“I can’t believe you just did that. Look me in the eyes and say it again. That you promise.”
I look her in the eyes. “I promise.”
It’s enough, but not really. “I believe you,” she says. “But you’re still a jerk until you prove otherwise.”
We wait until the librarian is distracted, then sneak out the door. I’m worried there’s some law about reporting homeschooled kids when they go AWOL. I know George’s mother is coming back in two hours, so we don’t have much time.
We head to a Chinese restaurant in town. If they think we should be in school, they keep it to themselves. Rhiannon tells me about her uneventful morning—Steve and Stephanie got into another fight, but then made up by second period—and I tell her about being in Vanessa’s body.
“I know so many girls like that,” Rhiannon says when I’m done. “The dangerous ones are the ones who are actually good at it.”
“I suspect she’s very good at it.”
“Well, I’m glad I didn’t have to meet her.”
But you didn’t get to see me, I think. I keep it to myself.
We press our knees together under the table. My hands find hers and we hold them there. We talk as if none of this is happening, as if we can’t feel life pulse through all the spots where we’re touching.
“I’m sorry fo
r calling you a jerk,” she says. “I just—this is hard enough as it is. And I was so sure I was right.”
“I was a jerk. I’m taking for granted how normal this all feels.”
“Justin sometimes does that. Pretends I didn’t tell him something I just told him. Or makes up this whole story, then laughs when I fall for it. I hate that.”
“I’m sorry—”
“No, it’s okay. I mean, it’s not like he was the first one. I guess there’s something about me that people love to fool. And I’d probably do it—fool people—if it ever occurred to me.”
I take all of the chopsticks out of their holder and put them on the table.
“What are you doing?” Rhiannon asks.
I use the chopsticks to outline the biggest heart possible. Then I use the Sweet’N Low packets to fill it in. I borrow some from two other tables when I run out.
When I’m done, I point to the heart on the table.
“This,” I say, “is only about one ninety-millionth of how I feel about you.”
She laughs.
“I’ll try not to take it personally,” she says.
“Take what personally?” I say. “You should take it very personally.”
“The fact that you used artificial sweetener?”
I take a Sweet’N Low packet and fling it at her.
“Not everything is a symbol!” I shout.
She picks up a chopstick and brandishes it as a sword. I pick up another chopstick in order to duel.
We are doing this when the food arrives. I’m distracted and she gets a good shot in at my chest.
“I die!” I proclaim.