I’m suddenly breathing heavy. Like I can’t seem to get enough oxygen.
“Pie? Fuck,” he says. Then he drags the chair over to me. “Here. Sit down.”
I do, because if I don’t, I might faint.
Tarq kneels down in front of me so we’re eye to eye. He takes my hand in his claws.
I look away, unable to meet his gaze.
I don’t want to be here anymore. And if I had a clear idea of how to get home, I’d jump up and head that direction.
Tarq squeezes my hand. Not hard though. He is surprisingly gentle. “There is a plan, Pie. And everything we know is based on the plan.”
He stops. Like he’s waiting for me to ask the obvious question, What plan? But I don’t want to know the plan. It feels very wrong to know the plan. And once you know the plan, it’s kinda hard to unknow the plan. So… then what?
“What plan?” Tarq asks.
I turn my head to look at him. “What?”
“You want to ask these questions, you just don’t want to know the answers. Yet. But you will, Pie.”
He’s probably right.
“So I’m gonna ask the questions for you. All you have to do is listen.”
Again, he waits. But this time I think he’s waiting for an objection. And I really do want to object, but it feels like a lot of effort. So I don’t.
Tarq lets out a sigh. “I actually do remember this part.”
“What part?”
“The part where I learned the truth about what it means.”
I stare at him, holding my breath, waiting for that truth to fall out of his mouth.
But he stands back up and says something else instead. “It was a pretty bad time for me. I remember a dark room. And sleeping a lot. And an utter feeling of…” He pauses, searching for the right word. “Helplessness, I suppose. So I’m not gonna say anymore today. Because once you learn the truth, you will never be the same. And I don’t know where you’ve been for the last two thousand years, but you obviously think you’re human, so I’m gonna let you lead. We should be allowed to understand ourselves in our own good time, don’t you think?”
I nod, because my mouth is so dry I don’t think I could speak even if I wanted to.
“It all makes sense once you know the facts. It won’t be confusing, or disorienting, or…” He shrugs. “Feel like a curse, I guess.”
I scoff. “I doubt that.”
“I did too. Have, actually, this whole time. There is a lot to say about me, and I’m sure there is a lot to say about you, too. But enough for today. Let’s talk about something else. How was your first day? Satisfactory?”
Satisfactory? That’s a weird, sterile word. I just shrug.
“Good. Well. I think that’s enough for now. We can have breakfast tomorrow morning and talk a little more. But if you’re not ready to learn the truth, that’s fine too, Pie. Don’t go home dwelling on it, OK? I won’t force you.”
Force me… to do what?
“Oh,” he says, snapping my attention back to him. “But do have a good look at the book before you leave. Because there are quite a few new debts in there now and I want you to know, it wasn’t me.”
I look up at him, suddenly eager to ask questions. But he’s already turned his back. He’s already walking out the door. His last words to me are, “See Luciano in the main lobby when you’re ready. He’ll open the portal for you.”
Then he’s gone and I’m alone with all these new, conflicting feelings. And all these unsettling truths bouncing around in my brain. And all the uncertainty that I’ve spent my whole life trying to outrun.
Because that’s what I’ve been doing. All those years of wandering weren’t about looking for something, or someone, or somewhere to fit in.