That reminded me I wanted to talk to Milo about paying more in rent. He was lucky the building was paid off, but there were still taxes and other expenses to consider. It was important to me that it didn’t ever feel like I was taking advantage of him. Now wasn’t the time, though.
“You boys need to consider your future. Even with the money I have put aside for Milo, you never know what will happen,” Beverly said.
“Then I’ll do taxes on the side,” he replied, but I was stuck on the whole you boys need to consider your future. She’d said it as if she was sure I would be a part of Milo’s and that she was okay with it.
“Yes, ma’am,” I replied. “I’ve been thinking about trying to find something else part-time anyway.”
“What? Why?” Milo asked.
“Because we both know I pay less than the going rate for rent.”
“I don’t care about that.” Milo waved his hand.
“But I do.”
“Oh,” he said, and I knew he got what I was saying. Milo had said before he didn’t want to need me, and I didn’t want to need him either. We were a unit, yes, but I wanted to carry my fair share. “Okay.”
We talked for a few more minutes before Drea showed up with our food. I waited while Beverly took a bite, and she said, “Just as good as I remembered.”
“I’m glad you like it,” I told her.
“Beverly! Look at you. I can’t believe you’re really back,” Gillian Withrow said, approaching our table. She was a few years younger than Beverly and had lived on the island her whole life. I was surprised this didn’t happen more often, that more people didn’t approach Beverly when she was out. Some did, of course, but it could be worse. Maybe everyone knew Beverly wasn’t to be fucked with—well, everyone except Gillian.
“How have you been?” Beverly asked.
“Not bad. I was real sorry when Wilma passed away. It came as a shock to everyone when we learned about you…being her daughter and all.”
There were some things one shouldn’t say to people, and Gillian’s statement was firmly on that list.
“Gillian,” I started, just as Beverly said, “Well, I wasn’t, and really, it’s no one’s business other than mine and Wilma’s. But then you’ve always had a habit of sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong.”
“Oh…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any offense.” Gillian feigned innocence, though she clearly just wanted to gossip and see Beverly’s reaction.
“Of course you didn’t, dear,” Beverly replied, and I actually fell a little bit in love with her when she did. A small chuckle escaped my lips.
“My Alfred was at the bar with friends last night,” Gillian said, looking at me. “Everyone was surprised you weren’t at your brother’s birthday party. Orlando was pretty disappointed from what I heard.”
I felt Milo tense beside me. Goddamn it. He turned to me, and the second he did, I knew I’d fucked up—and I’d fucked up big-time. The devastation in his eyes felt like he’d punched through my chest and ripped my heart out; no, like I’d torn my own out.
“Orlando had a birthday party, and you didn’t go?”
“It’s not a big deal. I wasn’t in the mood.”
Milo shook his head, then rocked, similarly to what I’d seen the night of the grand opening. “Don’t do that. Don’t lie to me. He had a party, and you not only didn’t go, you didn’t tell me about it… You didn’t tell me because…” He cocked his head. “You didn’t want me to go?”
Worry, shame, and guilt created a storm inside me, one with enough power to tear my world apart. “What? No. That’s not it at all.” He was shaking slightly, pulling away from me. “Let’s go home. We’ll talk about it there.”
“No.” He shook his head again, repeating, “No, no, no.”
“If you’ll excuse us, Gillian, we’d greatly appreciate it,” Beverly said, but I didn’t pull my gaze away from Milo to see if she’d listened.
My heart didn’t feel like it had been pulled out anymore; it was there, banging against my chest. My stomach twisted up, knots of discomfort and anger at myself tying tighter and tighter. “I’m sorry. I fucked up. I just didn’t want…”
“Didn’t want me to freak out like I did last time. You didn’t think I could handle it, but we’ll never know if I could, or even if I would have wanted to try, because you didn’t give me a choice, Gideon. That’s not fair. You don’t do that to boyfriends, and you don’t do that to friends. You should have given me a choice.”
Without another word, he shoved to his feet and walked out of the Lighthouse. Gillian was gone, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to fix this, wanted never to have done something so stupid in the first place. Why hadn’t I just told him? “Fuck.” I rested my elbows on the table and buried my face in my hands. My legs were bouncing, unable to keep still. “I have to go talk to him.”