Ash banged his head on the car bonnet. “Oh, hey, Kami,” he said, giving her a smile even though she’d practically given him a concussion. “No, no car trouble. The car would have to start for there to be trouble.” He kicked a tire.
Kami stepped forward to take a look. When she was a kid, her grandmother had decided their mechanic was dishonest and had taught herself and Kami the basics of car repair, and since Sobo had died Kami was the only one who knew how to fix anything at home. “Not a problem,” she said. “A wire’s loose, that’s it. Easy fix.” Kami leaned forward and tugged on the offending wire to demonstrate.
Ash puffed out a sharp, frustrated breath. “Right. I’m an idiot.” Kami leaned away and he looked from the car engine to her. “I’m sorry, let me try again,” he said. “Thank you. I’m in a rotten mood, but I really appreciate it.”
“It’s okay,” Kami said. “Though I will take a favor in exchange. Since you did not spill all the incriminating details I desire in your interview, I want you to help me write an article about moving back to England.”
“Moving back?” Ash asked. “I wasn’t even born when my parents left.”
“I’m still calling the article ‘Return of the Lynburns,’ ” Kami informed him. “And we’re taking a picture of you being all lord of the manor, outside on the hill. Do you own, like, an old-fashioned white shirt? Because you should wear it, and maybe it should be all wet, as if you were swimming in the lake.”
Ash laughed. “What lake would that be?”
“Any lake. There are two lakes in the woods. Doesn’t matter.”
“Fixing the car wasn’t that big a favor,” Ash said. “If you want me in a wet white shirt, you’re going to have to do something else for me.”
Kami raised her eyebrows. “Really?”
“Show me around?” Ash suggested. “I hear this place called Claire’s is good. Uh, how watchful is your mum?”
Kami let herself be swayed by his easy charm. “She neglects me horribly. It’s kind of tragic.”
Ash’s eyes lit up. “Great.”
Kami’d had exactly one boyfriend in
her entire life, and Claud had been a college friend of Angela’s brother and a terrible mistake with a goatee. Sometimes guys thought she was cute. But sometimes they measured her up and visibly found her chubby or dressed weirdly or—always a risk—looking like she was listening to the voice in her head.
She certainly wasn’t used to attention from guys this attractive. She looked away from Ash and down at the gravel of the parking lot. “So,” she said, keeping her tone casual, “why are you in a rotten mood? Someone bullying you at school? You can talk to me, I know how it is. Everyone’s always so cruel to the glamorous guy who lives in the big mansion.”
“My aunt and my cousin just moved in with us,” Ash said, his voice back to its usual light tone. “We’re still getting things sorted out so he can go to school, so you haven’t had the doubtful pleasure of meeting him yet. We don’t exactly get on.”
Kami glanced up and saw Ash was studying her. His habitual pleasant expression had returned. “Let me reference the mansion again,” Kami said. “Put the jerk in the south wing, you won’t see him for weeks at a time. Or lock him in the attic. The law will not be on your side, but literary precedent will.”
Ash looked mildly puzzled, but smiled at the joke anyway. “I’ll take that into consideration. Can I offer you a lift home?”
“Nah. I don’t really trust your car, buddy,” Kami said. “Heard you’ve been having trouble with it.”
She always talked to Jared on her walks home. She reached for the connection to him as she left the school gates, letting him know that the next time there were screams in the woods, they were investigating.
Neither of them mentioned their last conversation.
That night Kami was so jumpy waiting for a scream and trying not to think about Jared that she couldn’t sleep. As a result, she spent the following day staggering from one class to the next. Angela gave up asking her what was wrong and just steered her in the right direction through the halls. Kami was wearily relieved when the last bell rang and she could stumble home.
Kami’s day wasn’t over yet. Her father greeted her at the door and asked if she could watch her younger brothers while he finished up a big project. Kami was used to this. Luckily, Ten and Tomo were absorbed in front of the television, so she was able to drift in and out of a doze while curled up in the window seat.
Kami’s mind was turned toward Jared, without her normal barriers up between them. She could not help thinking of how soon she might lose him, and she kept reaching for him without meaning to. If he was gone, she would stop being distracted at odd times, would be a little more normal. Her mother would be so pleased. Everyone would think it was the best thing for her. Except that Kami couldn’t think of it as the best thing for her. Not when every time she thought of losing Jared, her heart beat out an insistent rhythm of sheer desolate misery and all she could think about was how she would miss him.
If she thought about him as if he was real, insane though that was, it was different. If cutting ties would make his life better, she could bear it.
I was thinking maybe …, Kami said, and thought about him, what was best for him, steadily so he knew she was sure. Maybe things would be better for you if you do what your mother wants. Maybe it’s the right thing to do.
Jared said, I don’t care.
Too many of their walls were coming down with their shared distress, blazing a channel open between them. She should pull back. She would in a moment.
I don’t want to be sane. I don’t want to be normal, said Jared. I just want you.