“Says the guy who plays in the NFL.”
“Yeah, I play,” Cam agreed. “Doesn’t mean I always expect to win.”
Logan frowned. “That’s a can of shit. You always want to win.”
“I didn’t say I don’t want to win. I said I don’t always expect to win. There’s a difference.” Cam’s voice was low, shrouded by the night. “When I lose, I pick myself up and play again. When you lose, you take yourself out of the game.”
“What do you mean?” Logan asked him.
“Look at your knee injury. How many times have you played football since you came out of the hospital?”
Logan shook his head. “Never. You know that. They said I could never play again.”
“They said you could never play professionally. Nothing about not playing for fun, or playing in a local league. But you decided that if you couldn’t be
the best, you wouldn’t play at all. Same with relationships. Remember the counseling you had? Trying to work through why you always messed things up?”
“Yeah, I remember.” Though right now he was regretting telling his brother about it.
“You never put any effort in when it came to those. Because you couldn’t control the outcome. It’s as if you can’t feel like a failure if you don’t play. And that’s why this hurts. Because for once in your life you actually took a leap in the dark. Threw yourself into something you had no control over. And now you feel like you’ve failed.”
“You’re making me sound like a coward.” Logan leaned his head back against the cold brick.
“You’re not a coward. Look at everything you’ve achieved. You’re just,” Cam scrunched his nose up, “I don’t know. You like to control things. The outcomes. And that’s been massively successful in your professional life. I don’t know anybody who could achieve what you have. But in your private life?” Cam shrugged. “It leads you here. Trying to control other people because you’re scared shitless that they might let you down.”
Logan opened his mouth to protest again, but the words got stuck in his throat. There was an honesty to Cam’s words that hurt. He was right about Logan never wanting to play football again. He hadn’t seen the point if he couldn’t be the best. And the best was what he’d become in the restaurant world. He’d made damn sure of that.
But with Courtney? He had no control. And it scared him.
“You gotta learn to let go of the outcome,” Cam said softly. “Which I know sounds crazy coming from someone like me. But if you keep trying to control people they’re gonna let you down, because nobody wants to be your puppet.”
“Is that what you think I was doing? Trying to control Courtney?” Logan asked, his chest tighter than ever. Had asking her to choose been controlling?
“Yeah, I do. I don’t think you needed to ask her to come here tonight. You told us earlier that she had a hell of a day. She needs to relax, take care of herself and the baby, not travel here to see you being the big man on campus.”
Logan swallowed hard, thinking about the baby. Damn, he hoped Courtney was resting right now. “I feel like I’m competing with a dead man,” he whispered, to himself as much as his twin.
“Dead people can’t compete. They’re dead.” Cam shook his head. “You can’t make everything in life a competition. You gotta trust in your gut. Trust in the people you love to treat you right. Don’t keep pushing them, because you’ll always be disappointed. Courtney and the baby are the best things that have ever happened to you. Everybody says so. Gray, Maddie, Tanner, and especially Becca.” He chuckled. “You’ve smiled more in the past few months than you have in years. And when the two of you are together, you just work. She calms you. Makes you a better man. And I’m telling you now, that if I ever find someone who makes me smile like that I’m gonna cling onto them and never let go.” He nudged Logan’s shoulder with his own. “Hell, maybe I should talk to Courtney. See if she likes NFL players.”
“Fuck you. Leave her alone,” Logan growled.
This time, Cam laughed loudly. “You need to pull your head out of your ass before you lose her. She’s everything and she loves you.”
Logan blinked. “You think she still loves me after this?”
“Why don’t you ask her that?”
“Because she wants space, remember?”
Cam slowly nodded his head. “Yeah, I remember. And it’s right that you give her some time if she’s asked for it. But eventually one of you will have to make the first move.” The corner of his lips quirked up. “And as controlling as it sounds, I think it should be you.”
“You think she’ll want me to?” Logan felt hope surge through his body.
“I don’t know,” Cam admitted. “And neither do you. And I understand that scares the shit out of you. But what I do know is that the two of you are having a baby, one that deserves to have two parents who are at least civil to each other. Hopefully more.” He nudged his brother once again. “And if you aren’t, then this uncle’s gonna bash your head in.”
“I’d like to see you try.”
The kitchen door opened, light spilling onto the dark concrete. Tanner and Gray walked out. “Everything okay?” Gray asked, as the two of them made their way outside.