I need this.
CHAPTER 35
Reed
It’s torture—pure and simple torture. I want to grab Callie, wrap my hand in her hair, and have her submit to me in every single way I can think of. At the same time, watching her come out of her shell in ways she never did in the past is the most satisfyingly, beautiful thing I could ever imagine.
I smile as her shyness comes out, and she awkwardly climbs on top of me. My eyes close as I feel her pressed against me.
“How are you feeling, honey? Are you still with me?” I ask, putting my hands on her legs as if to ground her and let her know that I’m here with her.
“I’m okay,” she says, her hands resting against my stomach. She’s looking down—anywhere but at me really.
“Give me your eyes, Callie. Let me see your face.”
She lifts her head slowly. It’d take a fool not to see that she’s uncomfortable. “You don’t have to do this, Bluebird. I promise I’m good waiting.”
“What if I’m not?” she asks, surprising me.
“You’re going to have to explain,” I hedge.
“Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve felt normal, Reed?”
“How long, sweetheart?”
“Since the day you walked away from me.”
Her answer kills me. It feels like a knife plunged into my chest. It hurts so much that surely, I’m bleeding inside. I grab her hand on my stomach and bring it over my heart, holding it there as if it could staunch the pain. “Callie, you made me leave. If I had—”
“I’m not talking five years ago, Reed. I’m talking when you pushed me away so you could deal with…with…”
“I was a fucking fool.”
“You were just like me. Young and confused and trying to make the best out of a bad situation. God, so many times I wish I could go back, change the decisions that brought Mitch between us….”
“I have those same regrets,” I admit.
She rakes her hand along the side of her face, her nails scratching against her scalp as she flips her long bangs all to one side. It’s something she does often when she’s frustrated or worried. It’s not meant to be sexy, but then everything about Callie is innately beautiful and sexy to me.
“The thing is, I don’t want to allow that woman or Mitch to steal anymore from me. I might never be a lot better than I am right now, but I have to fight to keep from letting myself be trapped by fear.”
“Is that why you insist on the travel nursing?”
She nods. “Yeah, I mean, the money is good, but by forcing myself to face new co-workers and new facilities every week or so, I’m keeping myself from being comfortable. It’s a small thing, but it makes me feel more in control of who I am.”
“That can’t be easy.”
“God, it’s really not. For so long, I had to endure panic attacks two days before work. A couple of times I was forced to call in sick. It is getting better though. I think it’s because I pushed through and now it feels almost normal.”
“So, you’re hoping if you force yourself to go through having sex with me you’ll feel normal?” I ask, needing to understand and not quite sure I like her description.
She scrunches her nose up adorably and frowns at me. “I’m not sure I’d put it like that.”
“How would you put it, honey?” My fingers stroke back and forth on the sides of her legs while we’re talking. I suppose it’s strange to have this conversation with both of us naked and her straddling me. Still, I’m glad we are. I think it’s the first time I’ve ever felt like I’m making progress with Callie, and that’s going back to before I left years ago.
“You don’t understand Reed. You’ve always been the one person to make me feel alive. Hell, you make me feel, period. You always have. You’ve always had pieces of me. I want this with you because in one way or another, I’ve always belonged to you.”
I wrap my hand around the side of her neck, leaning up as I bring her mouth to meet mine and kiss the hell out of her. I’m stormed by emotion, some of it that has been reawakened, and yet even more is brand fucking new. A surge of rightness hits me, but also hope. I’m on the right path with this woman. I feel it with everything in me, and I know what Callie and I have is worth fighting for. She pushes down against me as we kiss. My cock slips between the lips of her pussy. I groan into her mouth when I feel how wet she is. Her sweet heat flows down against my shaft as she rocks on me, enveloping me. Our kiss intensifies as my hand drops to her breast and palms the pale globe, squeezing it before I tease her nipple. As the kiss ends, I bite her lips, gentle and teasing, but sucking on it for the very simple fact that I don’t want to let go of her.