“He was so angry. Threatened to call the cops, told me I’d be thrown into jail and you’d be put in foster care. Unless I agreed to leave my job and to keep quiet about me and him.”
“So you agreed?”
Kim nodded. “I was never going to tell anyway. Wouldn’t give him or Nora the satisfaction.”
“You should have told me this years ago,” Van told her, breathing down the anger rising up inside her. “I had a right to know.”
“That your daddy didn’t want you? When was a good time to tell you, Van? When you were six and were going to blab it everywhere? Or when you were a teenager and so desperate for a family you practically adopted the Hartsons? When is a good time to tell a kid their father lives down the road but doesn’t want to know them? Believe it or not, I was trying to protect you.”
“You were protecting yourself.”
“It was the same thing.”
“No,” Van said, frowning. “No, it isn’t.”
“You think I don’t know how you feel about gossip? Honey, I know. I’ve always known. I’ve seen you wince when somebody looks your way and says something. You pretend you’re this strong person, and maybe sometimes you are, but when you get hurt, it kills you.”
Van inhaled a ragged breath. Her mom’s words were too close for comfort. “I still deserved to know.”
“Yes, you did.” Kim folded her arms across her chest. “And now you know.”
“I would have preferred you’d told me privately,” Van said pointedly. “And what about Zoe? Is her father really someone who was passing through town like you always said?” Van had to be sure. There was no way she’d let Zoe go through this pain. Not if she could help it.
Kim looked sheepish. “Yes, Zoe’s father isn’t anyone in town. And I am so sorry about last night. I should have told you in private. I’m going to stop drinking.”
“Sure.” Van rolled her eyes.
“I’ve got an appointment scheduled with my doc. He thinks he can get me referred to a rehab facility right away. He has contacts at a charity.”
Van looked up, surprised. “What?”
Kim nodded. “Only for a couple of weeks. But it’s a start, right?”
“I guess.” Van sighed. “There’s something else you need to know.”
“What?” Kim’s brows knit together as she looked at her.
“When you were pregnant with Zoe, and I gave you that money instead of using it to go to college, it felt like I was dying. Giving everything up because of your bad decisions.”
Kim blinked, surprised. “You told me you wanted me to have it. That’s what you said.”
“I lied. I hated you for it,” Van whispered. “And I hated me for being so weak to give it to you. It ruined everything.”
“No…” Kim shook her head, her brows dipping. “Don’t say that.”
Van felt her eyes sting with tears. “I was supposed to go to Duke with Tanner, remember? We’d started dating. I was in love with him. We had it all planned out. Three years at college, then we’d head to New York and live there for a while.” She pressed her lips together, remembering the day her mom told her she was pregnant. And all those dreams Van had disappeared in smoke. She couldn’t leave. Not when her mom didn’t have a job or any way to take care of a baby. So Van gave Kim the money she’d saved for college.
And for two years she’d stayed. Unt
il Craig had come on the scene, and calmed her mom down, taken care of her the way she’d always dreamed of. Only then had Van felt able to leave.
“Is that why you broke up with him?” Kim asked.
A stupid tear rolled down Van’s cheek. “The first time, yeah. I broke up with him because I knew he wouldn’t leave me behind if I told him you were pregnant. He’d have stayed too and I couldn’t do that to him. So I told him I didn’t want him anymore. That he should go to Duke without me.”
“The first time?” Her mom frowned.
Van nodded. “I changed my mind. A couple of weeks after he’d left for Duke. I was going crazy, missed him like I’d never missed anything before. And I realized what a stupid mistake I’d made. So I took your car and drove up to see him. To tell him the truth about why I didn’t go.”