Eternal

ALEC

The weekend without her is torture.

It drags on until I’m snapping at all the other guys, and I’m pretty sure they’re scheming to tie me to the top of the ambulance by the time my shift is over.

Finally, Walker snaps. “Dude, if you don’t sit down and stop pacing, I’m going to deck you.”

I start cleaning the kitchen for the second time. “Please. If it was Avery, you’d be doing the same thing.”

He swings an arm over the back of the recliner he’s sprawled in. “I’m not saying I wouldn’t being going insane at leaving my woman alone. Hell, I moved back to Battleboro for Avery because I couldn’t stand a few days without her. So, I understand. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t balls-out annoying.”

“Just wish I didn’t have to leave her so soon. You’ve seen how she is.” Even the thought of her being by herself has me wanting to crawl out of my skin.

“How’s she handling everything?” Walker asks with a tinge of amusement at my obvious discomfort.

I get a rag and start wiping down the already clean counters. “I don’t know, man. I used to be able to read her, now it’s like she’s written with different code. I don’t know a damn thing about her now.”

Remy pushes back from the table and goes to the water machine to refill his cup. “Why don’t you just call her?”

This coming from him is somewhat out of character. As far as I know, Remy doesn’t date. In fact, there’s been speculation around the station that he’s either celibate or asexual. Not that I’m judging. Clearly, relationships are hard work. Even so, I wouldn’t trade my relationship—with all it’s complications—with Tana for the world.

Finished scrubbing the counters, I put the clean dishes away. “I would, but I’m trying to give her some space. I can’t do that if I’m bugging her every half hour.”

Remy sips contemplated leave from his class. “I would just call her.”

Maybe I should. But I get off shift in a few hours. If something was wrong, she would call me. Right?

The final few hours of my shift drag on. I prefer to stay busy as it keeps my mind off of things. In that respect, going back to work is a relief. Running calls and the monotony of paperwork help distract me from whatever Tana might be doing at home. Or how the girls are feeling. Or what the future is going to look like. Of course this would be the one day we don’t get any calls at all. Seriously. I would kill for a fucking heart attack or overdose. Normally I use the free time to catch up on coursework or finish reports, but all I can do is think about Tana.

My brain keeps wrestling with itself, trying to figure out a way to make everything work for everyone. But in this instance, there just aren’t any easy answers. Only hard ones and more questions.

Finally, I get off work and head straight home. Mom is supposed to bring the girls over in time for dinner, which works as it’ll give me some time to see how Tana is feeling.

As I turn into the driveway my eyes cross over to the empty parking spaces at the house next door. I scowl, but I don’t have time to worry about their general chaos. I double-time my steps as I move to the door. When I push it open, expecting to see Tana right away, I’m surprised to find the living room empty, the TV still blaring some true crime show, and the sound of loud music coming from the backyard. My brows pull together. My wife has never been the true crime sort. She always found that sort of thing too depressing. The Kardashians or Real Housewives was more her speed. And since when does she listen to country?

I call out her name, but she probably can’t hear me over the music. My heart is galloping at the prospect of seeing her like it hasn’t done in years. Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife, but I haven’t felt so excited at the thought of seeing her since we first started dating. There’s an ease when you’ve been with a person for over a decade like we have. I’m not complaining about it, the only drama I like in my life is when I deal with emergencies at work and after a Tana’s accident even that has lost a bit of his allure. But I have to admit I am enjoying feeling like we get to do a little of the dating dance again.

It’s both a rediscovery of her…and of how we work together. If we still will. I’m looking forward to the challenge of proving I’m the only one for her…now and forever.

If this were Tana before her accident, she’d be in the attic retrieving all of her supplies to get started on her latest project or business idea. If she wasn’t doing that, she’d be coming back from a shopping trip, loaded down with dozens of bags.

But no.

I find her at the source of the music in the backyard, up to her elbows in the dirt, with the most adorable streak of grime on her cheeks. Did she forget to turn off the TV? The doctor said things like that would happen occasionally. I worry about if she’s forgetting other things until I realize she’s wearing tight as hell cut-off jean shorts, her thighs lush and thick spread a little to compensate for her off-center gravity. And I am suddenly viciously reminded of them wrapped around my head. My mouth goes dry.

I ache with wanting her.

I always have, and I always will.

“What you doing there?” My voice comes out a little gruff.

She doesn’t react. In fact, she digs another hole with a spade and flops a purple pansy down in the fresh hole. “Tana?”

