But here we were, five hours into the flight, and he was dead asleep. He had said something about training his body to get on the right time zone. I’d rolled my eyes and ordered another champagne.
Jay was not asleep.
He was in the pod across from us, sitting up and staring at his laptop, sipping from a mug of coffee.
I had reading material in front of me, but nothing could hold my attention. Usually on long international flights, I was with a bunch of people, drinking, talking, swapping stories.
I did not want to wake Karson. He looked much too peaceful. And now was the perfect time to talk to Jay when Karson wasn’t watching, ready to jump in front of me if I pissed Jay off.
The man in question looked up as I settled myself in an empty seat right beside him. His gaze was even, guarded.
I wasn’t sure if he was glad about my intervention or was plotting my death.
“Don’t worry, I’m not here to give you more shit about Stella,” I said. “My job is done. Well, not completely done. I’ll see her first. Get the lay of the land for you.” I winked at him. “Also, I’ve known her much longer than you, and I miss her enormously. So I call dibs.”
I took a sip of my champagne. Jay hadn’t even glanced back at his laptop. He was giving me his full attention. Also, I was pretty sure he’d just been staring at the screen, thinking about what might happen with Stella.
“I’m here to ask about your history with Karson,” I informed him, my eyes darting back over to where he was curled up asleep. “Now, I’m not asking you to betray his trust because I know all about his past and the…” I trailed off, looking around for a flight attendant. “Spy thing,” I stage whispered. “He’s been very open with me about who he is, and I adore him just the same. But he has stayed rather tight-lipped about your history with him. Out of loyalty, surely. He doesn’t want to tell your story for you. Or at all.” I regarded him. “And I don’t want to know it either, since I guess it’s a ‘if I tell you I have to kill you’ type deal, and I’m very attached to my life.” I glanced back over to Karson. “Especially right now.”
My mind lingered over the growled ‘I love you’ and my radio silence in return. Granted, we did fuck almost immediately after that. But I didn’t use any of my chances to say anything to him.
I focused back on Jay. “Although I am still pissed at you for hurting my friend, it seems I owe you a debt. Because it was you, through a series of events, who sent Karson and I hurtling toward each other. Without you, I wouldn’t have him. And I really like him. I love him, actually.” I mumbled the last part quietly, less than a whisper that was almost drowned out by the low hum of the engine.
Jay’s eyes flashed ever so slightly, but his expression stayed blank.
He was one stoic motherfucker.
“So if you feel like telling me a little story…” I invited.
Again, Jay did not speak immediately. He stared at me a while before he leaned back in his chair.
“There is a lot about my past that I haven’t told Stella,” he said. “A lot that I need to tell her first. So you’ll forgive me for doing some editing.”
I nodded in acceptance, something warm settling inside me at the tender way he said Stella’s name, how his face changed, softened for a second.
“The … organization that Karson left was not happy that he did,” he began. “And they were not happy that they didn’t notice signs, telling them he wanted to leave so they could’ve either reprogrammed or eliminated him.”
Even though I knew that Karson was sleeping a few feet away, even though I knew he’d escaped from them, a cold chill ran through me at the thought of something happening to him.
“He was smart,” Jay pressed on. “Moved a long way away, into a world deep underground. Where they wouldn’t look,” Jay explained. “The man he worked for was deplorable. True evil. But even he was afraid of Karson.” His emerald gaze veered toward Karson’s sleeping form before he focused back on me. “Karson was a much different man then. It took him years to untangle himself from the person that organization turned him into.”
When Jay leaned forward to sip from his coffee, I took the opportunity to drain my champagne. I needed it, thinking of Karson in the past. Thinking of what this fucking world had turned him into. It would’ve made sense if he’d stayed like that, a killing machine, unable to care about anything or anyone.
But he didn’t.
He cared about me.
Loved me.
In a way that made me feel safe. Treasured. He was a fucking miracle. He could say the words, and I could not.
Bullshit.
“I was much different then too,” Jay continued. “We became as close as men like us could be. I told him of my plans to overthrow the asshole ruling the city. The one who would instantly kill both of us if he thought it would keep him safer. Karson followed my lead. Had my back. And he has ever since.”
Though his voice remained cold, I could detect something there. Respect. A manly kind of affection. Jay did truly care about Karson. Although he would probably rather die than say it out loud.
“Can I get you another champagne, ma’am?” the flight attendant asked. I’d been so engrossed in Jay’s little story that I hadn’t heard him approach.