Ish.
I didn’t love having someone follow me around, able to report my actions and location to anyone. Even Karson. I’d lived my life on my own terms since before I could remember. My parents never set rules or curfews for me. There had never been an authority figure in my life.
But I had to trust Karson. Trust his intentions.
Which I announced to my friends at drinks the second they sat down.
It was safe to say this shocked them.
Stella sprayed her martini all over the table.
Both Yasmin and Zoe were speechless. Literally speechless. They had been my friends for years. For years I had told them that I was never having children.
And for me, a never say never girl, I was really fucking serious.
I just hadn’t accounted for Karson and his super sperm.
My girlfriends knew me better than anyone. Their opinions meant the world to me. So I was terrified. I needed them to tell me that it was all going to be okay.
That I could do this.
But Stella was trying to wipe up her mess; Zoe and Yasmin were wide-eyed and speechless.
“Someone has to say something,” I snapped, glaring at each of them. “Because I cannot drink to calm my nerves.”
Yasmin got her shit together first. “Honey, this is … great?” Her voice was high and uncertain and did nothing to quell my anxiety.
“It’s great if you want it to be great,” Zoe corrected, ever the rational, supportive friend. She was not one to scream, jump around crying and buying me mittens or whatever the fuck. She was in love with her life and did not want children.
“Right,” Stella said quickly. “If you don’t want it to be great, if you don’t want it, then that’s okay too, babe. It’s your body.”
They each nodded and Stella squeezed Yasmin’s hand.
We were all there for her when she’d had to make a tough, heart-wrenching decision five years ago. Yasmin did want children. But she wanted her career more than anything. She wanted something else first. And she wanted them to come from a man she was married to.
I knew she was still haunted by that decision. That she still second guessed it, even though we all knew it was the right one. But we couldn’t tell her that. Nothing would change her feelings on it.
I knew that better than anyone.
“Of course, I fucking want it!” I yelled, feeling vaguely sick at the thought of taking Karson’s family away from him. “I love the man and his super sperm that apparently are resistant to birth control.”
“You were on birth control?” Stella asked, paling slightly.
I did not have the energy or presence of mind to figure out why that was. “Of course, I was on birth control,” I told her. “All the sex I was having? You’ve got to be on three different kinds with Jay, I bet.” It was kind of a joke, but you seriously never knew with these men.
“Wait,” Yasmin chimed in before Stella could reply. “You love him?”
Oh yeah, that. I hadn’t told the girls I loved Karson.
But they knew me, they should’ve guessed at least that. “Yes, I love him. Of course, I love him. Have you seen the man?”
Everyone had officially met him at the party I had but, I’d been mad at him, so it wasn’t a great first impression. Since then, I’d had each of them over to dinner at Karson’s—he cooked—and gave them a tour of his bookshelves.
He’d had on the persona similar to when he met my parents, easily charming them.
“He’s the only one who can go head-to-head with me without flinching,” I continued. “He fucks like a stallion, he never gets boring, and he’s got all of these delicious dark corners to explore.”
I scowled, thinking of everything I’d just said.