He flinched when someone bumped into him.
“Lo?” I said softly, but he shook his head, clearly not wanting me to make a big deal of it.
He wrung his hands together, then rubbed one over his chest, massaging over his heart. People approached, and he smiled and spoke, but it wasn’t the smile I’d gotten used to from him. It didn’t reach his eyes and light up the whole goddamned room.
No one else seemed to notice, but no one else knew him the way I did. He was trying to hold it together. I didn’t know what to do to help him, and again, I didn’t want to cross the line, didn’t want him to feel like I thought he needed saving.
There was a crashing noise, and he startled. I looked over to see that somehow, the punch bowl had been knocked off the table.
“You’ll have to…um…I have to go.” Milo rushed toward it. I glanced quickly at my family to see concerned looks on Mom’s, Orlando’s, and Heather’s faces.
“I’m gonna help him.” My heart thumped too rapidly against my chest as I made my way to him. Rachel was there too. Milo’s movements were rushed and clunky as he tried to clean up the mess. “Mingle. We’ll take care of this,” I told her, and she nodded, then started trying to distract people.
“Lo?” I knelt beside him. He was bent down on the floor, red punch on his knees. He had his eyes closed, looking down, and was rocking back and forth. “Milo?” I rested my hand on his nape again, hoping it was okay.
“I can’t. I’m sorry. I can’t…I can’t…I can’t…” he kept saying over and over.
“Hey, we’re good. You’re good. Let’s get you outta here.” A shadow fell over us, and I looked up to see Orlando.
“I’ll grab a mop and help you guys get this cleaned up.”
“Thank you. He got punch on his pants, and I have the key, so I’m going to take him upstairs.” It was a weak excuse. I could just hand it over to him, and hell, he lived there, so he would have his own, but it was all I could think of on the fly.
“That’s cool. I got this.” Orlando smiled. I sent a silent thanks to my brother as I nudged Milo to his feet.
He didn’t speak, but his breaths were quick, short, his body tight.
I didn’t want to be too obvious, so I grabbed his hand, laced our fingers together, and plastered a fake smile on my face as I led Milo to the back exit, upstairs, and inside.
When we were safely behind the closed door, I wrapped my arms around him, breathed in his hair, and kissed his temple. He shook, his body trembling so hard that mine vibrated with him. “It’s just us. We’re good, Lo. You’re good.” I’d never wanted to comfort someone more in my life. I wasn’t sure if I should or even how to do that. Who the fuck was I, really? A friend who gave him orgasms?
“I’m sorry.”
“Hey, what are you apologizing for? You don’t have any reason to be sorry.”
“Because I was two seconds away from freaking out? I shouldn’t have done that. It was too loud. I should have used my earplugs. And too many people. They were all asking me questions and touching me and bumping into me and…” I tensed up, wondering if I shouldn’t be touching him since he didn’t seem to like it in this situation, but then he buried his face in my neck. “I wanted to be okay. I want your family to like me and not wonder why you’re friends with me.”
“They like you. Hell, did you see my dad’s eyes light up when you talked about your degree? You might be his new favorite. They’re not going to wonder why I like someone who’s kind, funny, smart…totally hot.”
He didn’t laugh the way I hoped he would. “My pants are bugging me…and they have punch on them. I can’t. I need to get them off. I don’t like to be sticky.”
Milo pulled back and went for the button, but I put a hand on him. “Can I?”
He nodded slowly, so I knelt and unfastened them. I took one of his shoes off, then the other. One sock, then the other, setting them by his clothes rack. I tugged his pants down next, helping him out of them, then laid them in their place too.
I looked up at him, and he was staring down at me. “You confuse me even more than other people do.”
I frowned. “Well, that doesn’t sound good.”
“It is.”
I stood. Kissed him, but slowly, without tongue.
“Will you go back downstairs, please?” Milo said. “I don’t want to need you. It’s important that I handle things on my own. And I trust you to make sure the party goes okay.”