She still doesn’t seem to hear me over the sounds of the music and her singing along. And then her hips begin to do a little wiggle. Goddamn.

She asked me once before if I were an ass or tits man. I told her I was her man. But watching her shimmy and wiggle, I’m identifying as an ass man. Ass, all the way. The way I would worship her if I could, she wouldn’t be able to walk for a week. I’d show her exactly how much I missed her. Exactly how grateful I am that she’s with me in any capacity, with any complications. I’d have it all. I want it all. I want her any way I can take her because there is no one else for me.

My cock grows painfully hard in my uniform pants. Blood pulses thick and hot, playing a wild tattoo in my veins. I have to get a hold of myself, but I can’t seem to tear my eyes away from her ass. My knees buckle, and I fall into a garden chair as I watch her plant flowers along the flowerbeds around our patio.

I can’t seem to take my eyes off her. For the first time since the accident, she seems unburdened. And here I thought I’d come home and find her wallowing or frightened and hiding. Though I shouldn’t be surprised she’s doing the opposite. She’s always been a fighter. In fact, of the two of us, I’d say she’s the stronger one a thousand times over. I guess there are some things that haven’t changed.

I freeze when she shifts back on her heels and gets to her feet. Her knees are covered with dirt, and her gloved hands are caked in mud. Her face is sweaty and flushed, and her hair is coming free of the ponytail at her nape, but she has never looked more beautiful. Her face is still a halo of bruises underneath the pink flush from the sun, but she looks healthier than she has in a while. Vital. At least that’s a relief.

Before she woke up in the hospital, I thought I was going to lose her. I imagined a thousand scenarios where her condition could suddenly destabilize and she’d slip away from me. Seeing her alive and well and so goddamn beautiful it makes my chest hurt, is a relief I can’t quantify. The amnesia almost doesn’t even matter anymore. She’s here. She’s mine. I just have to help her see it.

Tana jerks a little when she notices me sitting there. Turning down the music, she says, “Oh my God! You scared me. How long have you been sitting there?”

“Not long. Just got home.” I nod to the flowers. “What are you doing here?”

She rubs a hand along her forehead, smearing more dirt and making me smile. “Well, I got bored hanging around the house. And I noticed the backyard looked a little sad, so I cut the grass and started weeding. Then it looked so bare I thought it needed flowers. Your mom gave me a ride. I hope you don’t mind. You said I could use your card, and I figured the girls would like it. I can pay you back if—”

I cut her off with a wave of my hand. “Don’t be silly. I think it looks great. And you’re right, neither one of us had much of a green thumb in the past. So our yard suffered, and houseplants cowered in our presence.”

She shifts from foot to foot and chews on her lip. And now all I can think of is sucking it into my mouth and biting down. “I guess I just like being outside, you know? Being cooped up in the hospital room was driving me crazy.”

I shift in the seat trying to form coherent thoughts. “Oh, I understand. I’m glad you found something to keep busy with. How was your weekend otherwise?”

She nods and clears her throat, taking off her gardening gloves. “It was good. I rested a lot and watched a lot of TV. But otherwise, I didn’t do too much. What about you? How was work?”

She takes a seat in the open lounge chair next to me, and I can’t take my eyes off her bare legs. She’s reclining, so she doesn’t notice, thank God. “It was boring as hell. We only had two calls the whole shift.”

She cracks open one eye and I tear my gaze away from her legs before she catches me ogling. “And that’s a bad thing?”

“Just makes for a very long, boring shift, that’s all.”

“What’s a normal shift for you look like?” she asks.

Grateful for the distraction, I detail the long hours, monotonous paperwork and occasional trauma I encounter on a typical shift. She listens with interest, her eyes on me and it jars me to realize I have her full attention. Before, her thoughts would have wandered off, or her phone would have gone off with some crisis or another. I feel a little guilty to realize this version of my wife is different—and I like it.

Thankfully when I push to my feet a short while later, my erection is gone. “I’m gonna get a shower and make dinner for when the girls come home. Give me a shout if you need anything.”

She nods and gets to her feet to clean up the empty pots. “I’ll take one after you.”

Oh shit. Now my imagination really goes wild. I nod awkwardly and leave before I do something stupid like tackle her to the ground and rip those little shorts off her legs to bury my face between her thighs.

* * *

“We should get a pool!” Gemma exclaims after she takes a long drink of milk.

I lift a brow at her. “A pool, huh?”

