Oh shit. That was the last thing I wanted him to think. “Hey, no. That wasn’t what he meant, and it wouldn’t be true.”
“I know that now, and maybe logically I knew it then. I’m not sure, but at that moment, because I was already in my head, that was what it meant. And then he said you made him swear not to come by, and all I could think about was you being embarrassed of me, so I snapped at your brother when he asked about the remodel. I know people are surprised that I can do shit like that, but I can—and probably better than him or you. I felt bad afterward a little bit, but not totally because I really do know what I’m doing and—”
“Wait, wait, wait. Slow down. We’ll work our way through all that, but we need to address the whole embarrassed-of-you thing before we go any further. Where the hell did you get that idea? I’m not embarrassed of you, Lo.”
“Why are you calling me that? This is the second time.”
“I don’t know. It just happened. Do you want me to stop?” When he grinned at me, I wondered what his smile tasted like.
“No. I like it. I give you permission to have a nickname for me.”
“Thank you. Now, do you believe what I’m telling you?” Because if I did something to make him feel that way, I wanted to fix it. I wasn’t embarrassed. There was no reason in the world to be ashamed of him.
“People have been before. My dad was. I used to be okay with it so I could keep people around, but I’m not anymore.” He poked his finger into my chest with each word he spoke: “I. Don’t. Deserve. That.”
“I never thought you did.” And good on him for knowing his worth. A lot of people didn’t. Hell, I wasn’t sure I did. “I promise you, I’m not embarrassed of you. That thought never even occurred to me.”
“Then why didn’t you want me to meet Orlando?”
“It’s not that I didn’t want you to; it’s just, well, he has a habit of opening his mouth and inserting his foot. I didn’t want him to do that with you. And I also didn’t want him to stop by and catch you in your underwear. I had a feeling he would do something stupid, which is exactly what he did, and I wanted to…”
He cocked his head, then shook it. “You can’t do that. If we’re going to be friends, you can’t try to protect me from the world. Even if I screw up or freak out, you have to give me that. I can’t be friends with someone who thinks I need them to shelter me from just the possibility of an uncomfortable situation. That means you’re treating me differently than you would someone else, and I don’t want that. Ever.”
“I…” Didn’t know what to say because he was right. And I respected the hell out of him for demanding it. “It won’t happen again. You have my word.” Fuck his father, whoever the hell that bastard was. I wanted to ask Milo about him but wasn’t sure now was the time.
“Thank you. And there’s a chance I might have overreacted a little, but I’m really strung tight. I haven’t had an orgasm in weeks because of you.”
My mouth dropped open. Milo simply reached out, hooked his finger under my chin, and closed it.
“You’re going to have to lead me there because I’m not understanding how that’s my fault.”
“I need visual stimulation to have an orgasm, and I feel uncomfortable watching porn when you’re in the next room. I tried once when you weren’t home, but my brain kept telling me you could walk upstairs at any moment, so I couldn’t get off. I asked Rachel if it would be rude to see if you can leave for a couple of hours and promise you won’t come back. I think it’ll help with my tension if I can come a few times.”
Words were still lost on me, but my dick was definitely paying attention, thinking about Milo in here, jerking off or fucking himself while watching porn.
“Did I break you?” he asked, making me wonder how long I’d been quiet.
“You might have.” I cleared my throat. “First, yes, you can ask me not to come home, and I won’t. Second, you can watch porn while I’m in the next room. You literally haven’t come since you moved in? I jerk it every night with you in the next room.”
Now it was Milo’s turn for his mouth to drop open, his eyes bugging out in a way that shouldn’t be cute, but it was. “I wish I could watch.”
Blood rushed to my groin, the ache of want making my head spin. “Wait. What? You can’t jerk off when I’m home, but you want to watch me do it?” I was so lost.