Eternal

TANA

It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t.

Ever since I woke up in that damn hospital bed, all I’ve wanted is for them to realize I’m not the woman they used to know. Right? So then why does it hurt so badly to remember the way Alec looked at me? Like I was a stranger in his family.

I groan into my pillow and toss and turn, trying to get comfortable, but to no avail. Every time I close my eyes, I see Alec’s face before he told me to go back to bed. Defeat. He looked defeated. Like he couldn’t fathom fighting another second despite the promises he’d made. Who can blame him? So far, the doctors have been right. I’m not going to remember anything from my former life. I’ve known that all along, and I thought I’d be relieved for Alec to finally get it, but I’m not.

It was only a matter of time before it happened, really. I just didn’t expect it to hurt so much when it did.

Silly.

Groaning at the memory of last night plaguing me once again, I throw off the covers and pace at the foot of my bed. I’m not going to be able to sleep, so I go to the kitchen for something to distract me. Maybe they have some more of that cheesecake hidden in the fridge.

I find Alec sipping from a glass of amber liquid. Based on his posture, I can tell it’s not the first drink he’s had. I glance at the bottle on the counter. It’s nearly a third empty. How long has he been here, alone? I look back at him and study him more closely. His shoulders are slumped, and his eyes are deeply shadowed. When he glances up at me, I freeze. Maybe part of me is afraid he’ll look at me like that again.

Like I don’t belong.

He sighs heavily and sips from his glass. When he puts it down, his lips are glistening with the liquid. “Listen, I’m not in the mood to have a discussion right now.” A little stung at the memory of that look, I start to turn, and then his voice hits my back. “But if you wanna have a drink with me, we can do that. No strings. It’s always more fun to drink with someone else.”

Rubbing my eyes, I cross to the wine rack in the island and take a bottle out at random. Maybe a fucking drink is exactly what I need. I don’t know him; I don’t know these kids. I barely know what the fuck I’m doing. I stop, bottle in hand, and glance around the empty kitchen. “Where the hell are the wine glasses?”

I’m so damn tired of not knowing anything. Of feeling like the odd man out. I’m so tired of agonizing about every little detail of my life. The thought of drinking all those worries away sounds sublime. Maybe he has the right idea.

Alec throws back the rest of his drink and gestures with the empty glass. Pushing to his feet, he moves wordlessly to the counter where he mixes another drink. The tang of bourbon and orange bitters fills the air. When he’s done, he retrieves a corkscrew and holds out his hand for the bottle of wine. I give it to him, and he cuts the plastic off the top, uses the corkscrew to remove the cork, and pours a sample for me. The dark red liquid glimmers in the light from above.

I take the proffered glass. Look at it. Then hand the untasted wine back to him. “Don’t be stingy, Alec. Fill ’er up.” Might as well do the damn thing.

Am I imagining it, or does his sour expression melt into a grin for a half-second?

“Take it easy on that now. It’s my favorite. But you should probably be careful with it’s stronger than it seems.”

I take a sip, unable to look away from him. The full-bodied flavor bursts on my tongue. I imagine him drinking it, and the thought of the wine on his tongue sends a shiver through me. Needing to get rid of the sudden burst of heat, I chug half the glass. At his lifted brow, I give a little shrug. “You aren’t the only one who had a long night.”

“Fair enough.” He goes to sit back on his stool and drinks deeply. “I’m not gonna bite. Come sit down.”

Swallowing hard, I take the stool next to him. “You okay?”

He cradles his glass on the counter in both hands. “Thought we weren’t going to turn this into a discussion. We’ve done enough of that here recently, and it hasn’t changed a damn thing. All I wanna do is forget. Can you give me that for one night?”

A rush of sympathy flows through me at the anguish in his eyes. I soften toward him a little and lift my glass. “Sure. I’m great at forgetting. What would you like to talk about instead?”

He thinks on it for a minute and then says, “Why don’t we play a game?”

“You mean like a board game?”

Laughing a little, he says, “No, like a drinking game. It’s called Never Have I Ever.”

“How do you play?” I already regret this, and we haven’t even started.

“Typically, whoever’s turn it is will say something they’ve never done, and if you’ve done it, you take a drink.”

I roll my eyes. “Well, that’s impossible for me.”

He nudges my shoulder. “I know. That’s why you’ll ask the questions, and I’ll tell you if you drink or not.”

I straighten. “Hey! What about you?”

“If I’ve done it, I’ll drink.”

“Fine.” I chew on my lip as I think of something I want to know… about me, but mostly about him. The man I’m married to. “Never Have I Ever… been arrested.”

He drinks, and I laugh incredulously. “Really? For what?”

Alec gestures with his glass. “You gotta drink, too, sweet pea.”

My mouth falls open. “Me! Really? I’ve been arrested.”

“Damn straight. In fact, I was arrested because of you.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope. When we first started dating, this guy was hitting on you in a bar. You weren’t into it, but he wouldn’t take the hint. I intervened to tell him to back off, and he sucker-punched me. You got so pissed you threw your Fireball shot in his face, then cold-cocked him.”

I drink a sip from my glass and shake my head. “Jesus. I’m afraid to ask anything else now.”

“Don’t be a chickenshit, Tee. Next question.” The sound of the nickname coming from his mouth sobers me, but only a little. I like the sound of it. The familiarity.

