“So there we were,” said the captain, “one lone British ship surrounded by four French war crafts, no help in sight. The captain dead on the deck, the crew terrified. ‘Surrender!’ came the shout in that grating French accent. ‘Never!’ said I. I will admit to you, Miss Erstwhile, I was very much tempted, but I had to hearten my men. ‘Never!’ said I.”
“But why wouldn’t you?” asked Jane, trying her hand at being the eager woman hearing of the wide world from an adventuresome man. “There could be no dishonor in that, with the captain dead and your men so outnumbered.”
Captain East paused, looked at his hands, the remembrance of fake battles struggling beautifully across his actor’s brow. “I had watched my courageous captain in a similar circumstance. He had said, ‘When my British heart tells me what I must do, I do not fear to follow it through.’”
“Excuse me.” Miss Heartwright stood, a book tumbling from her lap. “I must go see how Mama is doing.” And she left in a hurry.
Captain East stood as well, as the Rules were pretty clear that he and Jane should not be together unchaperoned.
“I’ll call Matilda to show you to your room, Captain.”
“Thank you.” He smiled, taking in her face. “It is, Miss Erstwhile, a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”
When Matilda led him away, Jane announced to the empty room, “If you’re listening, Big Brother, I refuse to be Fanny Price.”
Guy between boyfriends #6 and #7
Paul Diaz, TWENTY-SOMETHING
He was in her watercolor class, so cute and the sweet kind of shy. They obviously clicked, the attraction thrilling between them, inspiring her to relish the infatuation freshman-style and write his name in her notebook in curvy, flowery script. She gave him openings but guessed he was too timid to ask her out. The day after finals, she ran into him at the deli on campus and thought she had nothing to lose.
“My work is having this fancy dinner party next weekend, the food’s supposed to be great. Would you like to go with me?”
“Oh, uh, maybe, I’ll have to check,” he said. Then, “What was your name again?”
There’s always something to lose.
; day 8, continued
THAT NIGHT, THE PRECEDENCE WALK from drawing room to dining was in upheaval.
“Let me see,” Aunt Saffronia said, catching herself before she chewed on a fingernail. “Mr. Nobley, would you be so kind as to take my arm? Colonel Andrews, would you escort Miss Charming? And Captain East (so happy to hear of your promotion, my dear! And much deserved, I am certain), if you will accompany Miss Heartwright, I believe you two know each other. Jane dear, you are certain you do not mind coming along alone? I can dine in my boudoir, if you prefer? No? Sir John extends his apologies for not returning to the Park, but he plans to stay in town to be near the apothecary until at least two weeks hence, poor man, so I am afraid you may not see him again before departing. Well, now that is settled, shall we dine?”
All through the soup, game bird, fish, fruit, and walnut courses, and later in the drawing room, Jane flirted madly (in a guarded, Regency sort of way) with Colonel Andrews, who was invigorated by the attention. It quickly became clear that Miss Heartwright was uninterested in her former acquaintance, so Jane added Captain East to her list of men-to-bat-eyelashes-at. Mr. Nobley was off-limits now, she supposed. He certainly seemed to be Miss Heartwright’s darling. But after Miss Charming’s visit to Mrs. Wattlesbrook’s customer-complaint desk, she was sure to get priority over the man of her choice. Perhaps the two ladies would fight over him. Pembrook Park was pining for a hearty ladies’ mud wrestle.
Jane, the captain, and the colonel begged out of cards, sat by the window, and made fun of Mr. Nobley. She glanced once at the garden, imagined Martin seeing her now, and felt popular and pretty—Emma Woodhouse from curls to slippers. It certainly helped that all the men were so magnificent. Unreal, actually. Austenland was feeling cozier.
“Do you think he hears us?” Jane asked. “See how he doesn’t lift his eyes from that book? In all, his manners and expression are a bit too determined, don’t you think?”
“Right you are, Miss Erstwhile,” Colonel Andrews said.
“His eyebrow is twitching,” Captain East said gravely.
“Why, so it is, Captain!” the colonel said. “Well observed.”
“Then again, the eyebrow twitch could be caused by some buried guilt,” Jane said.
“I believe you’re right again, Miss Erstwhile. Perhaps he does not hear us at all.”
“Of course I hear you, Colonel Andrews,” said Mr. Nobley, his eyes still on the page. “I would have to be deaf not to, the way you carry on.”
“I say, do not be gruff with us, Nobley, we are only having a bit of fun, and you are being rather tedious. I cannot abide it when my friends insist on being scholarly. The only member of our company who can coax you away from those books is our Miss Heartwright, but she seems altogether too pensive tonight as well, and so our cause is lost.”
Mr. Nobley did look up now, just in time to catch Miss Heartwright’s face turn away shyly.
“You might show a little more delicacy around the ladies, Colonel Andrews,” he said.