Always You (Adair Family 3)

I blanched but relaxed back into my seat at Iona’s confirmation of what I already knew to be true.

“However,” Iona continued, “we cannot ignore the causality in this situation, Mac. The causality being that by the time you and Stacey entered this tug-of-war for Robyn, you were already hardwired to believe you didn’t deserve good things. Your parents, Craig’s death, and your guilt over not returning Stacey’s feelings—these all contributed to your negative thought patterns. Now you tell me you and Robyn are in a wonderful place, that you gave her away at her wedding, and she’s been very supportive of you coming here to talk with me.”

The thought of Robyn filled me with unending pride. I could bloody burst with it. “She’s tremendous. I don’t know what I did to des—” I cut off.

Iona gave me a small smile. “To deserve her, you were going to say.”

I nodded.

“We need to work on this idea that you’re deserving or you’re not, Mac. We’ll get there.” She leaned back on the sofa and continued, “My point is, Robyn has offered you forgiveness and understanding.”

“Aye, she has.”

“Does that forgiveness mean anything to you?”

I frowned, irritated. “Of course it does.”

“But you still feel undeserving of her love?”

Sudden intense emotion made it difficult for me to draw breath.

Iona tilted her head to the other side, studying me for a few seconds. “Is Robyn someone who offers third and fourth and infinite chances to most people? Does she see the good in everyone? Too trusting?”

I smirked at the thought, my airways opening up again. “Robyn is a detective at heart, even if she lost the passion for the job.”

“Meaning?”

“She’s slow to trust, but perceptive as hell. If she accepts someone in her life, then there’s little doubt that person is trustworthy and kind. Robyn wouldn’t stand for anything else.”

Iona offered me a smug smile I didn’t quite understand. “Listen to what you just said, Mac. Repeat the words to yourself.”

I did, and understanding dawned. “It’s different,” I was quick to answer. “I’m her father. There’s a familial pull that can blind you.”

“Blind her to what? Were you cruel when she came to Scotland to find you?”

“Of course not.”

“You refused to make yourself vulnerable to her in order to make headway in mending your relationship?”

Remembering the day we’d finally had it out, the way I’d broken down as my wee girl cried over losing me, tears stung my eyes all over again. “No … I told her how sorry I was, how much I’d missed her, how much I love her.”

Iona nodded. “And have you stayed in her life since she came back into yours?”

“I see her almost every day.”

“And when she needs you, are you there? If she calls, do you pick up?”

I nodded. “I will never leave her again. I’ll die first.”

Iona gave me an almost affectionate smile. “Surely, it stands to reason Robyn sees all of that in you, Mac. And that is why she has forgiven you in order for you to move forward. We can’t take back the past. We can’t go back. But we can change our future, and it sounds to me like that is what Robyn has done. And if she, the person wronged in all this, can forgive you, Mac, then the best gift you can give to her is to forgive yourself.”

Her words pierced my chest like a blade, and I scrubbed my hand over my mouth as I stared out at the river and nodded my agreement.

“Every time you have a negative thought about your past with Robyn, I want you to immediately remember something positive that occurred between you, from either the past or the present. Pull up a good memory of the two of you together, one where you’re there for her. I want you to do that every time. Every time. And eventually, hopefully, you’ll start to see yourself as the father you’ve become. A good father, Mac.”

“What makes you so loyal to Lachlan?”

I shrugged. “He was the first person since working in private security who treated me as an equal. He was this upcoming movie star, a few years younger than me, young enough that shit should have gone to his head. And it never did. He was always thinking about home, about his family, about Arro. Everything he did was for them. Soon enough, because we shared a similar sense of humor, views on the world, liked the same sports, movies, music, we became great mates. And it didn’t take long for me to realize Lachlan viewed me as his family too. Every discussion about the future, about transforming the estate into what it has become, I was always in those plans. He never forgot about me.”