“Never!”
“I am so glad you find this funny.”
“Sorry.”
“There was this one girl.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Yesterday. When I was in your body. Don’t you remember? I think you might have gotten her pregnant.”
“That’s not funny!” she says. But she’s laughing.
“I only have eyes for you,” I say.
Just six words, and the conversation turns serious again. I can feel it like a shift in the air, like when a cloud moves over the sun. The laughter stops, and we sit there in the moment after it’s faded away.
“A—” she starts. But I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear about Justin or impossibilities or any of the other reasons why we can’t be together.
“Not now,” I say. “Let’s stay on the nice note.”
“Okay,” she says. “I can do that.”
She asks me about more of the things I noticed when I was in her body, and I tell her about the birthmark, about different people I noticed in her classes, about her parents’ concern. I share the Rebecca memory, but don’t tell her my observations about Justin, because she already knows those things, whether or not she admits them to me or herself. And I don’t mention the slight wrinkles around her eyes or her pimples, because I know they would bother her, even when they add something real to her beauty.
Both of us have to be home for dinner, but the only way I’m willing to let her leave is to extract a promise that we’ll share time together soon. Tomorrow. Or if not tomorrow, the next day.
“How can I say no?” she says. “I’m dying to see who you’ll be next.”
I know it’s a joke, but I have to tell her, “I’ll always be A.”
She stands up and kisses me on the forehead.
“I know,” she says. “That’s why I want to see you.”
We leave on a nice note.
Day 6017
I have gone two days without thinking about Nathan, but it’s clear that Nathan hasn’t gone two days without thinking about me.
7:30 p.m., MONDAY
I still want proof.
8:14 p.m., MONDAY
Why aren’t you talking to me?
11:43 p.m., MONDAY
You did this to me. I deserve an explanation.
6:13 a.m., TUESDAY
I can’t sleep anymore. I wonder if you’re going to come back. I wonder what you’ll do to me. Are you mad?
2:30 p.m., TUESDAY