“But Robyn made me realize you can’t help who you love, Mac. I realized then you were a better man than I am because you didn’t stand in our way, and I knew if it had been the other way around, I’d have tried to keep Arro from you. And that would’ve been wrong.”
I wasn’t sure what to say.
“I might even have still tried,” Lachlan admitted.
That surprised me.
“Come on, Mac. I know you better than anyone does. You’ve got everyone else fooled that you’re Mr. Can Handle Anything. But I know you. I know you have demons. And I didn’t want that for Arro. So knowing that you’re doing something about it … has eased my concerns somewhat. And anyway, she is a grown woman, and it’s not my place to make those kinds of decisions for her.”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“Because it’s none of my business how you deal with your own shit. It would only become my business if it affected Robyn or Arro. But you never let it affect Robyn. I suspected you let it affect Arro, and you’ve just confirmed that.”
“I am trying, though.”
“I know, that’s what I said. Have you told Arro how you feel about her?”
“Not in so many words. She isn’t exactly making it easy to have a chat these days. I tried to get her to come to jujitsu, and she’s somehow avoided every class for weeks.”
“Do you think telling her will fix things?”
I bloody wished. “I don’t know. I hope so. But … it might not be enough.”
Lachlan’s expression hardened. “What did you say to her?”
My tone implacable, I replied, “That’s nobody’s business but hers and mine, and I know for a fact she wouldn’t want it bandied about among her family.”
“Then that means it was pretty bloody shitty.” He pushed off the counter. “Fuck, Mac.”
“I know.” I glanced away. “Believe me, multiply your anger by a million, and that’s how much I’ve got directed at myself. But I’m trying.” I looked back at him. “It wasn’t easy for me to walk into that therapist’s office, but I did it for her. I did it for her, but I stayed for me. For both of us. I needed to know that I wouldn’t hurt her again because of my own fucked-up way of thinking.”
We were silent a second or two, and then Lachlan asked quietly, “What happens next, then? You tell Arro, she forgives you, you stop going to therapy or …”
“Robyn said for her, it’s a way of life.”
“Aye, she still talks to her therapist. So you think that’ll be you? Seeing this woman for the foreseeable future?”
I nodded. “Even if Arro can never forgive me.”
Lachlan smirked.
“What?” I frowned.
“Arro … Arro has only held a grudge a few times in her life, and it never lasted, except for Lucy and Fergus. So unless you stalked her brother and stabbed the man she loves, I’m thinking she’ll get over it.”
I didn’t smile at his teasing because I wasn’t so sure. It wasn’t just a case of hurting Arro’s feelings. She didn’t look at me the same way anymore. The hero worship, the tenderness … the trust. It was gone.
And that scared the shit out of me.
Seeing my expression, Lachlan sobered. “Talk to her, Mac. Tell her how you feel. But know I won’t stand in your way, and I doubt my brothers will either. I always worried about who Arro would end up with, even more so after that prick Guy Lewis beat the crap out of her. But if I knew she was with you … well, I could rest easy at night knowing that.”
Emotion welled, and I swallowed hard against it, giving him a gruff nod of thanks.
He grinned suddenly. “Though what a bloody confusing family tree. If we have a kid, and you and Arro have a kid … what does that make them to each other?”
I thought about it and groaned in amusement as I replied, “Well, they’d be cousins, but mine and Arro’s kid would also be your kid’s either half uncle or half aunt because Robyn would be my kid’s half sister.”
Lachlan rolled his eyes. “We could start our own reality show.” Then his gaze sharpened, causing my laughter to die. “You’d want kids, Mac?”