“Even if Father could cut us off, we’ve succeeded in procuring all the funds we need to see to our futures. You are no longer marrying me to protect me, my family. But more importantly, I’m no longer marrying you for any of those reasons.”
Loren stilled as his mind blanked.
Except for the understanding that she was marrying him for…
Him.
“The flowers have been decided,” she shared. “My gown and Mother’s gown and Maxine’s gown are all currently being crafted. The menu has been set. We await Father’s trial and then we’re away to Dalwin. But we don’t need to be.”
He took another step to her, murmuring, “Satrine—”
Unable, it seemed, to utter many complete sentences that night, she retreated while interrupting him.
“I want you to have what you want.”
“I already told you that’s you.”
“You deserve better.”
“There is no better than you.”
“You don’t know this now, but that isn’t true. And whatever is holding you back from me, I urge you to trust those instincts, and find the woman who’s right for you.”
Those words were alarming, but he had another problem that was taking precedence in the now.
She’d picked up her skirts and was actively leaving.
He followed.
He slammed the door she was opening, she whirled to him, and he kept his hand at the door by her head, his body blocking forward escape. His other hand he sifted into the folds of her cloak to curl his fingers at her waist and fully cage her in.
“Please step back,” she said to his throat.
“My apologies, my lady, but in this moment, you’ve no choice but to be at my whim.”
She lifted her gaze to his.
Amber swimming in desolation.
He caused that.
His gut wrenched.
As such, his next words, guttural and wretched, sounded torn from him.
“Don’t let me go.”
Her lips parted.
“My hold is slipping, Satrine, don’t let me go.”
“Your hold on what?”
“On anything that is good in this world.”
He heard her pained gasp and felt her light touch at his abdomen.
“Loren.”
“Darling, I don’t seek your company because I don’t want you consumed by the darkness.”
“Your darkness?”
“Indeed.”
“You aren’t dark, honey.”
“You will never know, because I will never tell you the shadows that live in me.”
She lifted a hand to his jaw and moaned, “Baby.”
He dropped his forehead to hers but did not lose his hold on her eyes.
And for the first time in his life, he begged.
“Don’t let me go.”
“You are good, Loren.”
He shook his head, not breaking their contact.
“How can you not see how wonderful you are?” she asked.
“I would like to say that this is the reason why I want you. That you make me believe that, even if it isn’t true. And perhaps, in part, it is. Mostly you, and your mother, and even Maxine remind me why I did the things I did. You also remind me strength can be both bold and gentle. You remind me that there are lights that do not dim. And I need that.”
“Then you shall have it.”
By the bloody gods.
He closed his eyes and dropped his forehead to her shoulder.
She wrapped both hands around the sides of his neck.
“I also hope part of it is that you want to ravish me…eventually,” she jested.
He drew in breath and lifted his head to catch her eyes.
“Absolutely,” he replied.
Her smile was tremulous, but it was there, and so was she.
She was also no longer trying to leave.
Which was the only reason Loren allowed himself to relax.
“Can you promise me not to dash about town, exacting justice with your flesh and blood, until, at least, that cut begins to heal?” she asked.
“I will make you that promise if you promise in return not to leave me.”
“I’m not leaving you, baby,” she whispered.
“I mean tonight. I mean now.”
Her eyes got huge.
She misunderstood him.
“Make no mistake, dearest, I very much wish to couple with you, but that will not happen tonight, after I’ve had too much whisky, not to mention I gave and received a beating. Though I do want you by my side while I sleep.”
“Won’t people talk?”
He felt his brows draw together, for she had been sequestered for decades and thus did not know many of the ways of her world, but her mother was an adult when she’d been sent away, and she definitely knew.
Surely, she’d explained this to her daughter.
“Our pending alliance has been announced in the papers,” he reminded her.
“Yes, Mom and I approved the wording when Ansley showed us what his secretary drafted.”
Perhaps she and her mother had not discussed it, for it wasn’t she who was promised to him, but Maxine. They might not have ever imagined Satrine would make an alliance.
And it was fair to say, much had been happening since.
Therefore, it was up to him to educate her.
“Propriety dictates I behave in a gentlemanly manner while courting you, but once our union has become official, that being announced and public, we are at liberty, and even encouraged, to explore what a life together will mean in all its manifestations.”