It’s my first day of work. Luckily, it’s in my mother’s realty office, so I’m not too concerned. More embarrassed than anything. I’m sure everyone knows my parents gave me the job simply because I’m their daughter. They wanted me to come home and a job is the stability I needed after going into debt studying business at college. I knew I could get ahead if I took the handout. Yet here I am, first day, and running late.
Freaking great.
The call to my sister is met with her voicemail. Just as my mother’s phone was.
I’m quick to check my texts and Renee’s last message reads: Just call him.
“Him,” as in, Asher.
Renee’s a good friend, and honestly I’m surprised she’s even awake. She’s a bartender and the last of my contacts I texted … simply because I thought she’d be sound asleep.
I text back in a flurry: Isn’t there anyone else?
Her answer is immediate: It’s a small town. You know that.
The response strikes me like a blow to the heart and I know exactly why. It’s me, not her.
For the longest time after we broke up, that’s what I told myself. That we were only together because Beaufort’s a small town. Because options were limited. I lied to myself and I knew from the very moment that thought registered it was nothing but a lie. He was my first but so much more than that. He was the one who made me smile and laugh when things were hard, or even when they seemed impossible. Asher was my partner in it all. He was the one I wanted to hold hands with until the day I died. My best friend. He was my everything.
And then one day, I was nothing to him.
I almost text Renee that I’m more than aware it’s a small town and that’s why I almost didn’t come home. Almost. But the same reason I wanted to stay away is exactly why I’m back here in Beaufort. It’s small and filled with gossip, and everyone knows everyone else’s business. At the same time, all of my family is here, along with all my friends who I’ve known since before I can remember.
… and the first and only man I’ve ever loved. The one who broke my heart. My fingers play with the small charm at the end of my necklace. My nervous habit has always been to fidget with it and I’m quick to lower my hand. Inwardly I’m still fiddling with the pendant I always wear.
Tears prick at the back of my eyes and I’m quick to shut that down. I knew it would be hard coming home. I knew it would hurt even. I just don’t want to deal with it. Definitely not alone.
I hesitate to ask, but I can’t help myself so I text Renee: Could you come pick me up?
If I’m going to have to call him for help, I at least want Renee here. She’s the strongest of us all. No nonsense and she also knows everything. There were rumors when we split. Plenty of people said lots of things … but Renee knows everything. She knows every sordid detail and she still loves me.
I send another text, hoping she can tell how desperate I am: Please?
Asher
“You’re fucking with me, right?” I joke on the end of the phone, casual and lighthearted. Huffing a laugh like it’s comical. It’s not, though. All this phone call has done is shred me up.
“Nah man, she called us. I told her we were two hours away and she said that was fine.” Nathan drones on the other end about how his team can’t waste the gas and tells me he’s referring her to me.
Everything in my chest is tight as I tell him not to worry. That I’ve got this.
But damn does it hurt. She’s been back in town for weeks now. My gloves come off one at a time after hanging up the phone. They fall to the counter with a thud and I turn around, leaning my back against it and steadying my thoughts. The scents of oil and rust fill my lungs with each deep breath. Everywhere I look in this place, I see her.
Hell, our first kiss was right there to my side, against the now faded red tool cabinet.
She may have left but her memory never did. With the ghosts of our past lingering in the garage, I grab my keys as fast as I can and get the hell out of here.
I’ll get this over with. That’s all I keep thinking, but that doesn’t explain why it feels like the beginning and not the end.
I’m halfway there when I realize the radio is off. The rumble of the engine and the faint echoes of my memories were all I had for a good fifteen minutes. The moment I flick the volume up, though, dead set on shutting down the jumbled thoughts, my phone rings.
I don’t know why I thought it would be her. I’m out of my mind to think it, but I do. With a long exhale I answer the phone. “Hey man, what are you up to?”
Robert answers, more upbeat than usual which is my first sign that things are off, “What are you doing tonight?”
“Nothing that I know of except working.” Aptly, work work work, all day long, plays dimly on the radio as I keep driving.
“Something’s going on at the Iron Brewery downtown … Bri’s going to be there.” Robert’s last statement is spoken carefully. Like he’s not sure what that information would do to me. Encourage me to go, or keep me far away. I decide to put him out of his misery.