“Where are we going?” Cin asked innocently as I scooped him up from his bed. I didn’t allow him to see my face fully. He just thought I was another nun.
I whispered, “I’m taking you to your father,” hoping we didn’t wake the other children.
Leaving could never be that easy. “Hey, where are you going?” a man called.
As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t disappear in front of him. That would be remembered, recorded, and my footprint could leave no mark on this time. So I ran, like a thief, until I got to a dark tunnel and took that step into another time.
My landing after crossing in time hadn’t improved. The change from floor to ground or vice versa inevitably made me stumble. A battle raged all around with the sharp tinny clang of swords against each other reverberating in the air. Women screamed and children cried, and I had to ignore all of it. I circled the worst of it as my son squirmed in my arms. I fled away from the blocky Kintyre castle, where I assumed Duncan was making his escape. Then I spotted her. The woman who’d tried to help me lay dead near the entrance to the main street of her town. Her dress was torn, and I didn’t want to imagine what she’d suffered.
I set my son down, unwrapping the blanket from him. “Stay here and call for your father,” I said. His eyes, full of trust, held no recognition of me. There would be time to cry over that, but not now. “Use your other tongue,” I commanded. He didn’t get my meaning, not at first.
Duncan said his order’s language was instinctual, not learned. I deserved an award for the performance of a lifetime. I grabbed my side as if I’d been struck down and landed on the ground. I reached for the words and said in another tongue, “Call for your father,” remembering the last time I’d played dead for my son. Cin came over and touched my face. I didn’t react. That did it. He screamed, “Da!” first in English and then the other language—the one I heard, but no one else did.
Because I couldn’t let Duncan see me, I turned to my other side, facing away from Cin. Duncan would feel our bond, but I couldn’t leave my son. I had to know Duncan had him. And from Duncan’s recollection of events, he’d never suspected me. Hopefully Cin, at his age, wouldn’t notice I’d changed positions.
As Duncan neared, I felt his rage and confusion as he tore through the fighters I’d skirted around. When he stood before my son, Cin spoke in Angelish, or so I called it. “She died. She died.”
When Duncan recognized the dead girl, I could feel his anguish. Then his fear. He was afraid for our son. He scooped the boy in his arms but didn’t get far as the skies opened and three riders descended.
Before they reached him, I swore I heard Duncan call out another name. I prayed I was wrong.
There was no time to process that. His order had felt my presence in the castle what felt like a lifetime ago. I couldn’t be within a yard of where Duncan was. I rolled and got to my feet, running. Once I was sufficiently not in anyone’s sight, I stepped back in time to the nunnery.
This part I’d already carefully planned out. I’d timed my arrival seconds after my now past self left my room to get Cin to leave. Coming back to this time allowed me to be in bed where I was supposed to be when the alarm rose that a child had been taken.
If I hadn’t come back, I would leave a mark in a time I shouldn’t have been. They would link my disappearance with the missing boy, the son I’d arrived with. I couldn’t risk that.
Instead, I was in bed when they came to tell me that my son had been taken. My tears were true because my son had been taken from me and when I saw him again, I would have missed so much of his growing up.
I couldn’t go back and visit him as he grew up. Duncan would sense the change in me. He’d commented on my innocence enough to know he’d be able to tell it was gone. Additionally, he had to be the self-righteous bastard I’d met the first time.
To keep my cover and not raise suspicions about my connection to my son’s disappearance, I stayed at the nunnery for about a month longer before I finally stepped forward in time.
I arrived a few days after my initial arrival at Duncan’s castle. I’d been so naive then. I’d grown up a lot and felt wiser for it.
Having had years to perfect my craft, I stepped right outside the door where Duncan was. I knew he could feel me, because I’d felt him, even across time. I’d let our connection guide me to where I stood outside his door.