Anger crashed over me like a tsunami.
I didn’t even remember driving there or how I found him. He was behind a desk. I’d never seen him behind a desk. I hadn’t seen him in the daylight, going about his job, in a long time.
I hadn’t really looked at him with the sunlight on his face. He looked different. Fucking ravaged.
It hit me somewhere deep, but my anger was a blade, and it didn’t dull it at all.
His eyes widened in surprise and concern as I entered the room.
I didn’t let him speak.
“Whitney?” I yelled.
He blinked in surprise.
“Whitney?” I repeated, still yelling. “You gave her my last name. Why in the fuck would you do that?”
He opened his mouth, presumably to speak, to give an explanation, but I didn’t give him the chance. “She was yours too, Karson,” I hissed. “Yours. And you didn’t give her your name.”
Karson stood, rounding his desk, face soft. “Wren,” he murmured.
I flinched, holding my hand up. “Don’t you come near me,” I snarled. My hand was shaking. My entire body was rigid.
Karson stopped, his jaw fixed.
I regarded him. His shoulders looked broader, his suit looked like it was struggling to accommodate his growing muscles. The angles of his face seemed harsher, though. More cutting.
This was the man I loved.
Who read fucking romance novels, who made amazing mac and cheese, who deep down in his soul, wanted a family.
My mind flickered to the way Jay had cradled Ruby yesterday, the pure reverence in his gaze.
I would not be able to give that to him. No matter what happened, regardless of whether I worked on myself in therapy, if I let him back in, I would not be able to give him the gift he most deserved.
The realization hit me square in the chest.
I’d been holding on to him even though I was keeping him at a distance. Holding on to hope that we would find our way back to each other, regardless of what I’d told Stella.
But Hope was buried in the ground with lilies on her grave.
“We should see it as a blessing,” I said, my voice flat even as the words cut my insides. “This was never going to work.” I waved my hands between us, surprised that the air was so thin. I could barely breathe it seemed so thick. “You’re a criminal.” I swallowed, realizing that I was going to have to White Fang this whole fucking situation.
In other words, I had to be the kid throwing the rock at the animal he loved in order to save it.
I had to drive Karson away. Make him hate me. The thought of hurting him was a blade to my soul, but the thought of damning him to a barren life with me was worse. “Stella was kidnapped while she was pregnant,” I said. “She survived, the baby survived, but it could’ve all been so different. Your life is not the same as mine. And it’s better we realized it before it was too late.” I sucked in a breath full of broken glass. “It’s better we realized it before our baby girl had a chance to breathe air.”
I walked out of his office before I threw up all over the floor. And I drove straight to the airport. No clothes, nothing but my passport and my credit card. All I needed.
It was time to escape.
And I would not return for many months.
CHAPTER SEVEN
SIXTEEN MONTHS LATER
Sleep on the Floor – The Lumineers