I threw my head back in laughter.
“Hey, you can laugh”—she pointed her spatula at me—“but wait until you love a guy this much and see how crazy it makes you.”
My amusement abruptly dried up.
Regan frowned. “I’m sorry, Arro. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I’m not upset,” I lied. “I just don’t think that kind of love is in the cards for me.”
There was a moment of silence and then, “Or maybe you already do love someone like that, and something is standing in your way?”
I couldn’t look at her. Instead, I looked outside. Thane’s living space was open plan with floor-to-ceiling bifold doors opening onto a deck that led down to the garden. I caught flashes of the kids and Ery as they chased a football. “They seem in good spirits. I take it they don’t know you and Thane are fighting?”
“We’re not fighting now—I think—and no. We kept our angry voices down. I noticed you left the reception with a cute guy on Friday.”
At her change of subject, I asked, “So?”
“Well …” She grinned, revealing her adorable dimples. “Who is he? What happened?”
“Gray.” I shrugged, not really wanting to discuss the fact that I’d led a guy on, let him take me to his room, and then freaked out as soon as he tried to undress me. Gray had been kind about it, even though he was pretty drunk, and we’d fallen asleep on his bed without doing anything. I’d snuck out before everyone else woke up, and Wakefield, whom I was quite certain never slept, had a driver take me home. “Nothing happened.”
“Oh. Did you want something to happen?”
“Nope.”
Regan exhaled in exasperation. “Arro, what is going on with you? It’s like pulling teeth to get anything out of you these days. You’ve been off for weeks.”
Scowling, I gestured to the half-ready plates. “Did I come here for lunch or to be interrogated?”
“See? That”—she pointed at me indignantly—“that tone, that whole attitude, this bitchiness, is just not you.”
Stunned by her honesty, I slumped.
Because she was right.
This evasive snarkiness was not me.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry—just tell me what’s going on.”
I wanted to. I wanted to tell someone so much, and maybe that was the problem. Maybe this anger and pain and resentment simmering inside all the time would never go away if I kept it to myself forever.
But even after everything … I couldn’t turn this family against Mac.
“I’m just being selfish.” I couldn’t meet Regan’s gaze. “Watching Lachlan and Thane meet the loves of their lives makes me wish I could too. It seems impossible living in a tiny place like this.” Lately, as much as it physically hurt to think about separating from my family, I wondered if it might not be worth considering a job in the Lowlands, closer to Glasgow and Edinburgh. I’d have a better chance of meeting someone there.
“Why don’t you try online dating? Even if you had to travel a little farther to meet someone, it would be worth it, right?”
“I’ve tried online dating,” I murmured.
“Try again. I mean, when was the last time you were in a relationship? When was the last time you had sex?”
I groaned, remembering. “Almost a year ago.”
“That’s not too bad.”
“Says the woman getting it on the regular.” I winced, thinking about who was giving it to her on the regular. At her sly look, I warned, “Don’t say a word.”