Currently, Mom is watching Clara, our three-year-old daughter. Us visiting California is more than a treat for Mom. Not only does she get to spend time with me and Cora, but she also gets to spoil Clara rotten.
Clara is the most amazing gift Cora has given me, aside from her heart. Until the day Cora told me we were pregnant, I never pictured myself as a father. Not that I didn’t want to have children with Cora. More like I was so wrapped up in our bubble, I didn’t envision beyond it.
But becoming a parent is one of the most awe-inspiring experiences. From learning we would soon be three instead of two to watching my gorgeous wife’s belly grow to seeing my daughter enter the world. As a man, I saw the world one way. As a husband, I saw it another. Now, as a father, I see so much more. More love. More possibility. Just more.
“Ready to finish the back half of the trail?” I ask Cora.
“Ready as I’ll ever be.”
We continue along the rest of the trail, hand in hand. On occasion, we stop and admire something we see. Plants and trees, animals and streams. Nature and wildlife in California are the polar opposite of Florida, and Cora is in seventh heaven. Being in the middle of the forest is one of her favorite things and, every opportunity we can, we adventure somewhere with forestry.
After we reach the end of the trail, we call Mom’s house and talk with both her and Clara. Since we are in northern California, we won’t be at Mom’s tonight to tuck Clara in. Cora and I are staying at a bed-and-breakfast just outside of San Francisco and enjoying a couple days of our anniversary alone.
“Night, night, Daddy,” Clara says. Her voice is the cutest thing I have ever heard in my life. The melody is a sweeter, younger extension of Cora. Part of me wonders if Cora sounded the same when she was Clara’s age. Either way, it melts my heart and makes me goo in her little hands.
“Night, pumpkin,” I say and make a kissing sound into the phone. “Be good for Nana. I love you and we’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Love you, Daddy.”
“Here’s Mommy.”
I hand the phone to Cora and she and Clara have an in-depth conversation about which is better—chocolate chip cookies or brownies. Cora tells Clara her favorite is the brookie we buy at the vegan bakery near home. Cora yanks the phone away from her ear as Clara starts yelling “brookie” over and over. Clara and Cora exchange goodnights and I love yous before disconnecting the call.
/> “I really hope Mom isn’t feeding her cookies and brownies. We’ll never be able to curb her cravings once we leave,” I say and wince.
“Yeah, I hope not either.”
I drive us back to the bed-and-breakfast and we get ready to go out for our anniversary date. As Cora puts on her jeans and sweater, I notice the way she stares at her outfit with extra scrutiny.
“Everything okay, baby?” I ask as I pull her into a hug.
She snakes her arms around my waist and squeezes me tight. “Everything’s fine. Just wondering if I brought warm enough clothes. The weather here is so much different than home.”
“You look beautiful,” I admit. “And if you get cold, just say the word and I’ll keep you warm.” I kiss the top of her head.
Once dressed and ready, we head to the restaurant in the city. Since Cora loves everything Asian, I thought she would love tasting how amazing food is out here. We arrive at the restaurant and are seated right away. After we order drinks, I notice Cora didn’t get a glass of wine—her typical choice when we go out and don’t have to worry about Clara.
Cora plays with her napkin and then places it in her lap. She stares at her lap a minute before locking her gaze with mine. Teeth capture her bottom lip and worry it.
“Baby, you sure everything is okay? You’re worrying me.”
She releases her lip. A smile brightens her face as she holds my gaze. “We’re pregnant.” And just like that, her confession steals my breath.
Cora
“Gavin? Did I break you?”
A minute ago, I told Gavin we were pregnant. Again. I expected his response to be like last time. Screams and cheers and swinging me in the air. Instead, he just sits across from me, frozen. A few minutes ago, he said he was worried. Now it seems to be my turn to worry.
Does he not want more children now?
It’s not as if we have done much in the prevention department. We have actually been pretty up-front about children and our future. Especially after we learned I was pregnant with Clara. Since I don’t have much time left to safely carry a baby, we thought trying now for a second baby was better than waiting.
But now, his current state has me not so sure.
Finally, his face relaxes. “You took a test?”
“Yeah, a couple days ago, after a trip to the store with your mom. She doesn’t know, though.”