I laid there long after he left, not trusting myself to move, fearing I might just vaporize into oblivion.
KARSON
I had been waiting for one of them to confront me. Today made sense.
They had obviously noticed that Wren and I were no longer Wren and I. I didn’t doubt that she had informed them all that we were done. If that’s what she needed to cling to in order to get through this, I was okay with it. Fuck, it served me well. With all this shit happening with the Russians, I had to focus. Had to revert back to a primitive version of myself.
Wren did not need to see that on top of everything.
But all her friends saw was me abandoning her when she needed me most.
So I wasn’t surprised when one of them stormed into my office, obviously done staying silent on the matter.
I did not ask how they found me, in my office downtown, taking up a floor of a skyscraper, operating under a shell company that had no connection to Jay.
“My friend, my perpetually cheerful, irresponsible, adventure chasing friend is falling apart,” Yasmin said by greeting.
She took after the other females in their group, not fucking around with pleasantries when her friend was concerned. I had always thought her to be the most even-tempered of the group. The least likely to seek out conflict, do what she could to resolve things quietly and peacefully. Which was ironic since she was a lawyer, but that was the sense I got from her.
It had rung true until this moment. When she’d walked in here ready for battle. Politics and peace were abandoned, apparently, when I got a look at the fire in her eyes.
She was tall, without the six-inch heels she was wearing. In them she came eye level with me. She was also attractive in a sharp, severe way that interested many men. Full lips. High cheekbones. Large, piercing eyes.
But at that moment, her features were contorted with hatred.
“She is doing it quietly, my friend,” Yasmin continued before I could say anything. “Because despite the absolute turmoil she is going through, she doesn’t want to be a burden on anyone. Doesn’t want to fuck up anyone’s day. That isn’t her style, you see. She is someone who brings joy. Laughter. Happiness. That has been a cornerstone to her identity. And she is clinging to that identity so fucking tightly her fingers are bleeding.”
Each word out of her mouth was a weapon. Pointed. Sharpened to penetrate. To damage.
Each of them found their mark. My skin was thick. It had to be in my line of business. Nothing got through. Nothing unless it pertained to Wren.
Yasmin’s eyes were clear, no sign of tears, though I could hear the naked pain in her voice. She couldn’t hide it. She loved Wren too much.
“She does not want to burden us with her breakdown,” she sighed. “She doesn’t want to burden us with the pain she feels after she was shot in the street, five months pregnant and lost her baby.”
Yasmin’s tone, impenetrable, impossibly strong and presumably the voice she used when she was in courtrooms, facing against impossible odds and winning no matter what, that tone faltered now. Just slightly. But the sorrow in it made me want to flinch.
I didn’t, though. I was practiced at hiding my emotions, at shielding my reactions. Years of training in one of the most ruthless and dangerous organizations this country had to offer gave me that. Torture, death and pain… I could stare all of these in the face without a reaction.
But these past few months had been testing the limits of my training. Testing the limits of everything.
“And you’re here,” she threw her hands out at my office. “You’re in the villain headquarters, doing shit that I could use to lock you away for a fucking lifetime if I wanted to.”
Her eyes narrowed at me, and I found myself believing, with categorical certainty, that she would be able to do that. Even though the fact was that many like her had tried and failed to find any proof of mine or Jay’s wrongdoing. People in the upper echelons paid, blackmailed or threatened accusers to look the other way.
Although I knew all too well that no one was untouchable, we were as close as you could get to it.
Yasmin’s specialty wasn’t even criminal law. She was successful but not powerful, and she didn’t have the connections needed to bring us down. But she had fierce loyalty and love for Wren. A love that would serve as fuel. As all the power she needed.
“I’m not going to lock you away,” she shook her head. “Because my best friends are tangled up with you and your boss,” she spat the word. “And I cannot hurt either of you without hurting them. I would never do that. So although I hated to see them both with you, with bastards capable of the most terrible things, I slept at night because you loved them. I could see that. So it stood to reason that you would do every and any terrible thing in order to protect them.” Her voice was shaking now. “But you didn’t.”
They weren’t words I hadn’t said to myself a million times over the past few months. Words I’d sharpened regularly so the pain of them was never dull. So they kept me up at night. As they should’ve.
“You’re right. I didn’t protect her.” I paused, thinking of that tiny, perfect child I held in my arms only once. “I didn’t protect them. And I will pay for that failure every day for the rest of my life.”
Yasmin blinked once. In surprise. She hadn’t expected me to own up to my mistake so easily. To tell her she was right. Men weren’t exactly known for doing that.
She recovered quickly, finding her fury and tossing aside whatever pity she may have felt for me.