A part of me felt like I didn’t deserve it, and I knew that was all because of the Assembly. They’d twisted up my mind and emotions to make me think these things. But even knowing this, it didn’t change how my mind now worked.
I’d always thought—fantasized—that when I was back with Odhran, he’d fill that hole that had grown in me. He’d make that pain finally disappear.
I slowly, gingerly, rose from the bed, hissing out as my side pulled and protested. I lifted Odhran’s shirt I wore, the material soft between my fingers. I brought the bottom to my nose and inhaled deeply, closing my eyes, feeling serenity and warmth wash through me.
For so long, I pictured my home being with Odhran, reveling in that feeling I had sitting with him in the clearing. But now that we were here, together, all I could think about was my time back at the facility, pacing that cell, feeling that pain. So much pain.
I opened my eyes and looked down at the wound, no longer covered in a bandage, the skin now nothing but a puckered red scar. I could hear Odhran moving around on the other side of the wall and found myself pushing up from the bed and slowly walking toward the window. I’d asked him to leave it open despite the change in weather and the drop in temperature.
I leaned a shoulder against the window frame and wrapped my arms around my middle, staring out at the ocean. The bedroom window had a direct view of the beach, and I watched those rolling waves crash against the rocky shore. A storm was coming, and coming fast, with dark, angry clouds rolling overhead and a bitter chill in the air.
I closed my eyes just as a breeze moved by. My skin and hair smelled like brine, and I inhaled deeply. Just as I opened my eyes, I sensed Odhran stepping into the room.
“Ye should be in bed, lass.” He walked over to the bed and set the tray down before coming over to me, both hands lifting as he cupped either side of my face. I had to tilt my head back in order to look into his face, my mate so tall and big that he was larger than life.
“I’m okay,” I whispered. “I was tired of lying down, and I’m feeling much better. Thanks to you.”
“I know. I just worry about ye.” He leaned in, rested his forehead against mine, and closed his eyes as he inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. “Having ye back has made me doubly protective. Even letting ye out of my sight brings me worry and has my wolf a fooking demon.”
I grinned, loving how he pronounced “fucking.” That Scottish brogue really did things to me.
I lifted my hands and placed them over his, feeling the small scars that littered his skin. He was a warrior, and the battles he fought were displayed across his skin like a map, a testament to his strength, but also proved he could be harmed, even if he was the strongest male I’d ever met.
He slipped his hands down my cheeks, over my neck, and curled his fingers gently against my shoulders. He leaned in and dragged the tip of his tongue down the path he’d just taken with one of his hands and buried his face in the crook of my neck. I heard him inhale deeply, this low rumble leaving him, one I knew was from pleasure and contentment.
For long moments, he just smelled me, lightly brushing his lips back and forth over my pulse point, sending goose bumps along my body. I closed my eyes and just enjoyed the feel of him, shivered at the scruff that lined his cheeks and jaw, that abrasion sparking tendrils of desire that I’d only felt one other time in my life.
With him.
A soft moan left me, and I let my head fall to the side even more, giving him better access. He groaned and started kissing that spot right where my neck and shoulder met, murmuring in Gaelic, his deep words making heat move through me before settling right between my legs.
“My girl. My Larkin,” he groaned again and gently ran his elongated canines over the tender skin of my shoulder.
But the need was pushed away as I instinctively tensed, as all the pleasure and happiness I felt right then was taken from me. I saw flashes of myself back in that cell, the remnants of pain from my time there trying to take control. My heart raced, and beads of sweat started to line my temples.
And of course Odhran sensed the change in me, because he took a step back right away. I tried to push the thoughts of being with the Assembly out of my mind. I was safe now. I was safe now. I’m safe now.
They couldn’t touch me. I was here with my mate, and he would protect me.
Odhran had one hand still covering my cheek, the other one curling gently around the side of my throat. His brows were pulled down low, his nostrils flared, and his jaw was clenched tightly.
“Larkin, lass…” His voice was thick and filled with pain. “Ye… Ye fear me?”
I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head, leaning forward and resting my forehead on the center of his chest. For long moments, I said nothing, just stayed in that position as he cupped the back of my head and held me.
My memories and fear tried to pull me under, to take me back to that dark, dirty, and ugly place. It tried to keep me in hell.
“It’s not you I’m afraid of,” I whispered and clutched at his shirt, feeling tears well in my eyes. For a frightening moment, I was sure I was broken, that although only a few days had passed since we escaped, no amount of time could ever heal the kind of damage that ran the entirety of my soul.
He didn’t respond and didn’t make me say anything else. He gently wrapped his arms around my body and continued to hold me. We stood like that for long moments until finally I pulled back and looked up at his face, showing all the vulnerability and all the fear I felt. Because I wouldn’t hide it. I wouldn’t pretend it wasn’t there, least of all from Odhran.
The smile he gave me was soft, gentle, and when he gestured for me to go over to the bed, I didn’t say anything and obeyed.
We both sat on the mattress, and he proceeded to feed me from his hand, the silence and his strong presence a welcome companion.
I hoped that fate wasn’t so cruel that it would give me Odhran only to keep this wall between us so we’d never find peace.
Surely we deserved to be happy after all this time.