I frowned. “Not members being arseholes?”
“Kind of, yeah. Nothing serious that would concern Lachlan. Just the usual entitled diva shit. Plus”—she grinned mischievously—“they tell all these private stories in front of us. It doesn’t go further than staff room chat, I promise,” she hurried to assure me, “but I can’t believe the things these people have done and are happy to talk about in front of the staff.”
“It’s because they know it won’t go any further.” All of Lachlan’s staff had signed nondisclosure agreements and would find themselves sued thrice over whatever a newspaper might pay them for the juicy details.
Eredine nodded, walking to me with tea in hand. I gratefully accepted a hot mug as she joined me on the couch, curling her feet under her. “This one actor had a three-way with a Hollywood golden couple. Like … my mind is blown by who this couple is.”
I chuckled at the twinkle of amusement in her eyes. It was good to see Ery amused and lighthearted again. She’d been so despondent lately. “Now I want to know.”
She bit her lip. “Sorry, can’t.”
I shrugged. “I’ll just ask Lachlan. He probably already knows.”
We laughed, but there was a slight edge of hysteria to mine, and I wondered if Ery heard it. I sipped my tea, trying to calm my nerves.
“What did you want to talk about?” my friend asked quietly.
Taking a deep breath, I answered, “Something I need to tell someone or I might explode … but it doesn’t have to be you, Ery. If I tell you this, I’m essentially putting you in the middle, because I’d be asking you to keep a secret from Lachlan and basically everyone else you care about.”
Eredine’s brows rose. “And who would you tell if you didn’t tell me?”
I didn’t know.
There truly wasn’t anyone I trusted as much as I trusted my reserved friend.
“Arro … you’re my friend too.” Ery leaned over to place a hand over mine. “If you need me, I’m here, even if that means keeping something from Lachlan and the others. I can’t imagine you’d ask me to keep something from them they need to know.”
“No, none of them need to know. I don’t think.”
“Then tell me. You obviously need to talk about it, whatever it is.”
I nodded quickly, my pulse throbbing. “I do.”
“I’m all ears.”
Settling back against her couch, I stared at the lit fireplace, deciding where to begin. “I’m in love with Mac,” I blurted out and looked at her.
Ery did not look surprised.
Shit.
Had I been that obvious?
“I mean, I was in love with him. For years. And I thought for the longest time that the reason we weren’t together was because of the age difference and because of Lachlan. But after Mac got stabbed, things changed between us. We grew closer. He … he was always coming around, spending time with me. Then Thane and Regan got together. Do you know there are thirteen years between them, and there are thirteen years between me and Mac?”
“I didn’t realize that, no,” she murmured.
“I was stupid,” I whispered harshly, the memories of that night like fire in my throat. “I thought that because Lachlan was fine about their relationship, that the thirteen years didn’t seem to matter to him or to anyone, that it set a precedent. All barriers between me and Mac were out of the way. The night of my birthday, I thought he thought the same thing.”
“What happened? I don’t remember anything happening.”
We’d all gotten together at North Star, my favorite restaurant, some miles up the coast from Ardnoch, to celebrate my thirty-second birthday.
“Do you remember Mac drove me home?” I’d had a few glasses of champagne with dinner, so I’d needed someone else to take me home.
“Yeah. Did something happen then?”
“While I was tipsy?” I shook my head. “Never. I mean, things have happened between us. Kissing, a little more than kissing, never sex, though. And he’d never do anything if I’d had a drink. He’s wonderfully and irritatingly old-fashioned that way.” Pain ached near my heart. The memory of loving someone I now hated tormented me. “But when we pulled up to my house, he gave me a gift he hadn’t wanted to give me in front of everyone else.”