“I love you, baby.”
“I love you, too.”
And then I learn about heaven.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Cora
Present
Why does it feel like this is our first date? The passion and heat and uncertainty. Will he kiss me? Will he stay the night? What will happen once we exit the car? Should I invite him inside?
Why the hell am I so nervous? This is Gavin.
I find it funny that I feel all these things because we have done this once before. Every. Single. Part. Of course, the experience is different when you are sixteen and your hormones are on a one-way track to Sex Town. The excitement and lust are tenfold because the experience is new. But as an adult, it all just feels… different.
My heart and mind no longer ruled by my hormones. Not that I discount them because I know they lurk in the shadows. But as a woman… if Gavin and I go there. If we do this again—us—and it doesn’t work out, I won’t recover. Us trying to reignite what we once were, our history has been magnified times a thousand. Every memory is amplified and with more definition. Each new touch is layered with a newer meaning, a promise of forever. Something we thought we understood all those years ago, but couldn’t quite grasp the magnitude.
But now… we comprehend it all. And spending forever with someone you love resonates in a whole new light.
We get out of the car and walk to the back door off of the driveway. He walks me inside and goes to the couch, Luna jumping on his lap the second he sits down. Traitor. But in the same breath, it melts my heart that my faithful companion has taken such an easy liking to him.
“Do you want to watch a movie?” I ask, hoping to break the pressure mounting between us. No doubt he feels it too.
“Sure. Whatever you’d like.”
I kick off
my shoes and settle in on the couch beside him, Luna looking at me as if I am invisible. Double traitor. Grabbing the remotes, I turn on the soundbar and Apple TV. After scrolling through my movie library, I click on Hunger Games.
Gavin wraps his arm around me and I lean into his chest, my head resting just below his shoulder. When the weight of his head rests atop mine, I sigh at the closeness we share. It has been a long time since I have had this connection. A bond that never goes away, never breaks. Something I have longed to have again, but came up empty-handed in every search.
For a brief time, I had thought maybe Jonas and I shared such a bond. But the more I tried with him, the more it felt forced and inappropriate. An imitation in a nice package. The only feelings I have for Jonas are strictly platonic. All I can hope is for his understanding. As my relationship with Gavin progresses, my relationship with Jonas will taper. Yes, I will always be his friend and he mine. But the boundary lines must be firmly drawn.
Luna purrs in Gavin’s lap as the three of us cuddle on the couch. This is the closest I have felt to home in thirteen years. Warm and comfortable. As if the stars have realigned and everything is as it should be. And I pray I get to feel it every day going forward. The day Gavin left; a void took over the part of my heart reserved for him. A black hole. Life no longer functioned quite the same. The only thing that kept me going was knowing we would see each other again.
I secluded myself from friends and family. Found comfort in nothing as I sat thoughtlessly in my room, day after day. Went to school as required, but lost all sense of focus or determination. I ate less and slept more. Never left the house unless mandatory. Was forced to bathe and put on something other than pajamas or pieces of Gavin’s clothes. Clothes which I refused to wash.
When minutes became hours and hours became days, days turning into weeks and months, a light inside me died. A light I thought would never burn bright again. Sure, the world wasn’t quite as dim as the years became a decade and more. But now… now there is a flicker.
I wake wrapped in Gavin’s arms, my body curled and pressing against his chest. Snuggling into him further, I inhale his beachy pine scent before he lays me on my bed and pulls the comforter over me. Beneath the covers, I undo my jeans, sliding them off and tossing them to the floor. He plants a kiss on my forehead and starts for the door.
“Stay.” It is all I tell him. All I croak out in the darkness.
He spins around and his eyes search mine. Indecision highlights his face. So, I fold back the comforter on the other side of the bed and pat the sheet. I have no idea what the time is, but it is late and he has to be tired. No need for him to request an Uber at this late/early hour when he can just stay here.
“Are you sure?” His voice is riddled with insecurity.
“I’m tired. You’re tired. We both need to sleep. So, just come lay down and get some sleep.”
My words sound simple enough, but is the notion of sleeping in bed with Gavin really so simple? Sex is the furthest thing from my mind. His arms around me, though…
He hesitates a minute, watching me with an unreadable expression. Soon, his will caves and a thump hits the floor as he toes off his shoes. A second later, he tugs his shirt over his head and drops his jeans to the floor. The bed dips under his weight, the comforter shifting as he gets situated. When he stills, I roll to my side and snuggle close to him. Into him.
Oh god, how I have missed this.
For a solid minute, I swear he stops breathing. I lay my hand to the left of his sternum and feel his heart beating a vicious rhythm beneath my palm. Is he nervous? Why on earth would he be nervous?