Afraid he’ll realize what he’s said and take it back, I hurry on. “Never Have I Ever… had a one-night stand.” I bite my lip as I wait for his answer. I didn’t intend to have the questions get so sexual right away, but wine apparently makes my mouth run away from me.

“Better drink up there, sweet pea.” Alec bares his teeth in a grin and takes a sip.

“Really?” I ask.

“You were a heartbreaker.”

“Bet you loved locking me down.”

“Damn straight. Next question.”

“Never Have I Ever… cheated on someone.”

Alec shakes his head. “Got me there. Now drink.” He doesn’t take a drink either. I file that away in my ever-growing folder of facts about him. I didn’t think he would be a cheater, but I was curious.

My heart begins to pound as I pluck up my courage. By this point, we’re both pretty drunk, and, hey! I learned another new thing about myself—I can’t drink for shit. “Do you remember how you said you wouldn’t kiss me again until I made the first move?” I ask, dropping all pretense, plied by the courage of alcohol.

Alec stills next to me, his jaw bunching and releasing. I want nothing more than to take another drink, but I can’t. Maybe it’s the wine or the events of the past day, but all I can think about right now is kissing him again. Tasting him along with the wine on my tongue. I know he’ll be every bit as delicious and potent, and right now? That’s all I crave.

He turns to me on the stool, spreading my thighs to make room for him. One of his hands is on the counter, bracing himself up. The other lifts to tug at my messy bun. “You trying to say you want to do more than kiss me, Tana?”

My throat is bone dry, and my tongue is stuck to the room of my mouth. The room is spinning a little, but not so much that I don’t know what I’m asking. All I can do is nod.

He shakes his head. “Gotta hear you say it. Tell me what you want.”

I swallow hard. “I want you to kiss me.”

The stool scrapes against the ground as he jerks mine closer to him. “I got that. But I’m pretty sure you said you want more than a kiss.” I’m so hot I feel like I’m going to spontaneously combust. He nudges my knees farther apart with his. My hips ache, and I’m trembling.

“Uh-huh,” is all I can get out.

“Or is it that you want me to kiss you here?” His hand presses over my sex. The thin silk shorts I’m wearing may as well be nonexistent. I’m afraid he can feel how wet I am beneath the material, but then he’s kissing me.

A muffled sound is all I get out before the heat of his mouth seals over mine. Any protest I have is silenced by the thrust of his tongue. I go lax, melting against his hard body. A punch of heat hits me directly in the center of my belly, and I can’t help the moan that slips from my lips. Damn my body. It wants him with a reckless abandon my mind simply can’t comprehend.

He kisses me like I’m a craving he’ll never satisfy. A thirst he’ll never quench.

I could stop him. I know if I pushed hard enough, he’d move away, but the longer he kisses me, the harder it is to remember why we should stop.

I’m sure my lips are red and sore when he pulls back to whisper, “I bet you’re so fucking wet for me, aren’t you, sweet pea?” His fingers trace the thin material covering me. “Dripping.”

All I can do is whimper. The ability for rational speech and thought has fled completely. No matter how much I know I should pull away from him and tell him he’s not in the right frame of mind, the words simply won’t form. This scenario is all kinds of wrong. Neither of us is in the right frame of mind for rational thought or mature decisions.

Maybe that’s what makes it right.

I’m tired of fighting with myself, with him. With my past or lack thereof. Tired of resisting.

I thread my fingers through his hair and use the grip on his skull to pull his lips back to mine.

What’s left of his meager control snaps, and I get tossed on top of the counter, his big hands gripping my hips and canting them to cradle him between my thighs. The way he grinds his thick, hard erection against my clit has my fingers dropping to his shoulders to dig in, no doubt causing bruises underneath my grasp.

All I can think about, all I want, is to feel him inside me. There’s an empty aching need to be filled. I’m mindless with it.

He breaks the kiss to growl, “Does that pretty pink pussy need me inside it?”

My eyes roll straight the hell into the back of my head. Sweet, kind, thoughtful Alec, who knows how to do pig tails and saves lives for a living, has a filthy, sinful mouth. He whispers those dirty words in my ear as he rocks his hips in a steady rhythm against me. Never quite fast enough to bring me to the edge, but enough of a tease that it drives me insane.

I’m afraid to open my mouth because I know I won’t be able to stop begging if I do. He chuckles darkly, the scent of the bourbon giving me a heady high. Nipping at my lips, he says, “You don’t have to answer. I can practically smell you already. I bet you’re so sweet for me, aren’t you? My dirty, sweet little angel. Do you want me to put my mouth on it?”

If I could climb inside him, I would. I can’t seem to get close enough. He chuckles again and puts a hand to my throat, gliding it between my breasts. “Shhh, I’ll take care of you. Lift your ass so I can lick you good.”

He’s a beautiful, filthy man with a wicked mouth.

I do as I’m told, and in five seconds flat, he has my silk shorts stripped off and my legs straight over his shoulders. I expect him to build up to it, tease me, but Alec spreads me wide with his fingers, baring it all to him, and buries his tongue deep inside.

“Oh fuck,” I moan and clutch at his hair.

His big hands cup my ass cheeks and pull me closer. I don’t know how the hell he’s breathing, but he doesn’t seem to care one way or another.

Then he’s looking up at me and thrusting deep with his tongue. The sounds he’s making fill my ears in a filthy cadence I don’t think I’ll ever forget, and it’s that connection that sends me tipping over the edge. His rumble of approval has me biting down a scream. His hands clutch my trembling thighs, holding me close against his wicked tongue as I see stars.