I opened my mouth but wasn’t sure what to say. How did one respond to that? I’d spent my whole life not feeling up to his standards, and then he says this? “You think I’m fearless?”
“Yes, though maybe that’s not the right word. We all fear something, don’t we? But you never let it hold you back. I went to school to be a lawyer like my father because it was safe and all I knew. I ask you how the shop is doing because I can’t just let go and trust that everything will be okay the way you can. It’s a gift, Gideon, and I’m so proud of you.”
“I worry about things too. If the shop will last, what will happen with me and Milo. If I’m making the right choices.”
“I know, but you keep going regardless. You follow your dreams, and you take chances. That’s something to be proud of, Gideon,” Dad said, and I could see it, his pride in me, his insecurity when it came to how to talk to me. Orlando was right; it was a two-way street.
“I love you, son,” Dad added, making my eyes sting.
“I love you too.”
Mom was crying, and I shoved to my feet, hugged her, then went to my dad and hugged him too. We saw each other often, yet I couldn’t remember the last time I’d hugged him. We stayed that way for a long time, then sat down to talk.
I had dinner with my parents, just the three of us. It was another thing I couldn’t remember the last time we’d done it. Orlando and Heather were always there, and often Meg and Kris too.
After we ate, Dad and I made a promise to spend more time together and share more of ourselves with each other.
When I got back into my truck, I called my brother. “I’m a dick,” I said instead of hello.
“Obviously.”
“I’m sorry.”
“As you should be.”
“I shouldn’t have no-showed, and it was an asshole move to ignore your text.”
“No,” Orlando replied. “You shouldn’t have ditched me. You could have told me you were staying with Milo. I would have understood.”
“Yeah, I see that now. I fucked up this whole situation. I didn’t even tell Milo about the party, and now he’s mad at me.”
“As he should be,” Orlando repeated. “You gonna fix it?”
“I am.” Because now that I had Milo, I couldn’t imagine my life without him.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Milo
“Milo…you do know that stomping across the hotel room all night isn’t going to solve anything, right?” Mom said, and I stopped and crossed my arms.
“I had no idea. Thank you for telling me.”
Mom sighed. “Sit down.” She patted the bed beside her. She was perched on the end of it, watching me.
“I don’t want to sit down.”
“Please, Milo.”
I groaned but walked over and joined her. “He didn’t think I could handle it, and I hate that he may have been right,” I admitted. “I don’t want to be held back, and I don’t want to hold him back. I want to go out with my boyfriend and his brother and their friends.”
“Did you ever stop and think that maybe that’s why Gideon didn’t tell you?” I opened my mouth to argue, but she continued. “I’m not saying he was right—at all. I’m saying he knows how bad you want them to like you and how bad you want to be a part of his life, so he knew you might not be thinking clearly when you answered. Would you have pushed through and said yes, even if you had your doubts?”
I looked down, not liking that the answer would be yes. “He still should’ve given me the choice. Or he should’ve gone himself. That’s the worst part—not that I didn’t know, but that I held Gideon back. He missed an important day with his brother because certain situations are hard for me. I love him, and I don’t ever want him to miss out on parts of life because of me.”
It wasn’t fair. I finally had a boyfriend, but he’d chosen to stay home and not go out and enjoy himself because of my issues. How long would it be before Gideon got tired of that? Before it made him break up with me?
“That’s understandable because you love him and don’t want to be the reason he doesn’t do certain things. But first, Gideon made that choice himself; you had nothing to do with it. Second, all couples make sacrifices for each other sometimes. That’s not reserved only for you and Gideon, just like wanting to protect those you love isn’t either. I know how independent and capable you are. I’d bet Gideon does too. If he didn’t, you wouldn’t love him. It’s everyone’s first instinct to try and protect those important to them. If you knew something might hurt me, wouldn’t you try to keep that from happening?”