Fuck. I’d forgotten my own brother’s birthday was coming up. A party sounded really fun. We hadn’t done anything like that in a while, and Orlando was right; it would be even harder after the baby was born.
I thought about Milo, about how he didn’t like parties, a lot of people, or loud noises, about how hard the opening night of Little Beach Books had been for him, and discomfort settled at the base of my spine. He’d been wrecked afterward and had felt like shit about it. What if he tried for me and it ended up even worse? I didn’t ever want to put him in that kind of situation. He wanted my family to like him so much that I could see him going, even though he didn’t want to. Especially if there was going to be a lot of drinking. I loved my brother and Kris, but they could get a little wild. Hell, I could too. It was fun to let loose like that every once in a while. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”
“Ask him and see what he says. I don’t want him to think he’s not welcome.” I nodded, and he continued. “You should come about eight. We’re going to have dinner first and all that. I can’t remember the last time I partied with just the guys. It’ll be fun to do something different. I want Heather to have a girls’ night like that after Jacob gets here. That way she can have all the fun she wants to.”
Orlando chuckled, and I joined in, but I couldn’t stop remembering the night of the bookstore opening, how helpless I’d felt seeing Milo so upset. As much as I wanted to hang out with my brother and friends, I would do anything not to have Milo go through that again. Ever.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Milo
Tonight was the night. I was ready to let Gideon fuck me. Or, I was ready to try and let him. I’d made a couple of clumsy attempts at using my fingers on myself, but it was just too awkward and weird. It was one thing to have something in Gideon’s butt, but I didn’t like putting things in my own. I figured that was something better experienced with someone else trying to give you pleasure. Maybe once I was used to it, things would be different, but as of now, I wasn’t a fan.
I did want to try and share that connection with Gideon. I wanted to know what it would be like to feel him the way he got to feel me.
It was Friday night, and I’d told him he had to come home at eight o’clock and no earlier. The cool thing? He didn’t even argue or ask questions. He’d just looked at me and nodded, accepting me exactly the way I was. My boyfriend was perfect.
I’d told him to eat dinner before he came home, and I did the same. Then I’d spent the last little while cleaning myself out and showering, so I guess there were some ways I’d always have to put something inside myself—there was no way I could risk not being totally clean back there, I would die if I made a mess of things in that way.
So now it was seven fifty-nine, and I was lying in my bed, naked, waiting for my boyfriend to come home so I could ask him to fuck me.
What was this life?
All I knew was that it was awesome.
At exactly eight, I heard the front door open and couldn’t help smiling. I bet he’d stood outside and waited.
“Lo?” Gideon called out.
“I’m in the bedroom!” Whoa. My voice was shaky. That was new.
Gideon’s footsteps moved toward me until he stepped inside the room, his brows pulled together in confusion until he saw me. His face immediately relaxed, a smile pulling at his lips and his eyes sparking with a desire I still couldn’t believe was for me.
“Well, isn’t this a nice surprise?”
“I hope so,” I replied.
He tugged his sneakers off, then went for his pants. While he worked them open, Gideon asked, “Do you want me to jump in the shower real quick?”
I shook my head, trying to find a way to make the words come out before I just…let go to be myself. “You don’t have to. And I was thinking we could do it the other way around. I mean, you fucking me. I can’t promise, but I want to try. I showered and cleaned out, and I was going to light candles and put flower petals all around like you see in movies and stuff, but that just felt dumb and…why are you looking at me like that?” It was like I’d just offered him the world instead of my ass.
“Because I like you and I can’t help looking at you like this,” he replied softly, the words making me tremble. Tremble! How did he even do that just by speaking to me?