t pleading, he was ordering.
“Why not?” Lily asked. “We should have done this weeks ago, when you two first started teaching me. Why are you so against me claiming him?”
Rowan didn’t answer.
“Because he thinks we need someone outside your influence, just in case,” Tristan said.
“In case of what?” Lily asked. Fatigue finally made her lose her temper. “In case I suddenly turn psycho and start hanging everyone else’s fathers?” Rowan looked at Lily, his mouth parted in shock. “Rowan,” Lily began, knowing she had gone too far. He turned and left the room before she could continue.
She stood very still for a moment, hoping that if she didn’t move she could somehow figure out a way to take back what she’d said, then darted after him, following him upstairs. He’d shut the door to the room he, Tristan, and Caleb had been using as theirs. Lily knocked, but he didn’t answer.
Rowan. Let me in.
Get out of my head, Lily.
No. We need to talk.
There’s nothing I want to say to you.
“Open the damn door before I kick it in,” Lily said, her voice louder than it should be.
The door flew open. Rowan grabbed her, pulled her into his room, and slammed the door behind her. He was so angry he was shaking.
“I’m sorry,” Lily said, meaning it with her whole heart.
She opened her feelings up to him, the way he had when he’d apologized to her. She showed him a fragment of Caleb’s memory, one of Rowan crying, and she let him feel how ashamed she was for being so careless about something that meant so much. He looked surprised for a moment, and then all his anger left him in a rush.
“When did it happen?” she asked.
“Seven months ago,” he replied, his voice low. “I begged her.” Lily felt a flash of desperation and disbelief—his feelings when he pleaded for his father’s life. “But she’d made up her mind.”
Rowan opened up a memory for Lily to share.
… A courtroom. This farce of a trial is over and it devolves into a circus of people screaming and shouting around me. At the center of the chaos is Lillian. She just stands there—silent. She won’t let me in her head, won’t answer me, won’t acknowledge if she can feel my hurt. I send it all to her. I hope the hurt goes away soon and turns into hate. I let her know that, too. How I can’t wait to hate her …
The betrayal Rowan had felt—and how staggeringly empty it had left him when he’d lost both his father and Lillian in one deva
stating moment—knocked the wind out of Lily. It was nothing like what had happened between Tristan and her. There was no comparing their betrayals. “How can you even stand to look at me?” she asked breathlessly.
“That’s the problem. I should look at you and see her, but I don’t anymore. Not since we spent that night in the tree.” He shook his head, smiling at the memory. “You’d been in shock for days. I woke up the next morning, and you told a joke. You did that for me. To put me at ease so I’d worry less about you. You’re still the most stubborn person I’ve ever met, but you also admit when you’re wrong. You’re thoughtful and kind, Lily.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” she said.
He lifted his hand and touched her face, his fingers cupping the curve of her jaw. “Because I want to trust you. I want you to be everything I loved about her and nothing I hated. I want it so badly that I know I shouldn’t trust myself enough to trust you. But I guess I’m doing it anyway, even though I know you’re not staying.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, her voice shaking.
“You want to go home. And when you’ve figured out how, you’re going to leave us, aren’t you?” Rowan ran his hand down her throat. His fingers slid lightly over her neck and collarbone, just barely touching the platinum edges of her willstones. Every place he touched tingled and tightened. She didn’t have an answer. Rowan suddenly released her and went to his bedroom door. “You need salt,” he said. “And I’m a bad mechanic for ignoring it.”
Rowan took her hand and led her downstairs. She followed him clumsily, her knees still wobbly, not sure what had just happened between them. Caleb and Tristan were in the kitchen, about to sit down to dinner.
“Oh good,” Caleb said. “No one’s bleeding.”
“We worked it out.” Rowan smiled and pulled a chair out for Lily, then sat down next to her. Tristan looked between them, his face stony. He stood up suddenly, his food untouched. “Tristan?” Rowan said. “Do you still want Lily to claim you?”