Chapter Nineteen
***Autumn***
Afteracalmday spent with the kids and the dogs, I settled on the beach a little way down from the house the next night. The guys were back at work and the kids were asleep, so I had time to think for a moment. I needed it. I’d made some choices since arriving at the Phoenix beach house that I wasn’t sure were the right ones. Yet, I knew that if Zeke or Griff made a move on me again, I was going to go with it. It made no sense how easily I’d wrapped my head around sleeping with the two of them. It just worked.
Griff, no longer Griffin after being inside me, had somehow brought me a sense of calm that hadn’t faded yet. Sex with him was all-consuming and powerful. It just knocked everything else out of my mind, it seemed. That didn’t mean I still didn’t need to sit down and made sure I was okay with what I was doing.
I thought about calling Mom and talking to her, but I wasn’t crazy. If she found out I’d slept with the brothers, she’d be planning a wedding already. It wouldn’t even matter which brother I brought home, as long as I brought one.
“Hey.”
I jumped and screamed, whipping around to find Con standing behind me. I grabbed my chest and fell back in the sand, my heart slamming away. “God! You nearly gave me a heart attack!”
He sat on his heels next to me and offered a hand to pull me back up. “Shit, I’m sorry, Autumn. I didn’t mean to sneak up on you. I was out for a walk and saw you sitting here. I thought we could talk.”
A wave of anxiety washed over me, ruining the peace I’d felt. I ignored the hand he offered and stood up, dusting myself off as I went. “Um, I’m actually going back inside now.”
“Autumn.” Con didn’t reach out to grab me, but just the tone of his voice stopped me. “Talk to me. Please.”
I crossed my arms over my chest and shook my head. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“So, we’re both just going to pretend like we haven’t told each other we loved the other one before? That’s what seems like the right choice?”
I glared at him. “Don’t do that. Don’t bring that up. Because as soon we thought we loved each other, you were engaged to be married to someone else and I was just the maid for your friend’s family.”
“Okay, so you want to talk about it?”
“No! I don’t.” I started stomping up the beach, but the sand wasn’t my friend. Con somehow didn’t have that same problem.
“Autumn, if you’d just let me explain.”
I turned around and pushed him. “Explain? Con, I didn’t even know your last name. I showed up at this job with no idea that I was going to be working for your family because I thought I’d dated a man named Con Smith. Smith! You lied to me about your last name. And about everything else.”
“Not everything else, Autumn.”
“Okay. Let’s stop. It doesn’t matter. That was over a decade ago. It’s fine. I’ve let it go.”
“Clearly.”
I scoffed, amazed that he could be a jerk while also trying to apologize. “You sonofabitch, I was having a really great day. You don’t get to ruin that.”
“I’m a sonofabitch?” He rubbed his face. “I deserve that.”
“Yeah, you do!”
“I’m sorry, Autumn.”
“You’re damn—” The words froze in my throat as emotion threatened to overtake me. Hearing him apologize shouldn’t have mattered. He’d been a giant asshole, but it’d been years and years ago. It didn’t matter. Yet, tears burned my eyes, and I felt like throwing up.
“I’m more sorry than you’ll ever know. I didn’t mean for that to happen the way it did. I was engaged to my ex-wife, but it was almost a business arrangement for our families. We weren’t in love. Then, I met you, and I convinced myself I could have it all. I was young and stupid. I’m so incredibly sorry I hurt you. I’d like to make it up to you. I know we can’t start over, but I’d like the chance to show you that I’m not that asshole anymore.”
I turned to look out at the ocean and forced a breath in through my nose and out through my mouth. “This is a lot.”
“Can we sit and talk?”
I looked back at him, at the way the night still seemed to favor him. He was so handsome, and he’d only gotten better with age. “I don’t want to think or talk about that time. Ever.”
“Let’s talk about something else, then.” He sank into the sand and patted the ground next to him. “Come on, Autumn, talk to me.”
I sighed but sat down. I looked over at him, weary, but unable to shut him out completely. “What do you want to talk about?”
“You. Your life. What have I missed in the last decade?”
I pulled my knees up to my chest and shrugged. “I got a degree, got a job teaching, and now I’m here, acting as a nanny for your child.”
“Ignoring the sass, what else happened in there? Have you ever married?”
“Never married. I dated some, but I couldn’t seem to trust a guy long enough to want him to stick around. Don’t know why that was.” I rolled my eyes and shrugged. “I mean, there’s not a lot else.”
“Why the nanny job?”
“I couldn’t afford my apartment. The rent has been going up every year, and this year, with the tourism finally reaching Montauk, it jumped up like crazy. So, here I am.”
“I’m not sure you want to hear this, Autumn, but I’ve thought about you so often over the years. I always wanted to find you and make things right. Then, you just showed up here. So, as sorry as I am about your apartment, I’m still glad you ended up here.”
I looked over at him and frowned. “You expect me to believe you spent any of your precious time thinking about me?”
A flash of annoyance crossed his face as he turned into me. “Believe what you want, Auti, but you’ve haunted my dreams since the last time I saw you. I wake up, still tasting you on my lips at least a couple of times a week. It’s been fucking torture.”
“Don’t.”
“Too late. I am.” He leaned over and captured the back of my head, pulling my face forward so he could kiss me. Soft, yet hungry, his kiss hadn’t changed. It was still so fresh in my mind that I almost moaned when he pulled away. I was leaning into him, wanting more of that kiss that promised such sweetness to come. “I’m not going to pass up a chance to convince you that I’ve changed. I’ve got at least the summer to show you.”
I leaned back into my own space and touched my fingers to my lips. That kiss made it hard to forget the nights Con had spent loving my body and convincing me to love it, too. He’d been my first and best in his own right. Sweet and passionate, making love to Con was just that.
He stood up and bent over to kiss the top of my head. “See you in the morning, Auti.”
I stayed there for a long time after he left, wondering what the hell I was doing, entertaining a pursuit from three brothers. It was insane. I should’ve just packed up my bags and made a run for it. I was emotionally vulnerable from hearing the nickname only Con had ever called me, and it was all I could do to not break down and cry. Yet, I didn’t leave. Because I was a curious moron who needed the money, but mostly just wanted to know what the hell was coming next.