“Yeah,” she explains. “Elizabeth and Maria from school both have one. It’s going to be summer soon. We should get a pool.”

“You don’t even know how to swim,” Paisley says with a tone of wry superiority that only an older sibling.

It doesn’t seem to faze Gemma, who is used to her sister’s attitude. “Then it will be the best time to learn. Mom can teach me.”

“She could if you weren’t scared to swim,” Paisley says and rolls her eyes.

“So? Maybe if we get a pool, I won’t be scare.” Gemma juts out her lower lip.

“Yeah, right,” Paisley retorts.

“All right, girls,” I interject before it can turn into a screaming match. “I don’t know about buying a pool, but I’ll make sure we go swimming a lot this summer.”

A glance at Tana, who has been quiet. I don’t glean much from her expression other than curiosity. Like an observer at the zoo who’s never encountered exotic creatures before. Will I ever get used to this? Will it ever get easier? I don’t know.

I wanna dig my fingers in my face and shotgun about twenty beers. I keep waffling between protecting the girls and risking everything on this woman. Frankly, I’m getting sick of my own fucking thoughts.

I shove up from the table and get the girls’ empty dishes. “Bath time. Paisley, you’re first this time. No arguing.”

She flips her hair at her sister and prances off. Gemma is naturally unfazed and studies me with a calculating eye. “Can I have more ice cream?” This girl. She will never fail to make me smile no matter what is going on.

I ruffle her hair. “Good try, squirt, but you’ve had enough for today. Go watch cartoons until your sister’s done in the shower, and then it’s your turn.”

She shrugs her shoulders as though to say at least I tried and then goes to the living room, where I hear the tinny sound of My Little Pony starting up. Wordlessly Tana helps me clear the rest of the dishes from the table and pack away the leftovers into Tupperware.

All I can think of as we move around the kitchen cleaning up dishes and packing away food is her legs in those damn shorts. I’m hyper aware of her movements around me, sensitized to the max at being near her.

“You’re so good with them,” Tana says softly as she carefully stacks glasses in the dishwasher.

“They’re going to make my hair turn gray before I’m forty-five.”

Tana giggles, making me smile. “I guess you are kind of outnumbered here, aren’t you?”

“I’ve gotten used to being a girl dad. I think I wear it kind of well. Besides, I love being surrounded by my girls.”

There’s a contemplative pause, and then she says, “Did you want to have more children?”

My head snaps in her direction. When I can find my breath again, I say, “What?” is the only thing that my tongue can spit out.

“I’m just curious. You never wanted to try for a boy?”

“It never mattered to me what we had. Girl or boy. You had rough pregnancies, and Gemma’s birth was really hard on you. What I cared more about was that you were safe and healthy. So no, I don’t think I want to have more children.”

“It’s strange to know that they came from me and yet not know them,” she admits, the vulnerability stark on her face.

I take my time washing the next plate. I don’t wanna say the wrong thing, not when she’s opening up to me like this. The old Tana was so self-sufficient and self-assured that I didn’t often have to be a shoulder for her like this. This new side of her is… Honestly, more attractive than I thought it would be. I always admired her strength and leaned on it more than once. But seeing her like this is new and makes my overprotective drive crank up to new levels.

“I don’t know what to say other than I understand how hard this must be for you. You aren’t alone in all of this. We have to lean on each other. You can lean on me, Tana. It doesn’t matter how heavy the burden is. I’ll carry it for you.”

She tilts her head to the side and studies me. “Is that how it was for you—I mean us…before?”

“You mean trusting each other to share the hard stuff?” I ask.

Tana nods emphatically. “Yeah, how do you trust someone else to take care of you? To not drop the ball when it’s important?”

I’m not the best with words. I do better with actions, but I don’t want to mess this up or have her closing up on me, so I try my best for the right thing to say. “I guess, it takes time and the willingness to be hurt. A leap of faith. I don’t expect that from you right away. I guess all I’m asking for right now is just that…time.”

“Well, we’ve got plenty of that considering I have no life to speak of at the moment.” She changes the subject. “How are you handling everything?”

I gave her a half-smile. “It’s funny. The guys asked me that about you this morning. I’m doing as well as I can be.”

“Do you mind if I keep asking you questions? I’m just curious about you and the girls and everything. I do want to get to know you. And them. I want to know the person I used to be. Maybe it’ll help me figure out who I’m supposed to be now.”

“Of course you can ask questions. I’m an open book. Ask me whatever you want.”

“You may regret that in the future.” She softens the tease with a genuine smile.