"How can I believe anything you tell me?" He turns and shakes his head. "How can I believe any of what you're telling me now is even true?"
"Because she told me so herself!" I bellow.
"When you were beating it out of her?"
The silence is deafening as I try to recover from that fatal blow, the reminder I don't need. He doesn't have to tell me what happened. I’ll never forget.
"It wasn't like that," I whisper on a shaky breath. "I was fighting for my life. I didn't mean to kill her, but I had no choice. It was either her or me."
Santiago collapses into the chair by the door, and I can see that nothing I’ve said has managed to soften his anger. It eats at me, and I just wish he’d look at me for one second without complete revulsion. As I consider that it might never happen, a fresh wave of tears washes over me.
"Would you rather it was me? Is that it? Do you wish it were me who was dead on that floor?"
"What I would have rathered was that you never lied to me at all!" he roars. "You betrayed me. You schemed. You nearly fucking killed me. My own sister. Do you understand that?"
I suck in a sharp breath and stare at him pleadingly. "I would rather die than hurt you, brother. Please believe that, if nothing else."
His eyes move over me, his grief palpable. He feels as if he’s lost me too. But instead of death, it was the darkness that stole me. I’m too far beyond redemption, and he’s tired of trying to save me. I can feel it in my bones. It rattles my teeth, and for a second, the agony makes me wish I were actually dead. Perhaps that would have been the best outcome for everyone tonight. If I’d given up the fight and let her win, at least I wouldn’t have had to witness this anguish from the one person who’s always loved me, even at my worst. I wouldn’t have to feel him giving up on me.
“Get in bed and try to get some sleep,” he says quietly.
“What’s going to happen now?” I argue.
“Now, you are going to get some sleep,” he repeats. “And when you wake up, you will start fresh.”
Hope breathes anew as I watch his posture relax with a sigh. I can see his resolve, his acceptance that we have no choice but to move forward and put this behind us. For a moment, a calm settles over me. Nothing is all right, and it won’t be for a long time, but Santiago isn’t giving up on me. Blood is the unbreakable bond that can’t be severed. We’ve been through too much. We’ve come too far to abandon each other in a time like this.
That relief wraps me in a warm cocoon, and I don’t dare utter another word. Santi is the head of our household, and in our world, that means his word is law. It doesn’t matter that I’m twenty-five years old. It’s his job to look after me, and he takes it very seriously. I haven’t been taking it seriously enough. I’ve already tested him too many times, and I know we’re on tenuous ground at best.
As I climb into bed and quietly secure myself beneath the covers, it’s a small way of showing him that I can listen. I can abide by the rules of The Society and do what’s expected of me. I can prove that I’m worthy again and find a way to move forward, even if I’m broken inside.
When I close my eyes, that moment of warmth expanding in my chest is blotted out by the darkness as the reminder of what I’ve done haunts me all over again. I see her face. I feel her blood dripping from my hands as I stumble back with the horrifying realization that I’ve killed someone. It torments me. It grabs me and doesn’t let me go until eventually, by some miracle, exhaustion steals me away.
I wake with a jolt, my breath hissing between my teeth as fragments of the insidious nightmare try to drag me back to the hell that unfolded only hours ago. Or was it hours? As I bolt upright, fear crawls up my spine, tickling every one of my senses. How long have I been asleep? Was it all a dream? Could that even be possible?
My eyes adjust to the darkness, and I stare at the figures sitting across from each other in the shadows. Dread curdles the blood in my veins.
“Santi?” My voice fractures as I cling to the covers around me. “What’s going on?”
He rises from his seat, his back rigid, and I want to believe I’m confused. I’m not awake at all, but still trapped in a nightmare somehow.
“You are dangerous,” he says softly. “And you have proven that I can’t trust you. Not in my home. Not in my life. And now, there is only one solution that can save you.”
I’m shaking my head in denial as my eyes move to the other figure. The one sitting like a silent warden as he watches me in the dim light. Instinctively, I know who he is. I’ve known him for years. He’s Santi’s friend, and more importantly, he’s tasked with the Rite of my care should anything ever happen to my brother. Lawson “Judge” Montgomery is an unyielding, razor-sharp beast of a man. He’s as cold-hearted as they come, and he lets it be known in the harsh way he delivers his verdicts, both in the courtroom and outside of it. Nobody dares to question him. Nobody dares to challenge him. Few can even really look him in the eye, and I have to admit, I find myself among that crowd. He terrifies me in ways I can’t admit to myself, but the idea of him stealing me away leaves my heart racing and my head pounding.
“No,” I shriek, yanking the covers off me. “You can’t send me away. You can’t!”
“It’s done.” Santiago nods to Judge, and I scramble from the bed, trying to force my stiff limbs to cooperate.
Judge steps forward, and for one split second, our eyes lock, and I freeze. I’m too emotional to understand what’s happening, but something in his gaze tells me it’s going to be okay. He silently implores me to listen and not to make this difficult, and for a moment, I want to believe in that false comfort. I want to collapse into his arms, if for no other reason than I need someone to comfort me right now. Just for a minute. But I would have to be delusional to believe Judge could ever offer that to me. He didn’t come here to soothe me. He came to capture me.
I bolt for Santiago, prepared to beg and plead for my life. I will do anything, say anything… but I don’t even make it to him. Judge intercepts me, snatching me from the side and wrapping a steel arm around my waist, yanking me back against his huge frame.
An agonizing sound heaves from my lungs as I try to fight, but it’s useless. Within seconds, he has my arms pinned behind my back and my body snug against his. I’m too exhausted to challenge him. I’ve already fought for my life once tonight. Now, all I can do is scream.
“Santi, please don’t do this!”
“Go,” Judge tells him. “I will handle this.”