We stay on the phone—silent—for a moment. She tries to muffle the sound, but I hear her crying. And my heart shatters further because there is not a goddamn thing I can do to make this better. I hate that I can’t be there with her. I hate how helpless I feel. That I have no way to console her. To hug her close and kiss her hair. Rub a hand up and down her back, over the back of her head as I press her to my chest. This whole situation is such fucking bullshit.
“Gavin?”
“Yeah, baby?”
“Please don’t hate your parents. It’s your mom’s job that did this, not her specifically. Your Mom would never intentionally hurt you or us.” She chokes out the words and I hate that she is fighting her tears to say nice things about my parents.
But she is right and I know it. Though, I don’t know who else to blame for us moving so far away. I am drowning and no one is jumping in to save me. No one tosses me a life preserver.
“I don’t really hate them. It’s this whole situation that I hate. But I have no other way to express how it’s making me feel.”
Silence steals the air between us again. But the silence is not uncomfortable. Never has been with Cora. If anything, it calms me. Settles my soul. Gives a peace only she provides.
“Can we talk about something else? Anything else? I don’t care what it is,” she says. “Have you been to the beach out there yet?”
I love how she knows my favorite place on earth. How she knows it is the one place where I feel solace, other than with her. How she understands my love for the water, the sand, the comfort.
“We went to the beach for the first time a few days ago. It’s not the same as the beaches at home.”
“How so?”
“The sand grains are bigger. And the water is fucking cold, even in the middle of summer. I didn’t get in past my knees. And even that only lasted a few minutes.”
“Did you get to stay and watch the sunset?”
God, I love her. Love how she knows me, inside and out. Love how she soothes me so easily. Sunsets are the best, but they will never be the same without her. If I never saw another sunset, but was able to see her again, I would be one-hundred-percent okay with that. Without her, a sunset is just a ball of fire disappearing from sight. Sunsets hold no magic without Cora at my side.
“No, baby. My parents didn’t want to stay that late. But maybe we’ll get to watch a California sunset together one day.”
“We will get to watch one together. More than one.” The optimism in her voice spreads warmth from the center of my chest to the tips of my fingers and toes.
“One day. Until that day comes though, you watch the sunsets there for me. And I’ll watch them here. But I’d rather wait until you’re with me.”
“Me too.”
For the next hour, we talk about random things. Places we went together. Things that made us laugh. And it’s not until I hear her yawn that I realize it is past midnight in Florida. Another shitty side effect of this move—the three-hour time zone difference. I would stay up all night and talk with her. But we are both tired, more mentally and emotionally than physically.
“I should let you go to bed, baby.”
“As sweet as that is, it doesn’t matter much. I only sleep a couple hours a night now. But I guess you’re right.”
I don’t want to hang up the phone. Even if we sit here and say nothing for hours on end, just hearing her breathe on the other end makes me feel at home.
As if she can read my mind, even with several states and thousands of miles between us, she says, “Maybe we can just lay down and set our phones on our pillows. We can pretend that we’re side by side.”
“That sounds like the best idea I’ve heard in days,” I tell her as I fight the tears stinging the backs of my eyes.
And for the next two hours, I listen to her sleep. Listen to her soft breaths and occasional sleep-spoken words. Words like love and soon and forever.
Ten
Gavin
Present
This shoot with Layla is exactly what I thought it would be. A shit show to flaunt our “relationship.” Well I hope she is prepared for said relationship—as well as our friendship—to end. Because the line has been drawn and this is definitely over. Hope she enjoyed riding in my wake while it lasted.
The photographer directs us here and there and I follow through as if nothing has changed. But everything has changed. And in about fifteen minutes, Layla and Alyson are about to find out exactly how much it has changed. In less than a minute, everything in their world will tip on its axis. As it did mine.