“Don’t you dare apologize,” she says, wiping my tears from under my eyes, the same way her son did not too long ago. “You’re pregnant and have a lot going on. Sometimes we just need a good cry.”
“Yeah,” I breathe. “It’s just been a rough few days.”
“We all have those, but the key is to let people help.” She smiles softly, no judgement in sight, reminding me of Easton. “I’m here, so how about you let me help?”
I nod, knowing I’m at my limit today and my day isn’t even close to being over. “Okay, thank you.”
“Now, as I was saying before. Why don’t you take a bath—”
“I would love to, but I have to go to work in a couple hours and—”
“Work?” She gasps. “No, that’s not happening. You’re not feeling well.” She places her hand on my warm forehead. “You’re going to call and let them know you’re sick and won’t be in tonight and then you’re going to take a bath while I color with Kendall and feed her.”
She raises a brow, daring me to argue, and as much as I want to, because I really need the money, I don’t, because she’s right. I’m not feeling well and I’ll be no good to anyone at work.
“Okay, thank you.”
“No need to thank me. That’s what family is for.” Her words cause me to choke up. Family… When I told my mom I was pregnant, again, she told me I was ruining my life and that she was ashamed of my choices, then hung up on me. We haven’t spoken since…
After I call Dante to let him know I can’t come in tonight and let Naomi know she’s off the hook from watching Kendall, I fill the bath up and get in, putting my head back and taking a few minutes to relax. I can’t even remember the last time I got to take a bath in peace.
I’m barely awake when my phone dings with an incoming text. I open my eyes and click on it to see who it is.
Easton: Hey, Dash, I hope your headache has gone away and you’re having a better day today. My flight is scheduled for Friday. I can’t wait to see you. I won’t have long, but I was thinking maybe we could go get Kendall from school together so I could see her too…Just a thought. If I’m overstepping, let me know. I miss you guys. Have a good night at work.
His text has me in tears all over again. He’s trying so hard, and I keep pushing him away. I want so badly to tell him the truth. To tell him that my pushing him away is to protect Kendall. He cares about her. He’ll understand. But what if he wants to try and play hero and says something to someone? Or he doesn’t understand and then he knows and can tell anyone…
No, I can’t risk it. I can’t tell anyone, ever. But I’m not sure I can go on like this either. It feels like my life is at an impasse and I need to figure out which way to go next. And no matter what I choose I’m screwed…
I send Easton back one of my standard responses, so he doesn’t worry, then lay my head back again and close my eyes, wishing and praying for the right answer to come to me—knowing there isn’t one, and at some point, I’m going to have to face my life and deal with it head-on.
“Sunshine, come eat,” I groan, setting the plate of food on the table.
“Okay!” Kendall comes running over, iPad in hand, where she’s been watching video after video about skiing since yesterday, when Easton told her he was in Colorado, where—unlike New York City—there’s a benefit to the snow—snowboarding and skiing. Now she’s obsessed and keeps asking when we can go.
“Peanut butter and jelly?” She pouts—I know, I have a weird child who isn’t a fan of the classic sandwich every kid is supposed to love. “Can I have soup?” she asks, referring to the homemade chicken soup Alicia fed us—which was delicious, until I threw it all up—before she insisted I go to bed, while she stayed and hung out with Kendall, putting her to bed.
I woke up the next morning to her making us breakfast—which I wasn’t able to keep down. She made so much soup I was able to give it to Kendall last night for dinner, which was good since I was so sick and weak, I didn’t have it in me to make anything else. I was forced to call out from work again. I’m pretty sure I have the flu or some kind of bug, and I’ve put a call in to my doctor to see if there’s anything they can give me to help it along.