Savage Saints (Monsters of Saint Mark's)

A romantic idea.

I point to the monster. “I have something to do real quick. If Pie comes home before I get back, tell her to meet me in the cathedral.”

The monster nods and I start up the hill.

The little patio space directly outside the back of the cathedral is bustling with monsters doing various things. I don’t pay any attention to them, but that’s mostly because the black tomb is suddenly right in my face and I remember that I was going to check it out.

I don’t have time right now, so I just slip past everyone, go inside, up the stairs, and pretend I don’t hear Tomas calling me from the front hall when I enter the hallway leading to the Pleasure Cave.

Pie needs a hoof massage after a long day of work. Maybe a hornjob, too. This makes me chuckle. And I want to get the place all romantic and shit before I bring her up here.

“Pell!” Tomas is following me.

“I’m busy.”

“That’s fine, but the monsters want you to join them for dinner. There’s a huge feast to celebrate the arrival of hay.”

“No,” I growl. “I’m spending this evening with Pie.”

“Pie’s coming too.”

“No, she’s not. She’ll be with me.”

“Don’t be absurd. Batty is already waiting for her at the tomb door so he can invite her. She won’t say no.”

I’m plucking candles out of a wooden box when he says this. I pause. Because he’s right. If that bat monster gets to her before I do, and invites her to dinner, we’ll have to go. Because she will say yes.

And it’s not even like I can see her first because I can’t be at the tomb when she comes back. The door spells won’t allow it.

“Fuck.” I sigh.

“It’s a nice dinner,” Tomas proclaims. “Baked lasagna with a green salad and garlic bread.”

“Hmm.”

“Sounds good, doesn’t it?”

I won’t admit it, but it does sound good. Pie is kind of a terrible cook. But this Cookie Monster, he’s like a fucking five-star chef. “All right,” I growl again. “We’ll go to dinner. But afterward, you will leave us alone.”

“Oh, don’t worry about me. I have a date tonight.”

I’m placing the candles on various rock ledges when he says this, but I pause again. “What?”

“Madeline and I have a date.”

“Who the fuck is Madeline?”

“The girl from the feed store.”

I let out a long breath. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“What?” He truly looks perplexed.

“You can’t date someone from Granite Springs. That whole town is a bunch of clandestine eros.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. She’s not an eros. Neither of us fell in love with her at first sight.”

“Hello? You’re going on a date with her tonight.”